I find it so interesting how the mind works. What really fascinates me is how it can take over EVERYTHING!
I went to the gym bright and early this a.m. and as I was heading home, all I could think about was making some yummy, protein-packed scrambled eggs. Mmmmmmm! I went into the kitchen and saw a sink full of dishes with the pan I needed (gross!). Then my mind began to chatter, "Why can't he wash the dishes he uses?". After washing the pan, I open the fridge to get my precious eggs out and low and behold, there aren't any! I literally spat out, "My eggs! where are my eggs!", "I can't believe he ate my eggs!". The "he" is my husband and notice how I'm using "my". Like we don't share food, right? Then I felt myself going into a tizzy and I got angry. Then sad.
I stopped, closed my eyes and took 3 long, gentle breaths into my belly. The anger was still there. So I sat down and took some breaths. A little better. The more I got into my body and noticed sensations, there was more ease. But why did I feel like crying?
I began to acknowledge my feelings and needs, as I learned from the Non-violent communication training I had received almost a year ago. So I said out loud, "I'm feeling angry and sad because I have a need for respect, consideration, nutrition and food". I said this 3 times and after the 3rd time I began to laugh and giggle. It was as if something released in me that I was holding onto. Something that just didn't serve me.
As I went on with my usual morning routine, emotions of happiness and sadness came and went. I didn't judge them. I just felt them. I allowed them to come in, like when a friend or neighbor comes over. For years, resistance was what kept me from expressing and acknowledging my feelings. I used to make judgments onto myself such as, "your bad a person if you show your anger" or "your weak if you show that you're crying". In other words, I'm a bad person if I show my feelings. what a catholic way of living!
Writing this out has created more ease in my body right now! I feel more present so I can enjoy my day no matter what. It's amazing how we can get so caught up in our heads, thoughts, evaluations and interpretations of what is happening. But what really is happening? In my situation, I got triggered and I felt angry and sad. Cool! So be it! Let it out!
I also realized how much compassion I had for my husband who was sleeping during all of this. He probably ate those eggs because he had a need for food and nutrition too. We bought those eggs together. They were his eggs as much as mine, but really they were just eggs.
If everyone on the planet practiced these tools of non-violent communication for themselves and with others, how much ease would people feel in their bodies? how many people would get along with their partners, family, friends, coworkers, bosses, enemies? Tons.
