Challenges make you grow

I taught my first willPower & Grace class the other night. A moment I worked hard to get to. Then when I did it, I felt awful afterward. The inner critic buzzed in and gave it to me: "what the hell was that?" "you sucked!" "why are you even doing this? Just stick with what you know" "you were SO off beat", etc., etc.

The more I listened, the more awful I felt. For awhile, I really believed it. Some old patterns and ways of thinking/being came back and I felt like a failure. I had a need for compassion, to be seen, to be heard, and understood.

But this other side of me chimed in as well. The compassionate, supportive side. The accepting side. I really knew, deep down, that I did the best I could the first time teaching this new format. Yeah, there were some shaky parts, but overall, I actually had a good time (despite the negative self-talk) and it felt good to finally get an opportunity to teach it to the public.

Once I got to rehearsal and surrounded myself with fun, positive people, I felt a little better. Let's say it was a good distraction since I had to focus on the choreography.

I also got great support and insight from my fellow dancers because they noticed the headspace and mood I was in. At one point, I said out loud, "Why do I put myself through stuff like that?!" I knew the answer, and one of them said it. She said when we challenge ourselves, it helps us grow. If we just keep doing the same thing and not push the envelope, we really don't grow as a person and become better at the task at hand. It's so true; however, I still felt that inner critic telling me otherwise.

Then another one of my fellow dancers said, "You are the expert...you know more about the subject than anyone else in the room."

Yes!

Of course, at the time, I was so worried about what the other students thought of me, but honestly, as Dr. Wayne Dyer says, "It's none of your business what others think of you." I'm also not the regular teacher for that class. I am who I am, and teach whatever I am teaching. We all have our own style and way of transmitting information.

When I first started teaching yoga, I went through the same experience and it took awhile to find my own style and way of teaching. It took time and practice, but I got better and better.

So, through this whole experience, I do want to become a better teacher than I already am. I am a great teacher, and with willPower & Grace, I want to be fabulous. More grounded, creative, and magnifying!

Ooohh! I like that. Magnifying. Magnetic. Inspiring.

So when faced with challenges, how do you approach it? Do you give up and walk away? What does your inner critic say to you?

It's done. Now what? Stay positive.

So I accomplished one of the goals I declared HERE.  I videotaped myself teaching a willPower & Grace class, and sent it in to be evaluated and now I'm an Official Instructor!

So, WOO HOO ME :-)))))

It feels great to get stuff done, especially stuff that you love to do.  Of course, getting those certain things done (laundry, decluttering that drawer, etc.) may feel great too, but if it's a passion, dream, or a health/fitness goal, it feels different and so much better.

You feel like you could accomplish anything.  You feel inspired to do the next thing.

So what is the next thing?

I know once I obtain that letter from NY State to continue my massage education to get licensed, I will be soooo psyched!

Staying positive is a challenge/goal in itself.  So perhaps while I wait (patiently) for that letter, I can practice ways to stay positive. Hmmmmm, that's a hard one because there are times when we don't feel that way, or everything seems to be falling apart.  Let's see:

1) I can visualize that letter arriving in the mail saying, "you have enough hours.  Go practice massage!"

Or,

2) continue to visualize myself practicing massage in my own space, on my chosen time, and creating lots of income because I can charge what I want;

And/or,

3)  perhaps, when I have "one of those days" call a friend who supports me; who knows my passion(s) and purpose; and can celebrate my awesomeness.

I like those!

How do you stay positive?  When you feel down, or are thinking self-defeating thoughts, what do you do?

There's always a come-back after a set-back

As I reflect back on the goals I made here,  I did get about 50% of it done.  That's awesome, considering I experienced some setbacks.  So let's pay attention to the positive.

What I DID do:
- handed in my transfer application, personal statement, high school transcripts
-submitted a FAFSA form for financial aid (not on goal list but part of the process)
-sent recommendation forms to appropriate individuals to fill out and send to the school
-sent a NY State form to my previous massage school to fill out and submit
-scheduled my willPower & Grace videoshoot for January 20 (submission date may need to change since I put January 21)
-received a Cranio-Sacral session

Reading these accomplishments, I do feel good; however, there's that little voice inside my head saying,"You should've done more!", "you're not going to get it done", "this is too hard", "FUCK IT!".  This is the setback that I experienced (and still experiencing).

That is an old part of me.  A part of me that's protecting me from failure.  Yes, I have a fear of failure.  I've done a lot of work around it, but this past week it came back strong and kicked me in the ass HARD.  Now, I'm working on turning it around.  Changing that fear into love and compassion for myself with all this work I'm doing to do what I want to do. 

I'm just trying to manage it all, and boy, is it tiring....I will get there.  I will make a come back with this setback.

One thing at a time...my new meditation towards reaching those goals.

It can be hard to stop being a certain way and totally shift toward another type of being.

In the past, I was one to pack it in the schedule and do it all.  But that started to work against me, and the more I resisted changing it, the more frustrated I got.  I know now that taking one thing at time is more my speed.  Not that I'm an old woman!  No way!  It's also about patience and letting things unfold. 

Sitting in meditation takes focus, time, practice, and....yep...patience.  Whatever goal you set (losing weight, vacation, finishing that book) takes time.  Meditation forces you to be present with everything that comes up, not just while you're sitting or lying there, but in your daily life. 

I have a few goals I want to meet by the end of this month and it's going to require motivation and reminders of why I want to meet these goals.  I totally want the outcome; however, I also keep in mind that there may be setbacks or bumps along the way.  I keep in mind to not be attached to the outcome or result.  So, if I don't get that particular application out on January 11, it won't be the END OF THE WORLD if it goes out the 12th, 13th, or 14th.  What matters is that, I am doing it the best way I can. 

Meditation teaches us to listen to ourselves and the experiences around us.  It also allows us to look at our emotions ,which isn't always pleasant, but, hey, we're human and we feel, right?!

So to keep myself accountable, I want to share my progress (and bumps in the road) either on this blog or my Facebook page because it will get me closer and closer to what I want and get support when I need it.  It's also fun to create! 

Thus far, I have:
-contacted two people to write recommendations and mailed out the form to one person (WOO HOO!)
-finished my personal statement for the transfer massage student application (WOO HOO!)
-finished form 1 and 2 of the NY State Dept of Education application, and will mail it out once I get it notarized (WOO HOO!)

That's pretty awesome!  I want to acknowledge myself for staying on track even in the face of procrastination: my greatest teacher ;-)

At the beginning of any new year, we have goals, desires and dreams.  What are yours?  What have you done to start making them happen?  Have you told anyone?  Sometimes telling a friend or loved one makes it more real.  Dreaming and talking about it gets you more excited and motivated.  Visualizing yourself already there brings energy and joy around it. 

So share it!

New Year's goals (to start)

I like the word "goal" better than "resolution". I don't have a solid reason yet, but it just sounds better to me: 

1) To complete my willPower and Grace evaluation DVD and send it by January 21.

2) To complete the Massage Transfer Student application and mail/hand in/out by January 11.

3) To complete the NY State Office of Professions application for transfer of massage credits by January 11.

4) Put $20 or more into my financial freedom fund every paycheck.

(one more)

5) To provide self-care once a month for myself -- massage, pedicure, watch a movie, play a video game, take a bath, take a nap.

What are yours?

Follow up to previous blog: willPower and Grace goals

So....I've done pretty well in meeting my goals so WOO HOO! YEE HAA! YAY ME!

It's amazing how when we set our minds to something, things can happen.  Although, I haven't taught a full willPower & Grace class to anyone or myself, I HAVE taught the whole cardio section to myself and my hubby; and got to teach the whole warm-up to a class an instructor offered to me to teach.  So those two things are big milestones for what I had set here.  Also, right before the holidays too!

So I'm hoping now, before this year ends (and that's only 5 days away, people!), I will teach myself and/or anyone up to the Flexible Strength section. 

Is there anything you want to accomplish before the end of this year? Would love to hear :-)

willPower & Grace training goals for the rest of the month/year

There's a part of me that wants to beat myself up for not being super on with my training, and I don't want to do it!  That's such an old way of being for me and it sucks.  So as my due date 2/1/13 approaches (and it's not that far away!) to get the evaluation dvd in, I'm setting goals of how I want to be committed to the practice and teaching of willPower & Grace. This also keeps me accountable and really does work.  So here it goes:

1)  Practice willPower & Grace, either with DVD or go to class, 2 times a week;

2) Teach a section of the choreography to myself or to at least one person once a week;

3) Review choreography, either with dvd or manual.

Okay. I feel like those are definitely doable!  In the past, it was so easy for me to overwhelm myself over stuff like this.  What's cool now is that I actually say (and believe), "Who knows? I may even be able to teach a whole hour through before the year ends!", "What if I teach a section more than once a week?!"

How cool would that be?

Very.....