So I guess I'll...

I haven't really been inspired to write lately. Or maybe I have and I'm just thinking about it too much.  So I guess I'll just start writing and see what happens. 

This past weekend I was suppose to have my last massage class EVER, and it was cancelled. Unfortunately, I wasn't notified, so I showed up and was told that it was canceled. Oh well. But WAITA MINUTE! Then again this is how my school operates sometimes, and everyone knows it.  So that annoyed me, but I was happy I didn't let it ruin my weekend because the weather was beautiful here.  I also got to attend a free two hour workshop on Optimizing Your Health. Another plus! But it's healthy to rant, right? Right!

I'm also preparing an application for a performance series.  I want to present some recent work I did with my friend/collaborator, so I've been kicking myself in the butt to get that done. However, I'm close and it's due this Thursday, so I've got time on my side.

So I guess I'll just rant (which I pretty much just did).  Right now, I wish I didn't have to work my day job.  Right now, I want to teach, connect, share, dance, show, be, run, jog, laugh, cry, scream...I think the list could go on, but I'm gonna stop there before something happens at my work desk right now, where I  scare or trigger someone (like my boss) around me. 

Wow, sometimes ranting can make it all good.

Peppermint, you save me

i have ranted about peppermint before and i'll do it again. IT ROCKS! it was nice not to have class last night and go out with some classmates, but man, going out on a school night can have an affect on you the next day. at least nowadays. for me. i found my first gray hair yesterday and was like, shit that's pretty cool. then feeling groggy after lunch, patted my temples with some peppermint oil and poof! instant perk! now with a sliver of a hangover (thank god i remembered the ibprofen and glass of water at bedtime), i dumped some peppermint oil into my green tea and rubbed some on my temples and it's clearing the brain and the stomach nicely.

thank you peppermint leaf for being created and continue growing!

Gotta rant about this....

okay, i know some businesses and organizations have to take certain measures to keep their workers from spending too much time on the internet. at my job, they blocked facebook (even though they have a fan page whatever!). now they're blocking a blog website, www.thoughts.com, which i used to be able to view all last year and i have an account set up. now i can't view it. FUCK YOU!

sorry but it's just obnoxious when all other affiliates of the organization i work for can, in fact view youtube!!!! youtube for heaven's sake! which has the most obnoxious stuff than any other blog site.

okay, i've ranted enough.


thanks.

I am 10 years old again

So I had my birthday yesterday which was weird but also fun because EVERYONE should have fun on their birthday. It all started on Monday when I found out that a group of coworkers were taking out another coworker for lunch on her birthday which was the same day as mine. This rattled me because I work with these people too! I decided to email one of them very non-chalantly that it was my birthday too. No response. So I found myself as 10 years old again feeling left out and distraught. When my actual birthday came, I received lots of acknowledge from so many people (some being the coworkers) I decided to shift my attention to those who I didn't work with and feel the joy and love. It stayed for a bit....

But something kept eating at me about it. I know it triggered me deeply but it was also felt on the surface as well. I was having a lot of mind chatter. It was so loud I wanted to bang my head against the wall. I felt those emotions and let them flow. I can't just pretend that everything is okay. I did that for so many years and it's just not me anymore. It's like some people create this iron gate around themselves but are completely unaware of it. That's how I feel about these coworkers. It's like they haven't a clue that this could've hurt my feelings. That not even acknowledgment about it the fact that they forgot about me, yet I could feel that they knew what they did, but they just couldn't fess up to it that they fucked up. Thanks for the "Happy Birthday" but how about, "Happy Birthday and we're sorry we didn't invite you to lunch with us. Our bad!". Then I wouldn't have cared so much.

I feel like I've gone way too much into it, but for heaven's sake, IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! No one should feel dissed, left out or feeling like shit on their birthday. I always make it a point to say it, text it, email it, channel it, or whatever to that person.

This morning those feelings were still there but not as intense. It was hard to come to work and actually be friendly to ANYONE for that matter. It's definitely passed now but it still feels shitty. It's like being in elementary, middle and high school all over again! Come on, people, grow up!