since my surgery, i've been resting. what is that? in a way, it's like i don't know how to. i read 2 books so far and i'm on my third, with 3 to go! i've been watching silly movies to keep my spirits up and taking little walks even if it's just for a cup of tea at the local coffee shop. my first day out was saturday to the beach. what a glorious day! then on sunday, more outdoor walking about. walking is weird sometimes but it's getting better. there's pressure near the incisions and at first, i felt scared and uneasy about walking. walking around the apartment is okay because i feel safer. maybe it's pain meds making me feel this way. Ah! yes, the pain meds what a trip and that's exactly what they put you on. a trip. a bad trip. even though it helped with initial pain, the after-effects are awful. i would feel out of control with my emotions. feeling out of control with my emotions was a familiar episode I used to take on a lot. but not feeling that way for years and then suddenly being induced into it was, plainly, shitty.
my first night after the surgery, i began weeping in my bed. it must have been the vicodin. that stuff's intense. joe embraced me until i fell asleep. then after that i just stuck with ibprofen 600mg because i didn't want to feel that again. then 2 nights later, it happened again. my whole body ached, not just the incision sites. joints and muscles. it must've been the anesthesia and painkillers leaving my body. i began weeping again. usually i have an idea of why i'm crying, but it's sucks when you don't have any idea. damn, that shit is powerful! thank God for essential oils such as lavendar. it saved me during this episode.
so finally be able to get out of the apartment helped with those symptoms. i was confined for 3 days but I know some people are confined longer, so i felt grateful for my body at that moment, being able to go for a ride in the car and walk a little hear and there.
it's sometimes hard to know what to write, especially about not-so-pleasant things that happen. i'm trying to reconnect with that part of my body that had to endure the surgery. the trauma. of course it was a different type of trauma this time. it's been very emotional. i'll close my eyes and focus on my 2nd chakra area and begin crying. why? i don't know. sometimes it's out of compassion. sometimes it's out of anger and frustration. it's a lot of different things. emotions. feelings. thoughts. beliefs. insights. so it goes from here. Yay! for recovery!
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