What if you had to?

Since I've moved back to the northeast, so many shifts have occurred.  I have felt the fear and the joy of it.  Within a month of moving, I got a full time job at a CPA firm as an Office Administrator; got a part time yoga teaching gig at Best Fitness; got invited to join a dance group; completed a fitness program; and now training to become a willPower & Grace instructor! Before I left San Francisco, I was so afraid I wasn't going to find ANY of these things and poof! See!

Yes, there has been self-doubt and fear.

Yes, there has been negative self-talk (aka mind chatter).

Yes, there have been moments when I wanted to throw in the towel.

But I've been finding more confidence in myself through the tough times.  I love all the things I'm doing, and when I don't feel like it, I know once I do, I'm going to feel better and so inspired to do more.  When I need support I know where to go and I receive it.  I allow myself to feel the not-so-nice feelings, so then I can move forward.  Instead of looking at it as a set back, I see it as a lesson or bump in the path.

In the willPower & Grace method, instructors ask their students the question, "what if you had to?"  For instance, if you're holding plank position and you have that moment where you just want to quit, what if you had to hold it just another breath or two.  Then you build that strength everytime you practice plank, and you will see how it supports you in your everyday life.  It's like yoga! Or any other mind-body practice. 

It's awesome! 

The pleasures of the present: How you can bring yourself back home

A quote by Lao Tzu really spoke to me yesterday, "If you are depressed, you are living in the past.  If you are anxious, you are living in the future.  If you are at peace, you are living in the present."

Definitely, easier said than done, I know.  But what if everyone could just for a moment, just be.  That would be wonderful!  Again, it's not an easy task for everyone, especially when you got a lot going on such as work, school, kids, family, bills, fun, etc.

Whenever I find myself anxious, depressed or in a fearful state, I try to remember to do the following:

1.  Stop and breathe.  If possible, I find a space to be alone (even if it's in the bathroom!).  I stand or sit and feel my feet touching the floor and wiggle my toes.  Then I work my up to my legs, hips, abdomen, chest, arms, hands, and all the up to my head.  From there I take a nice, deep belly breath.  If I'm overly anxious, my chest area may be tight, so I give myself a few breaths until I can reach my belly.  Rushing just makes it worse!

2.  After I feel more grounded and in my body, I think of something that IS working in my life NOW.  For example, I just leased a car; got a yoga teaching job; made a friend in dance class; or even getting laundry done.When we get anxious, we tend to go (as the quote says above) way ahead into the future and create a catastrophe or chaotic situation that we don't really want to happen anyway; if X doesn't get done, Y will happen.  So shoot for what you DO want to happen!

3.  If none of that works, I call a friend, a Life Coach, or someone that I can trust.  This isn't always easy for people either, because if you knew me well, in the past, I thought I had to figure everything out on my own.  Sometimes if we can't find a solution because we're too much in "our stuff" or our heads about something, it's great when an outside person can help reframe it for you and offer support.  Dwelling on the problem or situation isn't going to get you anywhere.  We tend to self-judge and be hard on ourselves. 

When we are present, everything is clear.  That doesn't mean it's always a happy time.  But if we can allow ourselves to be more present with the situations, feelings and experiences at hand, all the uncomfortable will pass more quickly and with ease.  We will be able to get to that joyful state faster because we've allowed ourselves to just be and nothing else.  Just at home within ourselves.

Do you find yourself dwelling somewhere in the past that's holding you back from what you want now? When something comes up, do you automatically jump to the worst case scenario and get stuck there? What do you do for yourself to come back to the present moment?

Butoh Workshop = Outrageously Transformational

Click here to read about the butoh workshop I attended last weekend.

It was "truly, truly outrageous", as Jem of the Holograms would say.  But it was also transformational beyond belief.  Holding eye contact and space with one other person can be very powerful.....

Check out my videos!

I started video blogs of my movement practice. Ideally, I would LOVE to do this weekly.

Click Here to view #1

Click Here to view #2

Enjoy and I welcome any comments or feedback :-)

At Home

As I practice yoga more and more these days, I love how my mind will connect to a body part and then figure out what else the body part can do while in the pose.

I've also realized how I practice regularly more when I'm going through transition.  Since relocating to Albany, NY, it's been quite a change of scenery.  I find that I write (and have written) a lot about change, shifts and transitions in my blog, or post/repost something on facebook about it.  I guess I'm just REALLY appreciating my yoga practice right now, and my intention within this transition is connection and compassion.

Connection is for connecting back into my body when I get too much in my head about things.  Compassion is for when I hit rough waters along the journey, so I can allow myself to feel the emotions, be okay with it, and move on.

I talked to a friend last night about how I want to step out of my comfort zone more.  Whether in baby steps or bigger steps, I want to grow in my creativity and community.  I'm thinking of ways I can do more of that.  For instance, I emailed a healing/yoga space about teaching yoga there and got a response from them wanting to meet me.  I also want to create more patience and trust as I put these desires out there into the Universe.  If it's something I really want and can visualize it, then I can trust it will show up.

I have also been dancing in the outdoors, which has reconnected me with nature.  Something I had wanted to do in the past, and now it's happening!

So as I connect with my surroundings and bring that onto the mat, I'm starting to feel more at home.  Home in the literal sense, but also more at home with myself.  Moving is a big change, and the compassion I hold for myself will make the transition a bit easier.

On that note, I am grateful.  Grateful for my fun and loving husband; Grandma for providing a warm, welcoming place to stay; yoga for it's healing tools; and the rain for its cleansing and purifying qualities.

Exercise and its purpose

Do you have or want a fitness routine?  When you fall off the wagon, what do you say to yourself? When you keep putting off starting a routine, what do you say to yourself?

It’s been proven in studies (time and time again) that exercise in any form can relieve stress, maintain a healthy weight and diet, improves sleep, reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety, and strengthen the heart.  For me, it definitely helps my mental and emotional well-being, as well as the physical.  I’m not a big “gym-goer”, so my fitness routine usually consists of yoga, dance (hip hop, and other forms), pilates, biking, walking, and other forms of cardio-conditioning. I love taking classes for the variety and the community.  

So why at times do I find myself beating myself up if I skip a day or two? The intention is there, but I think I forget why I really do it.  Why do I follow an exercise routine?

First off, I know it’s good for my health and physical body.  Physiologically, it’s great for circulation, respiration, digestion and the immune system.  It boosts my energy, so I can do the things I want to do.  It increases the serotonin levels in my brain to help keep me lively and upbeat throughout the day.  

Those are all great things!

But, again, why do I beat myself up if I skip a day or two?

I was on the phone with a friend, who had a similar situation.  She talked about why she makes herself be this “work-out queen.”  When she said that, a light went off and I could so relate to that statement.  While she continued to tell me about it, I began to realize that whenever I don’t feel like exercising or even while I’m exercising, my soul purpose is missing.  The reason why I do it anyway.  I also realized that I force myself sometimes and that really just makes me not want to do it even more.

These are all good questions to ask myself.  So, now, what can I do and say to myself when I start beating myself up?

Let me start with this instead: What do I WANT to say to myself?

-I am a healthy woman
-I am beautiful and perfect just the way I am
-I love and accept myself in all experiences, moods, and situations that may arise
-Exercise is creative and playful

Now, that makes me feel good. 

Shifting toward ease

Lots of shifts and transitions are happening for all.  It’s amazing what comes up in the midst of it all.

I will be relocating back to the east coast at the end of June.  This has been a desire for my husband and I ever since we moved out to the west coast back in 2003.  Although, we allowed ourselves to settle, get jobs, get married, try new things, fall down, get back up, and try another new thing, it’s time to move back and move on to the next chapter.  

Even though, we are moving back to an area that we spent most of our lives, it’s changed just as much (and even more) as we have.  

For the past month up to now, I’ve been letting go of A LOT of stuff.  As we de-clutter our apartment, I’m de-cluttering my whole being physically, emotionally/mentally, and spiritually.  I’m learning and relearning about myself.  One of things I’m grateful for is my yoga practice.  

I had realized that I hadn’t practiced for a longer period of time.  The most I was doing was 20 minutes here and 30 minutes there.  Then, one day,  I allowed myself to do almost 2 whole hours without realizing it, and so much healing occurred that was needed.

My yoga practice consisted of supported and restorative poses from a sequence out of one of BKS Iyengar’s books, “Yoga: The Path to Holistic Health”.  It was a sequence aimed at decreasing anxiety.  The sequence not only calmed my nervous system, it soften so many areas of my body, that I was able to release emotional tension that I was holding in.  Once I was able to let go, cry and laugh out some of this energy and tension, I felt movement and tingling throughout my body.  I knew I shedded and unloaded some old stuff because afterward, I felt clear, clean, and vibrant.  

We all hold old patterns or ways of being within us.  It’s usually held in the unconscious, and when we don’t deal with them or ignore them, they can work against us and keep us from moving forward in our life experience.  

So when we begin to look at these old patterns that aren’t serving us anymore, and catch them in the present moment, we can start to look at them at a distant and give them more space.  We can acknowledge the emotion(s) around these old patterns and the needs underneath them.  

For me, a lot of my emotional release was sadness and anger.  I was able to journal everything down, and realize that there was a need for acceptance, compassion, and ease, especially through my upcoming east coast move.  I also remembered other people showing up in my space, which were, mostly, other people’s beliefs and stories that I was holding as my own. Again, old patterns, but some of these can be others’ such as parents, teachers, friends, lovers, partners, etc.  

Are there certain words, phrases, or stories that you tell yourself frequently? Could they be keeping you from what you really want or to your most optimal health? Do areas of your body feel hard, tight, or blocked? What would happen and how would you feel if you could soften that area and feel more space?

The choice is always yours!