How do you make yourself small?

This was the first question I read from my favorite blogs and websites, The Daily Love or TDL. Wow, what a way to stir the pot! Mastin Kipp, founder/author of TDL, talks about how we make excuses for why we can’t get what we want in life. Even when we allow ourselves those moments to dream about that dream job, house, car, vacation, relationship, business, etc., we make excuses as to why it can’t or never will happen. In the past, I always had an excuse for why I couldn’t do something.

While I was in Yoga Teacher Training, we had our Teaching Methods class, which was very challenging for me. I got so nervous standing in front of my teacher and classmates teaching a pose, that I started to shake, speak too low, sweat, and forget the main actions of the pose. I had a tough teacher, who would chime in A LOT to correct us, and I know now, all she wanted was for us to be the best teachers ever.

But I took it so personally, that I created the belief that I was a failure at everything and wasn’t good enough.

I also had a need to be understood, heard and loved, but my negative self-talk (aka Mind Chatter) would make me wrong for the way I was feeling (frustration, sadness) because I had another belief/story that it’s wrong to feel frustration, anger, or sadness.

Although I got teaching opportunities after my training, this belief (which affected everything in my life) still hung over me to the extent that I almost quit teaching. However, I know these beliefs started a long time ago, and through lots of personal growth work over the years, I realized these beliefs were not me and not true.

What we say and think about ourselves matters. I learned this through Marshall Rosenberg’s amazing process of Nonviolent Communication, which teaches us to openly and honestly express our feelings and needs without judgment.

He says “Every criticism, judgment, diagnosis, and expression of anger is the tragic expression of an unmet need.”

In other words, we tend to make ourselves or others wrong for feeling angry, frustrated, or sad, when really it all stems from a need not being met and that we may not aware of.

So what beliefs do you have? What statements/excuses do you tell yourself why something is? The ones I have heard myself say and others say are: I’m too old; it’s just too hard; I’m not good enough; I don’t deserve it; they won’t like/believe me.

These are the beliefs that hold us back from getting what we want and are needs met. But what we forget is that the Universe provides everything; and when we ask for those desires through affirmation or prayer, we need to feel that light and joy of possibility when we put it out there. That we are worthy and deserving. That we are not our thoughts, stories or beliefs. We are love, light and apart of this world.

So I invite you to track these thoughts or beliefs that you tell yourself. Write them down throughout the day, and then see what feeling or emotion is attached to it.

For example, my past story was, “I’m not good enough. I feel sad and depressed because I have a need for acceptance, to be heard and understood.”

So be aware of the challenges in your life, but don’t let them stop you. We all have challenges, but we also have choices.

Letting go of....

I'm feeling very melancholy on this foggy, wet Monday morning. I would like to say it's because of the weather; or that it's PMS. But I feel something within me that's letting go. Something that's not serving me anymore, but isn't exactly ready to leave. It's old. It's from the past. It's heavy.

It is an old way of being that needs acknowledgment; to be heard; to be understood; and to be loved. Although, I don't exactly know what it is right now, it's okay. I'm okay with that. There's no judgment. Just inquiry. Why does my abdomen feel fluttery? Why does my heart ache? Why can't I just let go?

That last question can really charge me, especially if someone asks me that from a place of anger or frustration. Is it really me, or is it something the other person can't let go of? Then again, it's okay to be angry; and it's unfortunate not everyone expresses their anger. It usually gets bottled up inside, and then explodes.

I wish I knew how to just "let go" of a feeling, thought, or situation. When I can't, that's when I know I need time to process the emotions because once I can do that, whatever it is that's eating me up, will evaporate and flow away. I will sit quietly and meditate, do yoga, talk to a friend, journal, or just cry.

I recognize my needs. I also do my best to recognize others' needs. But in any relationship, are we suppose to be mind-readers? I do my best to recognize this, but if I don't and it's important to that person, is it my responsibility to weed it out of them, or can the other play their part in expressing their needs?

These are just questions, and I'm asking them without blaming or judgment. I don't want to label anybody the "bad guy", so I can be the "good guy". That's not what it's about.

I feel we could all take more responsibility for our actions and emotions. I feel we could all be more open, honest, and authentic about how we really feel in the moment. Not a day, week, month or year ago. I feel it's important because we ALL matter. Everything we're about, matters, especially when we're in a relationship; at work; with our family; and to ourselves.

So my affirmations today are:

-I choose to learn
-I let go

These affirmations are from a VERY favorite blog I follow called The Daily Love. Click here to read the post that inspired me to write this one.

In love and light,
-Liz

Emotional Storage Space

Last week, I received some bodywork/energy work and had an emotional release during the session. I felt better, but it didn't last. The very next day my throat started getting sore. I felt fine otherwise; no fever, or other cold-like symptoms. I decided to just watch it and see what happens.

The week went on, the sore throat got worse, but still, no other symptoms. I came to one conclusion that this was more energetic/emotional than an actual microbial infection. I was having memories from middle school; the sixth grade. I had reoccurring tonsilitis; and my parents just got divorce. I know at the time I was storing a lot of anger and grief about that, and at the time, didn't know how to express it. But now I'm so much more aware and have the tools to support me with expressing my emotions and needs. I know as an eleven year old, I was needing some understanding!

Then I received a lymphatic massage session on Saturday, which drew me to my other conclusion. I felt LOTS of stuff move, and even felt nausea for a moment. Also, every time my practitioner worked on my left hip side (pelvic/ovary area), which is a lymph node station, my body would tense and resist. Afterward, I received some coaching, which was really nice. I got clear on some other things I've been holding on to. I've held a lot of fear in my pelvis. Fear of being feminine. Fear of my intuition. Fear of my power. My practitioner pointed out to me that I could be going through a mini-death; a transition from an old way of being to a new way of being: Being a mother. In the past, I used to hold a lot of fear around being a mom and being pregnant. My chatter was, "how can I take care of someone else, when I can't even take care of myself?", "I'm too screwed up to be mom", or "I wouldn't be a good mom because I don't take care of myself or my relationships." I know I'm not the only one who has this chatter. I realize now that a lot of women have the same fears.

I want to be more aware and committed to nurturing this part of myself. I want to acknowledge that old way of being and embrace, accept and love the new way of being. I feel it in my body that I want to have a baby. It feels joyful, happy, and my right.

According to Anodea Judith's book, "Eastern Body, Western Mind", she explains the seven chakra centers as our seven rights. Since this past week was about my 2nd and 5th, the 2nd chakra (lower abdomen/pelvis) is the right to feel; and the 5th chakra (throat area/mouth) is the right to speak. In the past, there were many reasons why I didn't feel/think I had the right to feel or speak up for myself or express my emotions. But now I want to celebrate them! I want to move that energy in a positive, healthy way. I'm done with storing and hiding it away. I want it to be present.

Do you have a storage space in your body?

Connecting with myself

Wow, it's been a crazy month! Lots of stuff, growth and projects. Over the past month, I've realized how important it is to really take care of yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually. A month ago, my friend from college passed away suddenly. It was a very surreal experience for me, my husband and the friends I reconnected with at the funeral. Even though it was a sad time, it was also celebration time. Celebration of life! This friend really moved a lot of people in different ways.

Before this happened, I had decided to cut back on my massage school classes to give myself some space and a break. I decided it was time to really connect with my emotions and my needs. As I've been doing this over the past month, shifts and changes have occurred and I don't feel the resistance. I moved through whatever it was that came up and to just, be with myself; give compassion to myself; give myself time to process and rest. Of course, we all get into bad moods and I sure let myself be in one about a week ago. But it's good to acknowledge that it's happening and choose what to do next. I chose ease and joy. So I dug into my toolbox and did some breathing, yoga, talked to people or had some alone time. These were things that I would never do for myself in the past. I used to feel I always had to keep pushing and pushing through. It's okay to do that to a point, but I needed to check in with myself on those occasions when frustration or anger would occur. I would say to myself, "Hey Liz, what's going?", "How do you feel?", "What do you need?". Sometimes I wouldn't know the answers right away, but that's okay. Perhaps, it was about accepting what is and not getting myself tangled up with it, which would create more tension.

We did an exercise in class last night and it was to answer the question, "Who loves me?". one of the people I wrote was ME! I appreciate myself for connecting, being, accepting, feeling, needing, caring, and loving myself. In the past I never had a lot of self-confidence and now I can say, and believe, that I do! What a ride!

Transform Unhealthy Desires

I feel like I do this all the time or not enough of the time! Ha! that's how it goes sometimes. But I know I'm much more present with my emotions, needs and desires than I have ever been. For instance, right now, I know I have a touch of candida (yeast build-up in the digestive system). I know I over-indulged this past week and weekend in comfort foods, sweets and processed foods. I'm pretty good about staying clear of it, but there was a lot going on last week, so I resorted to grabbing this and that to-go which consisted of muffins, bagels, crackers and other high carby, sugary foods. I love it and you know, we all love it! But I do question myself as to how is this benefiting me? or others? Even with other aspects of our lives, acknowledging our desires and impulses. What is it that I really want here? Especially when I feel irritated or frustrated. This article will be a great theme for my next newsletter because it's been such a huge theme in my life. Why do I have a sense of urgency when doing things? What's the rush?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(From yogajournal.com daily insight)

Every once in a while we all are faced with nagging temptations that take over our thoughts and plague us with an uncontrollable urge to do something we know isn't healthy for us. When those times come—whether it's an impulse to eat an entire bag of potato chips or a desire to say something nasty to a coworker—yogic philosophy tells us to acknowledge our desires, focusing on the emotions that fuel them.

Once you've identified your emotions and how they make you feel, ask yourself what it means in the context of your life. Examine how following the desire will affect you and those around you. Ask yourself: Is the desire beneficial to other people as well as to myself? Could it be hurtful? What will I have to give up to follow this desire? Does it take me closer to my higher Self, or will it create more barriers between my soul and myself? What will I have to give up if I don't follow it? What do I really want by getting what I want? When you've discovered what you really want, voice it, make it an intention, and strive for it in your everyday.

IN THIS ISSUE
I Want It So Bad

http://www.yogajournal.com/wisdom/1839
Gotta Have It?

http://www.yogajournal.com/wisdom/1838