I can't get over the insight I've been receiving for the past week. Since my last post, things have unfolded before me. I've realized how much I've been distracting myself from what's really been going on.
I was talking to a friend last night because I really needed support. I knew stuff was coming up and I didn't know why, yet I knew why. That's the way it goes.
I did some clearing out of stale, negative thoughts and beliefs. I couldn't believe what was coming up and then BOOM! It kicked me in the butt. My friend was a witness to this too.
I have a HUGE story about perfection. How I have to be perfect at everything I do, and if I'm not or don't do it right the first time, I'm a failure or not good enough. I continued to clear out more negative thoughts and beliefs around that and an inquiry came up, "why do I always feel like I have to prove myself?" Who am I proving myself to? Myself? My husband? A kid from elementary school who used to tease me? My parents?
SHA-ZAM!
My parents divorced when I was about 10 or 11 (and to this day I don't know the exact age). It wasn't a messy divorce, but still not a happy time. The BIG, BIG story that came out of all this perfectionism was that I thought I was the reason they divorced. That in some way it was my fault. Now, these beliefs age at about 10-11 years old because now, as an adult, I know that's not true. I love my parents and they love me, and have always been there for me.
But, WOW! What a heavy thing to hold onto! As I allowed myself to feel the emotions and release it, a lightness came over me. It was moving out.
I felt more clear and certain about my path in front of me. I found my passion and purpose again. I know I am love, and loved by others. I am full of wonderous possibility! We all are.
There was something my friend reminded me of and that it's important to have fun with what we do. We get so caught up in the doing and get so serious that we lose the "fun" out of life. If we're in a place that's not in alignment with our purpose, how are we going to enjoy life?
Where's the joy in that?
Lots of insight there.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Challenges make you grow
I taught my first willPower & Grace class the other night. A moment I worked hard to get to. Then when I did it, I felt awful afterward. The inner critic buzzed in and gave it to me: "what the hell was that?" "you sucked!" "why are you even doing this? Just stick with what you know" "you were SO off beat", etc., etc.
The more I listened, the more awful I felt. For awhile, I really believed it. Some old patterns and ways of thinking/being came back and I felt like a failure. I had a need for compassion, to be seen, to be heard, and understood.
But this other side of me chimed in as well. The compassionate, supportive side. The accepting side. I really knew, deep down, that I did the best I could the first time teaching this new format. Yeah, there were some shaky parts, but overall, I actually had a good time (despite the negative self-talk) and it felt good to finally get an opportunity to teach it to the public.
Once I got to rehearsal and surrounded myself with fun, positive people, I felt a little better. Let's say it was a good distraction since I had to focus on the choreography.
I also got great support and insight from my fellow dancers because they noticed the headspace and mood I was in. At one point, I said out loud, "Why do I put myself through stuff like that?!" I knew the answer, and one of them said it. She said when we challenge ourselves, it helps us grow. If we just keep doing the same thing and not push the envelope, we really don't grow as a person and become better at the task at hand. It's so true; however, I still felt that inner critic telling me otherwise.
Then another one of my fellow dancers said, "You are the expert...you know more about the subject than anyone else in the room."
Yes!
Of course, at the time, I was so worried about what the other students thought of me, but honestly, as Dr. Wayne Dyer says, "It's none of your business what others think of you." I'm also not the regular teacher for that class. I am who I am, and teach whatever I am teaching. We all have our own style and way of transmitting information.
When I first started teaching yoga, I went through the same experience and it took awhile to find my own style and way of teaching. It took time and practice, but I got better and better.
So, through this whole experience, I do want to become a better teacher than I already am. I am a great teacher, and with willPower & Grace, I want to be fabulous. More grounded, creative, and magnifying!
Ooohh! I like that. Magnifying. Magnetic. Inspiring.
So when faced with challenges, how do you approach it? Do you give up and walk away? What does your inner critic say to you?
The more I listened, the more awful I felt. For awhile, I really believed it. Some old patterns and ways of thinking/being came back and I felt like a failure. I had a need for compassion, to be seen, to be heard, and understood.
But this other side of me chimed in as well. The compassionate, supportive side. The accepting side. I really knew, deep down, that I did the best I could the first time teaching this new format. Yeah, there were some shaky parts, but overall, I actually had a good time (despite the negative self-talk) and it felt good to finally get an opportunity to teach it to the public.
Once I got to rehearsal and surrounded myself with fun, positive people, I felt a little better. Let's say it was a good distraction since I had to focus on the choreography.
I also got great support and insight from my fellow dancers because they noticed the headspace and mood I was in. At one point, I said out loud, "Why do I put myself through stuff like that?!" I knew the answer, and one of them said it. She said when we challenge ourselves, it helps us grow. If we just keep doing the same thing and not push the envelope, we really don't grow as a person and become better at the task at hand. It's so true; however, I still felt that inner critic telling me otherwise.
Then another one of my fellow dancers said, "You are the expert...you know more about the subject than anyone else in the room."
Yes!
Of course, at the time, I was so worried about what the other students thought of me, but honestly, as Dr. Wayne Dyer says, "It's none of your business what others think of you." I'm also not the regular teacher for that class. I am who I am, and teach whatever I am teaching. We all have our own style and way of transmitting information.
When I first started teaching yoga, I went through the same experience and it took awhile to find my own style and way of teaching. It took time and practice, but I got better and better.
So, through this whole experience, I do want to become a better teacher than I already am. I am a great teacher, and with willPower & Grace, I want to be fabulous. More grounded, creative, and magnifying!
Ooohh! I like that. Magnifying. Magnetic. Inspiring.
So when faced with challenges, how do you approach it? Do you give up and walk away? What does your inner critic say to you?
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
It's done. Now what? Stay positive.
So I accomplished one of the goals I declared HERE. I videotaped myself teaching a willPower & Grace class, and sent it in to be evaluated and now I'm an Official Instructor!
So, WOO HOO ME :-)))))
It feels great to get stuff done, especially stuff that you love to do. Of course, getting those certain things done (laundry, decluttering that drawer, etc.) may feel great too, but if it's a passion, dream, or a health/fitness goal, it feels different and so much better.
You feel like you could accomplish anything. You feel inspired to do the next thing.
So what is the next thing?
I know once I obtain that letter from NY State to continue my massage education to get licensed, I will be soooo psyched!
Staying positive is a challenge/goal in itself. So perhaps while I wait (patiently) for that letter, I can practice ways to stay positive. Hmmmmm, that's a hard one because there are times when we don't feel that way, or everything seems to be falling apart. Let's see:
1) I can visualize that letter arriving in the mail saying, "you have enough hours. Go practice massage!"
Or,
2) continue to visualize myself practicing massage in my own space, on my chosen time, and creating lots of income because I can charge what I want;
And/or,
3) perhaps, when I have "one of those days" call a friend who supports me; who knows my passion(s) and purpose; and can celebrate my awesomeness.
I like those!
How do you stay positive? When you feel down, or are thinking self-defeating thoughts, what do you do?
So, WOO HOO ME :-)))))
It feels great to get stuff done, especially stuff that you love to do. Of course, getting those certain things done (laundry, decluttering that drawer, etc.) may feel great too, but if it's a passion, dream, or a health/fitness goal, it feels different and so much better.
You feel like you could accomplish anything. You feel inspired to do the next thing.
So what is the next thing?
I know once I obtain that letter from NY State to continue my massage education to get licensed, I will be soooo psyched!
Staying positive is a challenge/goal in itself. So perhaps while I wait (patiently) for that letter, I can practice ways to stay positive. Hmmmmm, that's a hard one because there are times when we don't feel that way, or everything seems to be falling apart. Let's see:
1) I can visualize that letter arriving in the mail saying, "you have enough hours. Go practice massage!"
Or,
2) continue to visualize myself practicing massage in my own space, on my chosen time, and creating lots of income because I can charge what I want;
And/or,
3) perhaps, when I have "one of those days" call a friend who supports me; who knows my passion(s) and purpose; and can celebrate my awesomeness.
I like those!
How do you stay positive? When you feel down, or are thinking self-defeating thoughts, what do you do?
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