When fear sets in

I know purging the past either from your body, closet, basement, attic, etc is a good thing, but what happens when the fear sets in? I want to purge and process what's been coming up for me (from last post) but then I get that sensation in my stomach of butterflies and nerves. My body and self is definitely yearning for freedom and peace from all of this. It's very strong and I know I can do it. It's like I have to tell that voice of fear to "SHUT UP!" just so I can move on. Maybe it's because I had coffee this morning. I only did it because I need to get "things moving" in the ol' colon if you know what I mean. Then that tells me that something is either stuck or not ready to merge. Anyway, needed to get that off of my chest.

Purging the past

Over the weekend, I learned how much of the past I have been holding in my body. I really appreciate my massage classes and the school, because I feel it's a very safe place for releasing emotions or other physical pain the body may be experiencing. The areas we worked on was the ribs and spine. I have NEVER had my ribs worked on before in any bodywork or massage I received in the past. I know I hold some anger in my spine and right side of my ribs. But the left ribs hold a lot of hurt and sadness. No images popped up. Just feelings. However, these feelings were definitely old, probably from childhood, teenage years and twenties. I had emotional releases both days with lots of crying. Of course, afterward I felt amazing! Lots of spaces opened up. It's amazing how much we can hold in a certain area of our bodies.

If you think of the ribs, they're a protective cage. They protect our vital organs--stomach, spleen, liver, pancreas, gallbladder. In my experience, why wouldn't some traumas, both physical and emotional, want to go there? It's the perfect place! I haven't had any issues with my spleen (at least that I know of), so I wasn't aware of all this holding. It's like a box with old memories, situations, feelings, reactions, and people in my life that I put into it and tucked it away behind my left side of ribs. It helps me to think in metaphors with this stuff to help me understand and when I share it with others. I know I've only tapped into it, but my willingness to really have a "purge", on a scale of 1-10 is at a 10.

Today I feel melancholy and a little distant. I don't want to be at work, but it's something I gotta do. I feel like I lost weight from the weekend which I probably did. Those protective layers or boxes have been shed and emptied. I feel scared about going deeper because of the images or memories that may pop up, but yet, I'm curious and want to know. I need to do this. It's okay.