Ignite, open, surrender!

I will be teaching Hatha Flow Yoga tonight at the Westside Arthouse, 7:30pm-9:00pm. Tonight we will use our core to ignite and awaken our energy, open the body and mind with twists and hip openers, and then surrender into our souls with gentle forward bends. Go to my yoga page for details, www.movingyogi.com

Why I do yoga

This was a question I posed for myself in the previous post. As I practice yoga on a (almost) daily basis, I ask myself in the beginning of the practice, "Why do I practice yoga?", and then see where it leads me. Sometimes I forget I even asked myself this question, and continue on with my practice and day. Last Tuesday, when I taught my Hatha Flow class, one of the students talked about when and why she started doing yoga, and then asked me the same question. I bless this student for reminding me! I talked about when I was 21 years old, getting ready to graduate college, I began making changes in my life. I began changing the relationships I had with friends, family, and partners. I started to meet new people who had more awareness of body, mind and spirit and introduced me to different practices such as yoga, butoh dance, and meditation. I also discovered Whole Foods, and started looking at food a little differently too. But it comes back to yoga. It comes to the question, was it a coincidence that I began taking yoga classes during this transition in my life? Or was there a reason?

With all the hours of studying and training I've received in the past ten years, "coincidence" has faded from my vocabulary. I believe there is a reason for everything that happens to us and around us. Yoga, being a holistic practice, supports me in those transitional, and sometimes, difficult times. Whether it's grief, loss, or depression, I find those times on the yoga mat very comforting. Even if I'm in resistance, I start doing some sun salutations and I'm immersed in the experience. It's a time when I can really be with thoughts and emotions--anger, sadness, frustration--and allow them to move through and out my body. It brings my attention to my breath, which supports the movement of energy. It's when we hold our breath a lot, or take quick, short breaths, that's how the tension continues to build up, so we are unable to move on.

I do yoga to relieve that tension. I'm sure most people do without realizing it. But in this last decade of practicing and teaching yoga, I really had to remind myself why I do this. There was a time when I loathed it, and it was a time when I wasn't present and in complete resistance. There was a lot of unacknowledged grief and self-doubt, which was so frightening to face. It was just easier to shut down. With a supportive community and with time, shutting down wasn't a way of being anymore. I was more open to being with the uncomfortable feelings more because I realized they would pass quicker if I just sat with them. I look forward to practicing yoga, and teaching! So how did this happen?

Compassion, love, understanding, and acceptance (to name a few). Yoga teaches us this. It brings us into our body, allows us to look at the mind, and connect with our soul. But we need to go through the dark periods, in order to get to the light. There's no joy, without sorrow. There's no happiness without sadness/anger. There's no yin without yang. It's all about balance, and this is what yoga offers us.

So, if you're a yoga practitioner or other practitioner of whatever passion/hobby/practice you do, why do you do it? What keeps bringing you back? Does it ignite your creative fire, and how do you contain it and then move it? How do you cultivate it in your daily life?

I invite you to take 5-15 minutes a day to answer these questions one at time. Don't feel you have to answer all of them at once. Or see what questions arise within yourself, but without judgment. A little self-reflection and inquiry can go a LONG way.

Namaste ~

Be Kind to Yourself: Taking time for self-care

In the past, I used to be sooooo hard on myself, especially the times when I said I was going to do something, and then forgot about it or just didn't do it. At the time, I didn't know why. But in the past 2 years learning about the Power of Intention and being more authentic and true to myself, I realized that if you want something to happen and it feels good in your body and whole being, it will happen or you will do it. It may not happen right away, and it depends on what it is. I would put such high expectations on myself, or tell myself things that really weren't true. For instance, if I didn't practice yoga an hour a day I wasn't good enough to be a yoga teacher. When I read that statement now, I say, "Come on!" Now, I look at the big picture. I look through a set of eyes with a wider vision. Also, we all forget to do things, even if we had the best intentions. It's okay! If someone gets upset with you about it, it's not you. It's their own frustrations and stories coming out. Be kind to yourself! Take a step back, ground your feet into the earth and breathe. Is the world really going to fall apart if you forgot/didn't do this or that?

No, really. I want you to ask that question to yourself when you find yourself getting reactive. I do ALL THE TIME.

A great way to not overwhelm yourself and your day is that when you make that "to-do list", after you have read it through, ask yourself, "is this do-able?" You may need to edit the list down a little, or just do the most important task that needs to be done, such as pay rent, bills, etc. On my daily lists, I always put down something for self-care. Something that will nurture my whole being: mind, body and spirit, so I feel grounded and energized to do the next thing or the things I love to do. This could be: take 5 minutes sitting quietly and breathe; write four things you're grateful for right now in your life; listen to or read something inspirational; do 5-10 minutes of stretches/yoga; listen to some music; or go for a walk. It can be anything. If you work 9-5, set aside certain times of the day, where you leave your desk and go to a quiet, private spot, even if it's your car! I always recommend this to my students and clients, especially those who have jammed, packed days or who tend to forget about their own needs throughout their day. The more we ignore what our bodies tell us, the more dis-ease can manifest.

As one of my yoga teachers, Joe Naudzunas said, "if you can find the time to brush your teeth, you can find the time to do some yoga poses." It sounds so simple. But you'll find that the more you take care of yourself, the more ease and flow will be your day, everyday.

Namaste.

why can't i just

Everyday this week I have kept wondering when I can practice or go to a yoga class.  For some reason it's just been hard.  I feel it started from when I was medical leave.  Since I had to take it easy, I completely let myself.  Then when I got medically cleared to exercise and resume activities, I took baby steps with lots of walks and gentle yoga. then I go back to work, life, school and then there's no time! How did I do it before? I was practicing quite well and consistently. So what happened? 

I also have been on a wheat/gluten cleanse this week, so preparing and cooking my meals is priority.  I find myself in situations where I'm gonna practice yoga and then I get interrupted.  By the time I'm done dealing with whatever interruption it was, it's close to dinnertime so I bag the exercise for the next day.  So why can't i just get up early and do it? Well, I know me.  I'm stiffer in the morning and I cherish the time I have in bed with my husband. Just laying there and taking my time to wake up is so nice and special.  If I didn't have to work 9-5, I could practice in the morning (that's the mind chatter ranting).  so why can't i just quit my day job? because you have bills to pay (that's so very true right now. got debt to leverage and minimize). 

it's this vicious cycle of "why can't I" and "because this and that" patterns. I know what I have to do and I'm clear about it.  Yes, I don't always want to do it, but I do.  It's a paradox and so contradictory I want to scream!

Revamping the biz

I've been getting all sorts of ideas for my biz.  I'm definitely feeling the vibes of this year--renew, refresh, refine! I feel a new awareness has awakened  me.  There is a sense of strength and purpose, which is something I haven't really felt or even acknowledged.  I guess I spent most of my life seeking acknowledgment and approval from others when really I could have been celebrating things every moment! AH YES! That's it! Do THAT more often!

For the past week, I have been creating my monthly newsletter for March and I came up with a new way to market my private yoga sessions.  I thought of different names and even looked online to see if something like that was out there.  Tons of stuff came up! But I chose to not let that stop me, which in the past, it did.  Since I integrate so many things within my practice, I came up with Integrative Yoga Session and Integrative Healing Session.  All these types of things came up on google, but I didn't see any type of trademark symbol, so that gave me more hope! But then again, most health practitioners are integrating all the time. So I want to revamp, recreate, reestablish my biz! (yes I love these same letter words of inspiration) Now that I can add massage to the picture, it's really going to allow me to attract clients and opportunities for success. 

It feels good to go with what amps me right now.  In order to let go of all the negative self-talk (mind chatter), I need to listen and feel to the joy of what I do.  I want to think of these ideas and feel it throughout my body and spirit.  I already feel the energy flowing just writing about it.  Regardless where I am, at work, on the mat, on the bus, in the car, I need to take these opportunities to tune into these vibrations.  We all do!

Listening to our Body: Integrating body, mind and spirit

It's like the yin and yang; love and hate; knowing and not knowing; wanting and not wanting; forward and backwards. We are either in one or the other, or somewhere in between. For the past year, I have been working towards the positive, joyful side of things, even when they are not so good. Through this inner work, I have learned to not be so hard on myself when things happen. I have also realized that there are no accidents. Things happen for a reason. They happen in order to wake us up, to see an aspect of ourselves right in front of us. There may be certain people that show up in our lives that bring us joy or drive us crazy! It is when we ask the question, "Why?" in these situations. Why did this happen to me? Why can't this person just go away? Why did this person go away? There's nothing wrong asking why, but sometimes we get stuck there, we blame ourselves and others, put ourselves down, believe we don't deserve anything better or never will. We all have these thoughts, but do we really check into our bodies and feel? Do these thoughts really feel good? Are they serving you in order to move forward in life? Do you want to move forward? I could go on and on with this inquiry, but I am choosing not to because we all know what we want. Once we listen to our bodies and minds, it's when our spirit, our true selves begin to shine through.

Being in the thick of it
It was this past weekend when I had an awakening. An Ah-Ha moment. A realization. Whatever you want to call it. For the past few months, my menstrual periods were very heavy and lasted longer than 10, sometimes, up to 14 days. I decided to do something about it, so I went to see my doctor. I got blood work done and she decided to schedule me for an ultrasound to do an overall check up. My blood work showed that I was anemic and then the ultrasound showed a thickening in the lining of my uterus which part of it turned out to be a polyp, along with that, a cyst on my right ovary. So my doctor told me I needed a D & C (click here for more info), removal of the cyst and an IUD to keep the lining of my uterus thin. This was a mouth full. This was a lot! When I left the office, I cried. I felt like I did something wrong. The next day it was "I did this to myself". "I am unhealthy". "Why did this happen to me?!"

Then it was in my therapy session that I began to feel what my body was feeling. Having a therapist trained in somatic and other mind/body studies was very beneficial for me at that moment. She asked me to check in with that area (2nd chakra), where our reproductive organs live. A surge of resistance came over me. It was as if my consciousness wanted to completely cut itself off from that area. In the past, I had some trauma around this area and a lot of it is still stored there. Even though, I have done a lot of healing around it, it still can surface. The body memory will always be there. As I resisted, it persisted. I began to allow some of it out and my body began saying, "ugly, gross, and unhealthy". Of course, in my mind, I knew this wasn't true. For years, I was always up in my head about things that happened to me and here was my body telling me things! I was grateful to acknowledge this because it was obviously a part of me that was getting triggered, but a part of me that I had chose to bury away.

Awakening
When the weekend came, I was feeling great because I had the Yoga Journal Conference to look forward to. My intention for the weekend was to be inspired and find connection in myself and others. The three workshops I attended were so interrelated; I didn't even realize it until after I took them. The first was about tuning into your energy centers (chakras) with asana (poses) and mantras. As I made the sounds for each one in the corresponding asana, I began to feel shifts and energy move. It was a very healing sequence of asana because the teacher had us focus on something that related to ourselves and that chakra, whether it was a person or a life experience. Then we would make the sound, breath and let whatever or whoever it was go. Then the second workshop was Yin Yoga, a style of yoga where you hold a pose (all floor poses) for 3-5 minutes, in order stretch the connective tissues, stimulate meridians and have a more quiet, inward practice. We did a lot of hip openers, allowing me to surrender and let go into the pose. When savasana came, the teacher had another teacher sing a beautiful Tibetan chant. The emotions that began to surface felt like a wave inside my abdomen, and then I was crying. I felt safe knowing that this was the healing process, plus I was in a room full of yogis on their own path. After a two hour break, I went to my third and final workshop, which was called "Body Prayer: Entering the Temple". The title says it all. Throughout the yoga practice, the teacher spoke about how we are all one, mind-body-spirit. That there is no separation. We are all similar beings striving for love, connection and community; that we need to let go of our judgments on others and ourselves in order to live our lives. I got choked up during the short lecture, and then while in pigeon pose, I began to ride that wave from the previous workshop. Another juicy hip opener, but then again, the whole practice was hip openers. This area that I disconnected myself from began to shine and speak to me. I suddenly felt whole. I felt light. I felt like I could do anything. Say anything. Love myself. Love this area that I ignored for so long.

Moving forward
I want to clarify that this process can take time. I have been learning to listen to my body for years. Yoga is what really began this journey. My dance and movement training became the catalyst, the self-expression of all the inner conflicts and emotions. My holistic health training provided many tools on feeling my emotions, listening to my needs, the body's sensations and the mind. Then, finally massage training, being a total body experience, also supports the integration of the mind, body and spirit. As I move forward, I realize by going through my various trainings, it was about connecting with me as a whole person. Learning to see the beauty and the positive in others and day-to-day experiences, whether you're at work, school, walking down the street. When I started my holistic health program back in March 2008, we had to create our life's purpose. My life purpose was, "I am love and acceptance". This still rings true for me because through this whole experience, I have begun to see that loving what is moves us through the dark and the fear a little more easily. Acceptance goes along with love. We love our family, friends and partners no matter what choices they made in their life. But remember that, it is all a process and it may take our whole lives to get there. I know I have a long way to go. But if we begin to, at least exercise our consciousness by playing with these concepts, little by little we begin to make baby steps towards what we want and let our spirits shine.

Body tells mind, mind tells body

It's like the yin and yang, back and forth, infinity. In regards to my previous post, a lot came up for me around my 2nd chakra. It's where the reproductive organs are, sexual energy live and breathe. It's an area that I've had trauma and for a long period of time never felt good about. I know in the past, I stored ex-boyfriends there, which resulted in a lot of negative energy and self-hatred in this area. While sitting in my therapy session last week, my therapist had me check in with myself around this area. My therapist does a lot of somatic work which has been so beneficial for me in my journey. When she asked me to do this, it was like my mind said no and my body said yes. I began to speak and feel more from my body then with my head. I realized how much I wanted to completely shut myself off from my 2nd chakra, my hips, my womb, my feminine. All my body could feel was ugly, gross, dirty, unhealthy. However, I knew in my mind that this wasn't true, but my body felt it. I, then realized, this was my body talking. Talking of old feelings and beliefs that I once told myself and this area. My higher conscious wanted to disconnect, but there was a struggle to hold on. To wait. To want. To love.

Being able to love this area is very difficult for me and for a lot of people. Do we really take the time to acknowledge ourselves and say I love you? For me, there hasn't been much love in this area. In the past year, it's certainly grown more, but since the a new project has occurred in this area, these past beliefs have been triggered. They still live in there, even though I firmly believe they're not true. It's interesting what can come up and out.

Over the weekend, I had some emotional release from this area. During the Yoga Journal conference, I cried in all 3 sessions I took. One of the workshop sessions was about chakra purification (how appropriate!), the second was integrating yin yoga and the third was about prayer and empowerment. All the yoga we did was hip openers. It was as if the universe guided me to register for these workshops. And/or my body guided me toward these themes because it's what it needed. It sure did. I've begun to realize there's no such thing as accidents. Things happen for a reason whether we like it or not. People come into our lives for a reason whether we love them or not. What's the universe trying to tell us when these things happen? What innate force is pulling us towards them or them towards us? We are beings of creation and we strive for love in everything and everyone. It's time to wake up. I believe it's a year of awakening.

knowing, feeling, waiting, preparing

It's one thing when you don't know, and then when you do know, the feelings erupt. I recently found out that I have anemia, a thickening in the lining of my uterus and cyst on my right ovary. As the doctor said, it's nothing serious and quite common among women, I couldn't help but feel the feelings. She explained very gently and thoroughly what I would need done: iron supplements with extra fiber; a D & C (Dilation (or dilatation) and curettage); removal of the cyst and an IUD to keep the lining thin. As I began to digest the information as to why this procedure needs to be done, I had a clear understanding in a logic sense.

However, once I left the feelings set in: fear, anger, sadness, worry, etc. I also began thinking, "Why me?" "What did I do wrong?" "I thought I took care of myself?" "I did this to my self" and so on and so on.....

Of course the feelings continued as I began the waiting period. Waiting for the office to call me to schedule this thing. Of course, I talked to all the women in my life and the majority have had a D & C and, although, they told me I had nothing to worry about, I couldn't help but feel scared of the unknown. It's like, Yes, thank you, but I'VE NEVER HAD ONE BEFORE! I also have never had a real surgery before, except for my wisdom teeth, in which I was awake for that. Being "put under" doesn't sit well with me. Not knowing what people are doing to you, even though it was explained, is still scary. Especially in that area! I've done a lot of healing in this area (2nd chakra) and it continues. I had this experience last week where I wanted to disconnect myself from it. My body began to talk to me, but it was a lot of old, past stuff. I knew in my mind the things weren't true, but it was what my body was feeling. Making that body connection is so vital. The body never lies! It's the mind that can make up all sorts of stuff, which I'll go into more detail in another post.

Now that I'm in preparation, it's all scheduled, I'm a little relaxed but still feeling and have to wait! It's next Wednesday and there's still things to do before then, like get my job stuff squared away, school notified, bloodwork, life, etc.

Through all of this, I'm very grateful that it's not something serious. As I would hear the mind chatter, there is always the voice that comes in and says, "It could be worse" and "Everything is going to be okay". I know deep down it is, but it's sooo easy to go to the dark place. The easy route because it's the most familiar. I'm also grateful for the support I have from my husband, friends, coworkers and family. I'm very lucky. I find myself back to the light always....

Be Kind, Don't Rewind

I'm very inspired by this article. It's rekindled my interest in yogic philosophy. From all the work I've done on myself over the years, I feel I can finally understand and resonate completely with this body of knowledge. We all have these mental and emotional patterns called samskaras (yogic text) which is another way of saying that negative self-talk or mind chatter. It's those same things that you tell yourself over and over again--self-judgements, judgements of others, low self-esteem, etc. But we're not always aware of what it REALLY does to our whole being. How it stops us from really doing what we want. The way the fear can take over our whole body. For instance, in yoga postures, going upside down into an inversion such as handstand or shoulderstand. Just the thought of it can stir up a lot of fear and self-judgement like, "I can't do that!" "I'm this....I'm that" and so on. These places can be very uncomfortable, so it's easier to just be in the more familiar, comfortable place such as, "I just won't do that" or "maybe I'll try that later" place.

In my experience, when I started taking yoga classes regularly, I avoided going up into handstand against the wall in class. I would see all the other students of all ages and sizes go up all the way; half way or at least attempt to kick up their leg. I would just sit there with a pit in my stomach and my mind chatter telling me, "You're not strong enough", "You're gonna fall over and embarrass yourself", "you're not graceful enough", "you can't do it", "it's just too hard" and so on and so on. I believed it! However, I always showed up to class and practiced on my own with another voice telling me, "I want to do it", "it looks like fun", "I know I can if I just try". Of course, what I know now, I didn't know then, happened. My teacher started teaching us variations of handstand such as walking our feet up the wall, just so we could experience being upside down but have the support and safety of the wall. This is what woke up my body and the self-confidence that was lingering somewhere inside me. Before I knew it, I kicked one leg up the wall and came down with so much adrenaline and energy I was shaking all over. After that obstacle, I couldn't stop! I started kicking up and staying for at least 10 seconds and finally working my way up to a minute!

So what I've learned from this experience and others where fear and doubt stop me in my tracks, is that we all feel these feelings and it's okay to feel them. Just feel them. Acknowledge them. Be with them. Then, set an intention for what you want to create out of the situation, whether it be ease, fun, peace, connection to your body and breath. These samskaras can hold us back from moving forward in our lives. They can keep us from feeling joy everyday in what we do. But we can learn from them, once we bring awareness, compassion and acceptance into ourselves the possibilities become endless.

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(From yogajournal.com daily insight)
According to yogic philosophy, we're born with a karmic inheritance of mental and emotional patterns—known as samskaras—through which we cycle over and over again during our lives.

The word samskara comes from the Sanskrit sam ("complete," or "joined together") and kara ("action," "cause," or "doing"). In addition to being generalized patterns, samskaras are individual impressions, ideas, or actions; taken together, our samskaras make up our conditioning. Repeating samskaras reinforces them, creating a groove that is difficult to resist. Samskaras can be positive—imagine the selfless acts of Mother Theresa. They can also be negative, as in the self-lacerating mental patterns that underlie low self-esteem and self-destructive relationships. The negative samskaras are what hinder our positive evolution.

But with mindfulness, right intention, and a lot of patience, you can turn your negative patterns into positives. The first step is to become aware of when you're falling into your habits.

IN THIS ISSUE
Stuck in a Rut?

http://www.yogajournal.com/lifestyle/1318

Get Creative

This is something I want to try. I always observe what goes on when I lie still in savasana: sounds, sensations in the body, chatter of the mind. I think this is something we can all try and practice.

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We can approach the making of our postures as a creative act, bringing them to life with our breath and our intent, just as a musician brings music to life. A musician sits in a silence that holds only the intent to play before she brings the music up out of that silence with her muscles and breath. The sounds of the music unfold through time until at some point the musician lets the silence return. Only now the silence is different, deeper. It holds more.

We start our poses from a place of stillness. Our postures unfold through time as movements of flesh, bone, and awareness as we move through many different patterns of being, experiencing different aspects of who we can be, like the different sounds of some internal orchestra. And as in life and music, there is an end to the process of a posture practice. Traditionally it is the pose of stillness and silence: Corpse Pose.

In Savasana, we allow the sounds of our postures to fade away. We temporarily give up our power to create and set our instrument upon the ground. In the end all that remains is a great flying stillness. An abiding glory nestled inside the sweet sound of our breathing.

IN THIS ISSUE
Sound and Silence

http://www.yogajournal.com/practice/501

All You Need is Yoga

For me, not necessarily. I know for myself I love a dance class or combo aerobic/dance class to get the blood and oxygen flowing. I guess the "yang" side (active side) of me needs it. Also, to each his own. I feel everyone needs something different but including yoga in your routine is a wonderful thing. What I love about it is you can attend to your own body's needs. For instance, if you're feeling fatigued or run-down, do some restorative, relaxation yoga. If you have a lot of energy or stress, do a few rounds of sun salutations and/or standing poses to ground and center yourself. There is also meditation. Being able to sit with yourself for a few minutes or longer helps slow down the breath, blood pressure and nervous system. There's opportunity to tune into your emotions as well. The benefits of yoga are immense!

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(From yogajournal.com daily insight)


Yoga might be good for flexibility or relaxation, but to be truly fit, do you have to combine it with an activity like running or weight lifting?

Yoga may improve strength, aerobic capacity, and lung function. If you practice yoga, you already knew that. But if you've been told by friends, family, doctors, or even other yoga students that you need to add some power walking for your heart or strength training for your muscles, there's growing evidence that yoga is all you need for a fit mind and body.

Yoga tunes you into your body and helps you to better coordinate your actions. When you bring your breath, your awareness, and your physical body into harmony, you allow your body to work at its maximum fitness capacity. Yoga class is merely a laboratory for how to be in harmony with the body in every activity outside of yoga. The improved physical wellness and fluidity that yoga brings can enhance more than just our physical well-being, as it permeates all levels of our being.

IN THIS ISSUE
Is Yoga Enough to Keep You Fit?

http://www.yogajournal.com/practice/739
Yoga for Runners

http://www.yogajournal.com/lifestyle/192

Nothing to Envy

Something that I catch myself doing these days. I've always had that mind chatter, "You're not good enough" or "You don't deserve it". It's bullshit! I remember in the past envying what others in my life would have and it would get me down for good couple of hours (or days!). It's amazing what awarenesses come into view about yourself you thought didn't exist. Instead, I try to be grateful for what I have and be joyful for those who have what they have. The more I do this, the more I feel joy in my life.
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(From yogajournal.com daily insight)

Because we want to keep it hidden, envy can be particularly difficult to deal with. How many of us are willing to cop to the heart-twisting feeling that pops up when a friend calls to tell you she's just received a fellowship, or the sense of injustice that clouds your first glimpse of your wealthy friend's fabulous new apartment?

Envy so often looks like something else—resentment, perhaps, or a sense of dissatisfaction with your own life, your own income, your own family. For many people, envy simply merges with an overall feeling of not being quite good enough. Because envy is rooted in the feeling of lack or deficiency, the assumption that there's not enough to go around, its best antidotes will be practices that activate your own feelings of natural abundance.

Forget about the person you envy. Forget about what she has that you wish were yours. Look instead at the energy that feeling is made of, and you'll notice that nothing in the feeling has any real solidity. Perhaps, at that moment, you might open to the insight that the energy forming and dissolving within your mind and heart is not really separate from the energy around you. Perhaps, at that moment, you might realize that the person you envy is not really someone separate from you; that you lack nothing because you are, at your deepest core, part of a vast field of energy that contains potentially everything you could ever want or need.

IN THIS ISSUE
Nothing to Envy

http://www.yogajournal.com/wisdom/2545
The Wellspring of Joy

http://www.yogajournal.com/wisdom/1157
Think Pieces

http://www.yogajournal.com/practice/1106

My schedule speaks to me

In recent times, I've always jammed my schedule with as much as possible. Why? For many reasons, for which I don't want to go into and have mentioned in other blog entries. Well now it's like my body and mind are speaking to me every time I considering adding this or that, and they say, "Liz, what are you doing? You have massage school and it's a lot of time and commitment. What is your commitment?". These are the questions that came to me as I drove home last night from my yoga client's house after a session. It dawned on me that after giving up my Monday nite yoga class for more "time" in my life, I had to move my private yoga sessions to Monday because massage classes were starting on Tuesdays again! Aaaaahhhh!

So instead of the usual pondering I did in the past, "Oh but I feel bad if I quit", "I'm letting myself and others down". Blah, blah, BLAH! I automatically made the decision that I'm dropping my other group yoga class on Wednesdays (which in ways I don't know why I picked up, but do know at the same time). I feel I'm in this really Zen place these days. Very present and clear about what I want. Before I know it, it comes to me! I don't judge myself or beat myself up about it. That's the way it is and that's cool! I already took the class out of my calendar and I haven't even told them yet, which says a lot about letting go (that's HUGE for me). So I want to acknowledge myself for taking control of my life and choices to better serve my health and well-being. It's so vital to me at this point in my life as I enter my thirties. I want my thirties to be vibrant, shiny, energized and full of joy and community. It feels great and I'm going with that.

Change Your Inner Monologue

This article is definitely a follow up to my post "Out of body, in my head". It's amazing how our minds can take over our lives, literally.

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(From yogajournal.com insight)

If you observe your mind, there is always noise. It begins the moment you open your eyes in the morning and carries on every single second until you close your eyes at night. Perhaps this chatter prevents you from drifting off to sleep. And when you do finally doze off, it may make that rest fitful. When you examine your mental chatter, you will quickly discern that this unending noise has patterns. One of the most powerful and prevalent is your Voice of Judgment. Over time, negative judgments start to accumulate. Eventually they form a huge barrier that sits squarely in front of you on the path to your ideal life.

During the day, try carrying around a journal—or a file, notebook, or sheet of paper. Categorize the types of mind chatter that assault or beguile. Do this for at least two weeks. Are there wild flights of fancy? Elaborate escapist dreams? If so, try to be specific about exactly what types of accomplishments you fantasize about.

The very act of observing it changes your mental chatter. Shoplifting drops dramatically when department stores install surveillance cameras and post signs that they have done so. Similarly, your mental chatter is less able to take you down destructive paths when you become consciously aware of it.



IN THIS ISSUE
Are You Ready To Succeed?
http://www.yogajournal.com/lifestyle/1951

Emotions in Motion

I loved this article because it hits home for me in so many ways. I have been going through my own healing process and I know yoga has helped me breakthrough a lot of barriers of resistance. Yes, it's scary when you face your inner demons, but the relief and space you feel afterward is so beautiful and profound.
I want to share this article because just in this first paragraph below, this has happened to me and I've seen it happen to others. It's amazing what our bodies do. We can get to know them more through yoga.

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(From yogajournal.com daily insights)
You reach up and back, your chest opening into a supported backbend. Then, suddenly, you're in tears. How did you move from serenity to intensity in just one moment?

"The holistic system of yoga was designed so that these emotional breakthroughs can occur safely," says Joan Shivarpita Harrigan, Ph.D., a psychologist and the director Knoxville, Tennessee's Patanjali Kundalini Yoga Care, Tennessee, which provides guidance to spiritual seekers. "Yoga is not merely an athletic system; it is a spiritual system. The asanas are designed to affect the subtle body for the purpose of spiritual transformation. People enter into the practice of yoga asana for physical fitness or physical health, or even because they've heard it's good for relaxation, but ultimately the purpose of yoga practice is spiritual development."

This development depends on breaking through places in the subtle body that are blocked with unresolved issues and energy. "Anytime you work with the body, you are also working with the mind and the energy system—which is the bridge between body and mind," Harrigan explains. And since that means working with emotions, emotional breakthroughs can be seen as markers of progress on the road to personal and spiritual growth.



IN THIS ISSUE
Emotions in Motion
http://www.yogajournal.com/practice/1215


Change is In the Air
http://www.yogajournal.com/wisdom/1769

Out of my body, in my head

I find it so interesting how the mind works. What really fascinates me is how it can take over EVERYTHING!

I went to the gym bright and early this a.m. and as I was heading home, all I could think about was making some yummy, protein-packed scrambled eggs. Mmmmmmm! I went into the kitchen and saw a sink full of dishes with the pan I needed (gross!). Then my mind began to chatter, "Why can't he wash the dishes he uses?". After washing the pan, I open the fridge to get my precious eggs out and low and behold, there aren't any! I literally spat out, "My eggs! where are my eggs!", "I can't believe he ate my eggs!". The "he" is my husband and notice how I'm using "my". Like we don't share food, right? Then I felt myself going into a tizzy and I got angry. Then sad.

I stopped, closed my eyes and took 3 long, gentle breaths into my belly. The anger was still there. So I sat down and took some breaths. A little better. The more I got into my body and noticed sensations, there was more ease. But why did I feel like crying?

I began to acknowledge my feelings and needs, as I learned from the Non-violent communication training I had received almost a year ago. So I said out loud, "I'm feeling angry and sad because I have a need for respect, consideration, nutrition and food". I said this 3 times and after the 3rd time I began to laugh and giggle. It was as if something released in me that I was holding onto. Something that just didn't serve me.

As I went on with my usual morning routine, emotions of happiness and sadness came and went. I didn't judge them. I just felt them. I allowed them to come in, like when a friend or neighbor comes over. For years, resistance was what kept me from expressing and acknowledging my feelings. I used to make judgments onto myself such as, "your bad a person if you show your anger" or "your weak if you show that you're crying". In other words, I'm a bad person if I show my feelings. what a catholic way of living!

Writing this out has created more ease in my body right now! I feel more present so I can enjoy my day no matter what. It's amazing how we can get so caught up in our heads, thoughts, evaluations and interpretations of what is happening. But what really is happening? In my situation, I got triggered and I felt angry and sad. Cool! So be it! Let it out!

I also realized how much compassion I had for my husband who was sleeping during all of this. He probably ate those eggs because he had a need for food and nutrition too. We bought those eggs together. They were his eggs as much as mine, but really they were just eggs.

If everyone on the planet practiced these tools of non-violent communication for themselves and with others, how much ease would people feel in their bodies? how many people would get along with their partners, family, friends, coworkers, bosses, enemies? Tons.