Death

it's hard being so far away when someone you love dies.  my nana was strong all the way through but her little body just got tuckered out.  i'm glad i got to see her one last time last weekend before she exited from the earth.  now it's back home again to say those last good-byes and i-love-yous.

death is an interesting thing.  we hope our loved ones live on in another place. a beautiful, calm place.  we are all energy and we don't really die, it's only the bodies that we inhabit for our time on earth. at least that's what i believe and there are many beliefs out there.  as i stood next to her, even though she was out because of the morphine, i know she could hear me.  little twitches and even smiles would show and that comforted me.  pictures of my grandfather, baba, were next to her and i knew he was there.  he was there waiting for her. waiting to ease her suffering. waiting so that their souls can be together forever.  as i thought these things, i felt so many emotions: sadness, love and pain, but it was beautiful. it was peaceful. it was profound.  being with death is a powerful thing because you think of your own mortality and those present in your life.  you also think of those who have already transcended which can be good because it's undone grief.

i know she's at peace now.  i know she's reunited with my grandfather and all her family and friends who, too have passed.  what things can we do for ourselves during this time?

it's amazing how my appetite has decreased, even my water intake. i force myself to just do eat and drink because i know i have to.  i know things will get easier no matter how long the funk is here. it's temporary and i will move through it.  right now it's about moving through the funk no matter how thick, a sludgy it is.  gotta get through the dark to get to light.