There's always a come-back after a set-back

As I reflect back on the goals I made here,  I did get about 50% of it done.  That's awesome, considering I experienced some setbacks.  So let's pay attention to the positive.

What I DID do:
- handed in my transfer application, personal statement, high school transcripts
-submitted a FAFSA form for financial aid (not on goal list but part of the process)
-sent recommendation forms to appropriate individuals to fill out and send to the school
-sent a NY State form to my previous massage school to fill out and submit
-scheduled my willPower & Grace videoshoot for January 20 (submission date may need to change since I put January 21)
-received a Cranio-Sacral session

Reading these accomplishments, I do feel good; however, there's that little voice inside my head saying,"You should've done more!", "you're not going to get it done", "this is too hard", "FUCK IT!".  This is the setback that I experienced (and still experiencing).

That is an old part of me.  A part of me that's protecting me from failure.  Yes, I have a fear of failure.  I've done a lot of work around it, but this past week it came back strong and kicked me in the ass HARD.  Now, I'm working on turning it around.  Changing that fear into love and compassion for myself with all this work I'm doing to do what I want to do. 

I'm just trying to manage it all, and boy, is it tiring....I will get there.  I will make a come back with this setback.

One thing at a time...my new meditation towards reaching those goals.

It can be hard to stop being a certain way and totally shift toward another type of being.

In the past, I was one to pack it in the schedule and do it all.  But that started to work against me, and the more I resisted changing it, the more frustrated I got.  I know now that taking one thing at time is more my speed.  Not that I'm an old woman!  No way!  It's also about patience and letting things unfold. 

Sitting in meditation takes focus, time, practice, and....yep...patience.  Whatever goal you set (losing weight, vacation, finishing that book) takes time.  Meditation forces you to be present with everything that comes up, not just while you're sitting or lying there, but in your daily life. 

I have a few goals I want to meet by the end of this month and it's going to require motivation and reminders of why I want to meet these goals.  I totally want the outcome; however, I also keep in mind that there may be setbacks or bumps along the way.  I keep in mind to not be attached to the outcome or result.  So, if I don't get that particular application out on January 11, it won't be the END OF THE WORLD if it goes out the 12th, 13th, or 14th.  What matters is that, I am doing it the best way I can. 

Meditation teaches us to listen to ourselves and the experiences around us.  It also allows us to look at our emotions ,which isn't always pleasant, but, hey, we're human and we feel, right?!

So to keep myself accountable, I want to share my progress (and bumps in the road) either on this blog or my Facebook page because it will get me closer and closer to what I want and get support when I need it.  It's also fun to create! 

Thus far, I have:
-contacted two people to write recommendations and mailed out the form to one person (WOO HOO!)
-finished my personal statement for the transfer massage student application (WOO HOO!)
-finished form 1 and 2 of the NY State Dept of Education application, and will mail it out once I get it notarized (WOO HOO!)

That's pretty awesome!  I want to acknowledge myself for staying on track even in the face of procrastination: my greatest teacher ;-)

At the beginning of any new year, we have goals, desires and dreams.  What are yours?  What have you done to start making them happen?  Have you told anyone?  Sometimes telling a friend or loved one makes it more real.  Dreaming and talking about it gets you more excited and motivated.  Visualizing yourself already there brings energy and joy around it. 

So share it!