I have to be honest in this blog post. Why does yoga make you mad sometimes? Or feel more tense, when you expect it to release tension and everything will feel better again? Not that I was super tense prior to my morning practice, but I was a little sore from rehearsal last night and knew my physical body could really use it.
So....why did every little freakin' thing start to trigger me? My wet bath towel falling into the litter box. Do I wear this sweater? That shirt? These pants? Or fuck this outfit! Let's wear something else. Only to go back to the exact same thing I put on first. Do I eat the leftover soup for lunch, or a salad? Then....where the hell are all these cars coming from and why can't a space clear for me to turn onto the road?! Yes! I could go on and on with everything little, but don't worry I won't. However, I know you can relate ;-)
Could it be the moon? Perhaps. My menstrual cycle? Of course, that too can play a part in it. But as I drove to work this morning, I thought about my yoga practice. I recall it feeling quite invigorating and relaxing during and after. All the lengthening and stretching of my side body really helped bring space into my shoulders and hips. AHHHH! That was so nice. But, why didn't that feeling continue?
Throughout my 10 (now almost plus) years practicing yoga, I remember coming out of a class or practice feeling amazing, and not so amazing. I recall teachers I studied with discussing how yoga shifts the whole body on many levels: physically, mentally, emotionally, energetically, and spiritually (also known as the five sheaths). You could call them layers as well like tension can have layers. If you've heard of the metaphor peeling the layers of an onion, there are quite a few, wouldn't you think? So, when we start to practice yoga and go deeper, layers begin to peel off and "stuff" happens. Sometimes we have NO idea what it is. For instance, we start crying in the middle of pigeon or savasana; We envision ourselves reaching a goal we have been working on in some area of our life: Or simply, while standing in tree pose, imagine that we are actually a tree!
Whatever it is, yoga brings us home to ourselves. It shows us those light and dark places. When the dark parts arise, we may resist, and create more tension in the body. Perhaps, this is what was happening to me. Maybe something was trying to acknowledge itself. Something from the past or present that needs to be heard, seen or let go. We have so many layers, upon layers, upon layers of within ourselves, sometimes we, after years of practice, may just scratch the surface. Unless we are willing to go there, that is where we find the answers, and the healing can begin.
That is what yoga does for me. It is what I transmit to my students when I teach. I may not literally say in the above paragraph everytime, but I share with them, that it's okay to feel frustrated during a pose. It's okay to feel off balance one day when you were on the day before. It's okay to walk out of class not feel as good as you did the last class. Use those feelings as a learning tool and guidance.
We are ever-changing, fluctuating beings with so much more stimuli around us than years before. Our bodies and mind are always moving toward balance. Yoga is something we may not master in this lifetime, but it is an amazing tool for growth, balance and support now.
