So what!

I can't stand sitting here at my desk, pondering, over and over, if I should go to class tonite. It's a 4 hour class, which is definitely a downer, but on a positive note I'll be seeing people I love and give/receive bodywork. So why do I still don't want to go? A part of me says, SO WHAT?! Don't go then. what's the big deal? you'll be able to make it up anyway. you have a whole year to make it up. why beat yourself up about it. I'm so sick of doing that. beating myself over stupid shit. i've worked so hard this past year and the year before that. my body needs a break. my mind needs a break. i can't wait to go home next week, so i know that's a reason for this feeling. this feeling of laziness, unmotivated. I'll be starting massage classes again next month/next year anyway and that motivates me because it's a brand new, fresh year! so why not save my energy for that? can someone help me justify this? or should i just say so what!? because that's how i really feel anyway. i can't wait to bring this up to my therapist. going with how i feel and what i need has been such a great break-through, great progress. the other con is that this whole week i've been feeling under the weather and that's usually a sign of i'm doing too much. man, do i have a history of doing WAY too much! i guess we'll just have to see how the day goes.....