Update: Proactive with my biz

So I feel very productive as I will get my updated website going before Sept 20, and I contacted the Student Coordinator at my massage school to set up an appointment!  Yiiippee! PROGRESS! Love it! I'm celebrating my progress so far, which is so important to do.  In the past, I always felt like I had to do these ginormous tasks to feel a sense of accomplishment, when really it's those little things that are really huge. 

I've also been feeling the shift in the cosmos, as mercury is still in retrograde, I can feel "off".  But this time I feel more clear and motivated than I ever have been.  It's doing those uncomfortable things, which is what makes it all clear.  I've been doing the things--that I normally would complain and bitch about--with more enthusiasm and joy.  I've also been very aware of my use of language so I can get closer to what I want.  Instead of saying, "I want this or that, but I can't have it because I need this or that", I say "I have it" or "I am it".  In other words, I'm working on eliminating the "lack of" out of my language/vocabulary/statements.  I value the knowledge I have, and I share it with others.  I am inspiration, joy and abundance.  I am perfect just the way I am.

Press from the "Public Butoh Happening"

My friend/collaborator, Deborah, googled our event "Public Butoh Happening in Civic Center" that we did over a week ago and she found a blog about us!  It so nice to know that we all do make a difference in people's lives.

Enjoy!

http://sfciviccenter.blogspot.com/2010/08/buddhas-butoh-dance.html

Proactive in my biz

I want to be more proactive in my business.  I'm practicing my biz part time right now, which is fine, but I'm starting to get that itch for more.  I've had this itch before, and usually made some excuse as to why I can't do it.  Yes, I have some debt to pay off and the full time job is helping with that. I'm also seeing results! Something that I thought I wouldn't see...literally. It's happening!! So why not move forward with my passions. what I really want to do.

I have a rough checklist in my head of what I want to complete; however it's always better when you write it down:

1. Redo my website on weebly and transfer my domain by Sept 20
2. Complete my remaining massages classes on Sept 26 (already done)
3. Set up meeting with student coordinator at massage school by August 27
4. Submit my application for massage license in SF/CA with fingerprinting and photo by October 20
5. Teach a movement class in November

I like five items. If I add more, I get overwhelmed and feel I gotta do it all.  That's where I stop being proactive, and more reactive.

My progress so far is going pretty well with #1.  I'm still working out some kinks with the new website, but overall, I feel great about it.  #2, I'm already signed up for the remaining massages classes I need to complete, so I already feel it's done!  #3 is easy and takes 5 minutes.  #4 and #5 will come once I have my meeting with the SC to see how much I have left in hours, and solid ideas set for teaching a movement class. 

It's all stuff I want in my life.  So I want feel joy and excitement in my body about them; while I'm doing them; and when they get done.  Even if little bits get done, I'm going to celebrate that! 

Ode to Sun

Oh Sun, how I missed you. I never thought I'd see you again.  This summer has been unbearable without you.  Bask your rays all over me.  Cover me in that delightful vitamin D.  Give me energy and vibrance to get through the day.  You're like my battery charger for my whole being. I love you sun, so keep shining!

Public Butoh Happening!

I'm am so excited to be dancing with two women, whom I started butoh with back in 2002!  This Thursday, August 19 @ 7:00 p.m-ish Civic Center, San Francisco, the happening will be under the enormous Three Heads Six Arms Sculpture.

Come to witness and experience this beautifully, haunting form of movement.

Butoh: A Dance for Me

I learned and studied ballet from 5 yrs-12 yrs old. Then modern dance all through high school.  I loved modern because it broke ballet's rules.  Then towards the end of the college, I drew my attention to more contemporary forms of dance/movement such as butoh.  This is when I discovered this other element to dance.  For years, I felt I was always dancing for others and never for myself.  Butoh taught me that the dance can be for yourself.  A deeper part of you showing itself, while the audience takes it in their way.  It still can be for others, but it really does start within.  This should be for any dance technique out there.  I guess, for me, when I danced in high school, for example, it was always a competition, because it literally was! I was on a dance team and we competed throughout the state and country.  We even went to international festivals.  Also, your teachers also make a difference too. I loved my teacher in high school, but it was the butoh teachers who really showed me these other elements.  We would take an object, image, or feeling and make that the dance. Sometimes it became personal (whether you intended it to be or not) and a lot of healing would come out it. 

I'm not going to write an essay about butoh.  I find it very difficult to "write" about it.  You have to see it or experience it for yourself.  It's a different experience for everyone.  The late, founder of butoh, Kazuo Ohno stated butoh as, "not thinking. only soul."  He said it all there.

I've worked with many dancers who use somatic studies with butoh.  It really is a way to embody your emotions, traumas, life experiences, etc. For example, it's amazing to work with dreams.  In my recent performance, I used an image from a dream I had three weeks ago.  Since my piece was about women's moon cycles, the dream image I incorporated was my IUD falling out of me.  I know this can be grotesque and uncomfortable for some to imagine, but the dream was so vivid for me at the time, I had to use it in my piece.  For awhile, I haven't really accepted/welcomed the IUD into my body. Back in January, an ultrasound showed the lining in my uterus had a very large thickening,, which caused excessive bleeding, causing anemia.  My doctor wanted to remove the thickening (surgically) and thin it out with an IUD or the pill. I struggled with choosing the IUD or to go back on the birth control pill.  I was ALL SET with the pill, so that left me with the IUD.  I would've done a more holistic approach, but this was something that needed to be done urgently, so a more western approach was needed.

In my dream, I got my period and it was very heavy.  When I went to the bathroom, my IUD was hanging out of my vagina and I was afraid to move away from the toilet.  Then I stood up to call a friend. When I woke up, I had to actually go to the bathroom and check!  This would NEVER happen, and if it did, it would be the rarest thing ever. So I used this image and feeling in my piece. During the performance, I would think of the image and allowed my body to feel it.  I plan on using this image again, but for a longer time to see what manifests.  My piece was finalized, but more of a finalized work-in-progress.  For me, I may practice this image by itself.

It would be fun and interesting to teach a butoh class associated with dreams.  What an amazing way to work with your subconscious/unconscious.  A way to dance these images, feelings, and/or visions for yourself.  So many symbols and messages happen in our dreams for a reason.  It's our deep subconscious talking to us.  I guess it depends if we want to listen or not. 

Bruised art

I realize that when I perform, I really go for it.  In other words, I find myself sacrificing my body in the name of art.  Hey, who said dance or movement had to be pretty?

my poor knees!

This picture shows the evidence, especially the left knee (sorry it might be gross to some).  As a bodyworker, I'm aware of what sides I favor in my body.  This clearly shows I was using my left more when initiating movement.  A week before the performance, I kept re-bruising my left hip (not pictured), then it happened to the knee.  I find stuff like that interesting.

I will be posting a link to the video of my performance soon.  You'll see where these bruises manifested.  Stay tuned!

Connection

I was chatting with a friend of mine yesterday about connection.  The need for connection is so big within all of us, we sometimes don't see it.  In many ways, disconnection from people is one of the main causes for suffering in the world.  We need each other for support, love and community. 

For the past few days, I had been REALLY cranky.  I was blaming it on the San Francisco weather--fog, fog, and more fog.  Then I blamed it on my packed schedule this week, and once it's done, I'll be fine.  That's a little true, but there was definitely more.  Joe left this morning for New York to go to his cousin's wedding.  I would have liked to go along too, but it would've been too expensive.  Besides, we're saving to move back to the east coast next summer, so the less flight purchases, the more in the bank.  I realized yesterday how much this affected me.  That he got to go home to see family and I couldn't.  That he would be with his family on this joyous occasion.  It triggered in me how much I miss my family, especially my grandparents, who have recently passed away.  So much grief came up, I just let myself cry.  I was grateful Joe was there with me.  I was able to express these feelings and it was a load off.  But then anger came up too.  Anger around why my mom won't come and visit me in San Francisco.  I have anger around the stories she has as to why she can't come visit. I even had anger towards my dad, who, for him, it's easy to come visit me.  I know I can make requests for this, but first I want to be clear about my feelings. How I feel so disconnected when family don't come to visit me to see my life, my surroundings, my world.  It's not that they've never come to visit me in the past.  It's just I feel like I've gone back there more in the past 7 years.  I have a need for consideration, connection and family. 

This feeling of disconnection is still there, but it's okay.  I know I'm still in the middle of "it". Since Joe will be away for 5 days, I will take this opportunity to process these feelings, and connect with people in my life and community.  It's important and vital to my health right now on a physical and emotional level.  I just REALLY MISS MY FAMILY!

Bare Bones Butoh Presents 18

I will be performing Friday and Saturday, August 13 and 14 at 8:00p.m.  Come see some of my new work!

Bare Bones Butoh Presents 12 November 2008

Bare Bones Butoh Presents is a performance showcase for local and International artists working in the areas of Butoh, Performance Art, and/or Ritual Performance. It exists for artists to try out new material, show works in process, hone improvisation chops and redo or revisit previous material. Bare Bones Butoh Presents employs the grassroots ethic of working together to sustain an artistic culture.

The minimal fee the audience pays at the door allows Bare Bones Butoh Presents to function as a fundraising platform which supports local Butoh and Performance Artists. Every Bare Bones Butoh Presents show has been a Benefit Performance for an individual or group within the Butoh/Performing Arts community in need. Bare Bones Butoh Presents 18 is no exception.

Bare Bones Butoh Presents is community building and performance all smushed together into two evenings.

Tickets:
$5-20 sliding scale (no one turned away for lack of funds)





Location:
Studio 210
3435 Cesar Chavez Street @ Valencia
SF, CA


Transportation:
Street parking, MUNI lines 14 and 27, and 24th Street stop on BART walk 4 blocks

For more information, contact Bob Webb bobwebb20@hotmail.com

Releasing tension with shaking

I took a yoga workshop over the weekend called "Yoga and TRE."  TRE stands for Tension Release Exercises. It can also be called Trauma Release Exercises.  It was developed by Dr. David Berceli, a bioenergetic therapist.  He worked in Africa with communities, who experience trauma all the time such as war, terrorism, genocide, etc.  It focuses on releasing this tension from the Psoas muscle, which is located very deep in the pelvis, under the abdominal muscles and organs.  It is where our core is located, or our power center.  These exercises have been taught to firefighters, police officers, soldiers, and those who have experienced some form of post-traumatic stress.  We all have experienced some form of trauma/tension in our lives.  Traumas have a way of imprinting the body in some way, and when they're happening in the moment, our minds may not be able to deal with it, so we bury it away in our bodies.  We have physical injuries, as well as emotional/mental injuries.

What I found interesting about this work was the shaking movements that occurred in the body.  After we did some gentle yoga to get out of the mind, we started the exercises.  One in particular was lying down on the floor, with the soles of your feet together, and the knees wide apart (like Reclined Bound Angle pose).  We began with our knees toward the floor, and then after a minute, you move your knees up a quarter-of-an-inch and hold for another minute.  You continue this about 5 times. Each time I moved my knees, my legs and pelvis were shaking so much!  It intensified as I brought my knees closer together.  It felt as if my pelvis was a propeller, and the vibration was so strong, it was going to burst out and away!   I was definitely giggling--as was other people--and a few tears surfaced.  The teacher explained throughout the exercises that some people may shake more than others, but that's okay.  The important thing is to breathe and to try and let go of any judgments.

Afterward, I felt relaxed and sore.  This is expected, but you can have a different experience every time you do it.  She recommended practicing the exercises on your own, which I most definitely will do!

When I went to bed that night, I had this dull, achy feeling in my pelvis.  I could feel my psoas muscles!  But, the feeling was also around the area where I had my surgery.  The teacher shared that this work helps with scar tissue, which I know I still have in this area.  So it's possible that the scar tissue in my lower abdomen was shifting, changing, and responding to the exercises.  She emphasized to pay attention to yourself later on, and even into the next day because things can surface later on.  The achy feeling didn't disrupt my sleep, in fact, I slept very well.  I'm excited to try these exercises again, and will be back to share more about it.

For more information on these workshops, http://traumaprevention.com/.

My teacher, Maria Alfaro, http://www.yogadventure.com/yoga_retreat.html