Sweetish Bitters

I've been using Sweetish Bitters to help with cleanse. It helps TREMENDOUSLY with the cravings.  It's this amazing tincture/elixir that supports digestions to promote healthy assimilation of foods; promotes freedom from bloated feelings after meals and provides enzyme catalyst important for the breakdown of food-nutrients.  You simply drop 60 drops (or less depending on the level of condition) to a very small amount of warm water and drink it 15-20 min before eating a meal.  It may taste "bitter" or just plain nasty to some, but you get used it and it's only a small amount.  Here's  information about the ingredients from Gaia Herbs http://www.gaiaherbs.com/product.php?id=266. 

The 1 week hump

I'm feeling very good. It's day 7 of the wheat/gluten cleanse and I definitely feel that some stuff has left my system.  In fact, someone at my work told me that I looked like I lost weight, which wasn't my prime intention for doing this. however, I know the majority of it is water weight anyway. 

One of the most interesting things out of this experience was that I got a major allergy attack this morning: sneezing and running nose.  It's definitely Springtime here in San Francisco, so things are blooming. But I couldn't help feel that this is part of the cleanse.  The "hump" that you have to get over and then it's clear sailing from there.  After an hour after eating my breakfast, I took an olive leaf supplement (anti-fungal) and the allergy symptoms disappeared within 30-40 minutes.  For the past week and a half, I've been hearing and listening to my body more and more.  It doesn't lie! On Saturday, I almost cheated by either eating a burrito, sandwich or thai food.  As my husband handed me the money to go get it, my hand wouldn't even reach up to take the money! I decided to cook at home and stick with the cleanse.  It was probably THE last day of cravings for me, because at work today there was a box of powered donuts in the kitchen for staff and I walked by it many times with my admiring eyes and I kept walking! I even let myself stare at them for a few moments. Yes they looked delicious! Yes I knew they were going to taste amazing (donuts are just one of my many weaknesses)!  But I knew my body wasn't ready and I really didn't have the strong urge like I normally would have. 

I have to face and accept that fact that I love baked goods! Muffins, donuts, breads etc. I want to feel okay with that and not beat myself up about it when I actually do have one.  It's okay to want the not-so-healthy food every once in awhile and I hope this cleanse will remind me of that.  For me, it turned into a more frequent thing and I knew a cleanse was in order.  I also know there has been an emotional cleanse also happening in the process and this attachment/connection with food.  I guess the question I could ask myself is, "what do baked goods do for me physically, emotionally and spiritually?".  I could ponder and ponder, but, I'm not going to analyze it, which is what creates the self-judgments and self-doubt.  It creates the mind chatter that I should've done this or that or I shouldn't blah, blah, blah. I honestly don't know why, so why not just let it be a mystery.   

why can't i just

Everyday this week I have kept wondering when I can practice or go to a yoga class.  For some reason it's just been hard.  I feel it started from when I was medical leave.  Since I had to take it easy, I completely let myself.  Then when I got medically cleared to exercise and resume activities, I took baby steps with lots of walks and gentle yoga. then I go back to work, life, school and then there's no time! How did I do it before? I was practicing quite well and consistently. So what happened? 

I also have been on a wheat/gluten cleanse this week, so preparing and cooking my meals is priority.  I find myself in situations where I'm gonna practice yoga and then I get interrupted.  By the time I'm done dealing with whatever interruption it was, it's close to dinnertime so I bag the exercise for the next day.  So why can't i just get up early and do it? Well, I know me.  I'm stiffer in the morning and I cherish the time I have in bed with my husband. Just laying there and taking my time to wake up is so nice and special.  If I didn't have to work 9-5, I could practice in the morning (that's the mind chatter ranting).  so why can't i just quit my day job? because you have bills to pay (that's so very true right now. got debt to leverage and minimize). 

it's this vicious cycle of "why can't I" and "because this and that" patterns. I know what I have to do and I'm clear about it.  Yes, I don't always want to do it, but I do.  It's a paradox and so contradictory I want to scream!

with everyone still

I had a hard time falling asleep last night.  I feel after the weekend I had at the Butoh Ritual Mexicano workshop, I'm still feeling everyone's energy and there was a point last night when I wanted it to stop.  Of course, I have many people I love with me within my heart, but I've learned how to guard and shield myself in a healthy way, so I don't take on others' energy.  However, I let my guard down over the weekend and it drained me.  I have continued to take care of myself since then, but last night was intense and just loud.  Making all those connections with people was truly powerful, beautiful and profound, but I feel I took on too much at a point. 

Now I feel I'm recovering on an energy body level, not quite all physical and mental/emotional.  Last night, I was still with everyone and they were with me.  There was this sense of attachment which could have been both positive and negative. Healthy and unhealthy.  I don't like it and I like it.  It's a true paradox I find myself in now and for quite some time.  I'm going to seek advice from my friends who are energy workers and deal with this on a daily basis.  I know it'll be okay, it's just an uneasy feeling.

Becoming clear and the Diego Pinon experience

It's Tuesday and I'm still processing my weekend. I really don't have the words to really clearly define the experience, all I know is, it happened and it was for a reason.  I took a workshop with Diego Pinon called Butoh Ritual Mexicano.  I have always wanted to take a workshop with Diego after hearing from friends who studied with him.  I went in there with no expectations.  (I don't want this to be a review of the workshop so go to www.diegopinon.com to find out more about Diego and Butoh Ritual).  Since his work draws a lot from energy work itself, I couldn't help but know and feel that my mind, body and spirit needed this.

There were so many different exercises that created this collective with everyone in the group.  Giving and receiving energy non-stop and feeling, feeling, feeling.......In a nutshell, the whole weekend was about feeling.  There's no other way to put it.  We were all feeling things moment to moment and moving and dancing from that feeling inside all of us.  If you can't feel whatever is inside you, why perform? why share? This was the ongoing inquiry Diego presented all weekend.

During and after this workshop, I became more clear about my desires and needs of my path.  It allowed me to see the power and importance of connection with others.  How we're always wanting to connect with others on a deeper level, yet our culture, world, society may view this as inappropriate or there's a time and place for that.  Why can't we connect all the time on these deeper, conscious levels?  I know many people have fears, but that's just one of the so-called "reasons".  I decided for myself that I not only want to connect more and more with my deeper self, but a LOT MORE with others through this work I experienced over the weekend.  I want to help, support and guide others to do this in my yoga classes and dance workshops.

I also became more clear about this stage in my business.  Since I will be relocating back to the east coast in a year, I decided to use the time I have in the SF Bay Area to learn from what I have to offer and enjoy it at the same time.  In other words, ENJOY what I'm doing! No matter what it is, allow myself to feel it all.  I have been in this paradox for quite some time, but I finally feel that I can go with it without fear and doubt, as long as I ask for support and know it's there. 

Revamping the biz

I've been getting all sorts of ideas for my biz.  I'm definitely feeling the vibes of this year--renew, refresh, refine! I feel a new awareness has awakened  me.  There is a sense of strength and purpose, which is something I haven't really felt or even acknowledged.  I guess I spent most of my life seeking acknowledgment and approval from others when really I could have been celebrating things every moment! AH YES! That's it! Do THAT more often!

For the past week, I have been creating my monthly newsletter for March and I came up with a new way to market my private yoga sessions.  I thought of different names and even looked online to see if something like that was out there.  Tons of stuff came up! But I chose to not let that stop me, which in the past, it did.  Since I integrate so many things within my practice, I came up with Integrative Yoga Session and Integrative Healing Session.  All these types of things came up on google, but I didn't see any type of trademark symbol, so that gave me more hope! But then again, most health practitioners are integrating all the time. So I want to revamp, recreate, reestablish my biz! (yes I love these same letter words of inspiration) Now that I can add massage to the picture, it's really going to allow me to attract clients and opportunities for success. 

It feels good to go with what amps me right now.  In order to let go of all the negative self-talk (mind chatter), I need to listen and feel to the joy of what I do.  I want to think of these ideas and feel it throughout my body and spirit.  I already feel the energy flowing just writing about it.  Regardless where I am, at work, on the mat, on the bus, in the car, I need to take these opportunities to tune into these vibrations.  We all do!

Money: A Love/Hate Relationship

I love money and I hate it.  What I would really like is to love it.  So why do I hate it too? This is an area of my life that I would really love to investigate further, but for now, this blog entry is probably going to be a rant and vent, so thanks for listening.

I guess I love money when I can actually use it towards things that are pleasurable such as trips, eating out, shopping, etc. Who doesn't?  I hate it when I have to pay a credit card company who jacked up their interest rates a gazillion times.  I don't mind money when I have to put it towards things like my car, for example, car insurance, gas, etc.  I love having a car and with a car, comes maintenance.  So that's fine. Rent. I could complain about the rates 'til the cows come home, but honestly I choose to live in an expensive city/area.

Now, I could go down the list of things and justify it, but I'll totally bore myself and repeat myself because I know why my money goes where it goes.  Presently, the primary obstacle that I have been running into is that I find out about certain yoga or dance workshops, classes, trainings that I'm interested in but can't put the money down.  Then I go into this whole shpeel that if I didn't have to pay this or that bill I could go. But what ends up happening is that I go down this negative spiral and end up blaming myself for all the debt I created in my life.  I feel sooooo done doing this to myself! My relationship with money has been a roller coaster these past few weeks and before that I thought I was doing okay.  So what gives? I would love to attend a workshop about money relationships, but you have to spend "money" to go. Hahahaha! See.

I, honestly, know deep down that I'm okay. Financially, I'm making it okay.  So why do I feel myself wanting more now! I feel worth more than what I'm making.  I've read about the Law of Attraction.  I always try to use those principles in order to get into a more positive vibe about money.  I guess there are those times when it just gets overwhelming, especially during the unknown times.  When you really don't know when money is going to come in.  It can be scary.  But it's going to be okay.