"You will come to know that what appears today to be a sacrifice will prove instead to be the greatest investment that you will ever make." - Gorden B. Hinkley
I have days when reading the quote above I will say, "You're kidding, right?" It's amazing what we ask for and the Universe hands it right over to ya. It comes in all shapes and forms and beings. It's the process towards our goals and desires that we wish (sometimes) could skip over. It's those "learning" curveballs that get thrown at us and would rather duck and cover. It's the bumps along the road that makes us trip and fall. Yes, we stamp our feet, get irritated, and we may want to stay down, but we must trust that there's a reason for everything that we experience.
I remember the time when I decided I wanted to be a yoga teacher. At the time, I really didn't think about what it involved. All I knew was that I loved doing yoga and how I felt after practicing it. September of 2004, I started teacher training at the Iyengar Yoga Institute of San Francisco. I chose this style because my first teacher in Boston studied and taught this style, plus other styles as well. This style really helped my posture and alignment, which benefited my whole body.
To be honest, I really didn't know what to expect; however, I didn't expect it to be so demanding and intense. The teachers were amazing, but yes, there were some whose style of teaching didn't resonate with me; therefore I created tension around the situation. I didn't allow myself to be open. I didn't know how to communicate my needs or ask for support.
Since this was a 500 hour program (2 years long), by the 2nd year, I really started to question my future as a yoga teacher. I began to feel drained and not excited about yoga anymore. I didn't know how to balance it with life, so I began to resent it. I even dropped out of a class because it was being taught by that same teacher and I didn't want to deal with it. However, although there were other things going on in my life that needed more attention, it was a GREAT excuse to get out of it. I knew I needed to do this for my health, but then I began to beat myself up over it. I looked at myself as a failure and a quitter. I let that belief imprint itself within me, which then affected other parts of my life such as relationships, jobs, family, etc. If there was something I was interested and excited about doing or sharing with others, I would talk myself out of it. Tell myself why I couldn't have or do it.
The first time I taught I was TERRIFIED! But who isn't nervous doing something for the first time. Of course, as a recovering perfectionist, at the time, I had to do everything right every time. Boy, did I learn that's not how it goes! Did I get frustrated? Yes! Did I cry about it? Yes! Did I want to run out of the room in the middle of class because I made a mistake? YES!
But I kept doing it. As I learned more self-care tools, I learned to ask for support and feedback from teachers, students, friends, mentors.
Of course, now I look back on it, and I don't really wish I did anything different. Sure, it's normal to think, "if I had done that instead of that..." But, honestly, I look at myself now and I'm doing pretty great. I acknowledge the changes I have made to this point. I love teaching more now because I realized the more I did it, the better I got. I now teach other fitness formats and will be attending a training soon to become a Certified Group Exercise Instructor.
Why?
Because I have a need to contribute and connect with others. I have a need for knowledge, and I want to share my knowledge and experiences to inspire others to want to change a part of their life, and be happier and healthier. I know this now to be my intention for teaching others, but I sure didn't know it before I went into yoga teacher training.
We need to invest in ourselves, especially if we want to grow and prosper. It's freakin' scary, so we need to surround ourselves with people that are going to "Woot! Woot!" for us; and help us when we fall or want to quit.
So, in regards to the quote above, my yoga teacher training was the best investment I ever made. It broke pieces of my barriers and walls that I had built around me for years. Was the work done? Hell, no! That was only the beginning. And so it continues....
