I am 10 years old again

So I had my birthday yesterday which was weird but also fun because EVERYONE should have fun on their birthday. It all started on Monday when I found out that a group of coworkers were taking out another coworker for lunch on her birthday which was the same day as mine. This rattled me because I work with these people too! I decided to email one of them very non-chalantly that it was my birthday too. No response. So I found myself as 10 years old again feeling left out and distraught. When my actual birthday came, I received lots of acknowledge from so many people (some being the coworkers) I decided to shift my attention to those who I didn't work with and feel the joy and love. It stayed for a bit....

But something kept eating at me about it. I know it triggered me deeply but it was also felt on the surface as well. I was having a lot of mind chatter. It was so loud I wanted to bang my head against the wall. I felt those emotions and let them flow. I can't just pretend that everything is okay. I did that for so many years and it's just not me anymore. It's like some people create this iron gate around themselves but are completely unaware of it. That's how I feel about these coworkers. It's like they haven't a clue that this could've hurt my feelings. That not even acknowledgment about it the fact that they forgot about me, yet I could feel that they knew what they did, but they just couldn't fess up to it that they fucked up. Thanks for the "Happy Birthday" but how about, "Happy Birthday and we're sorry we didn't invite you to lunch with us. Our bad!". Then I wouldn't have cared so much.

I feel like I've gone way too much into it, but for heaven's sake, IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! No one should feel dissed, left out or feeling like shit on their birthday. I always make it a point to say it, text it, email it, channel it, or whatever to that person.

This morning those feelings were still there but not as intense. It was hard to come to work and actually be friendly to ANYONE for that matter. It's definitely passed now but it still feels shitty. It's like being in elementary, middle and high school all over again! Come on, people, grow up!