I AM Worthy!

A statement such as the title of this post was never in my language at a time. In the past, I believed that I didn't deserve anything better. I believed that I was selfish for wanting more or something else than what I already had. Now, the more I'm grateful for what I have, MORE shows up! I believe we all deserve what we want, and if we want more, so be it!

I was inspired to write this post from a blog I follow called The Daily Love. The author/owner talks about how if we believe we aren't worthy or deserving of better things for our life (in relationships, health, career, etc.) , it can prevent us from moving forward toward how we want to be and live. It's all about owning your power, but most importantly, REMEMBERING that we have our own power. The power to choose and love whoever and whatever you want to do with your life. The power to CHANGE anything in the moment.

I am experiencing growth in my healing business. I asked for it, and the best part is that I'm receiving it and enjoying it. I catch the chatter when it says, "you don't deserve it" or "I'm not strong enough, so I can't handle it". When I hear that in the background, I know it's those old patterns and ways of being. I know that it's not ME. It's old stories that I picked up or learned over the years. I know of many times when I tried something new because I wanted to do it, and did it. When there are stumbles along the way, I know, now, to keep going. How are we going to know , if we don't try? Who cares what others think! Isn't it about what you/I/we want?

These are the experiences that feed our mind, body and spirit. They shakes us up, to wake us up! Aaahh, now that's refreshing!

What do you do to shake up your life?

If any of this (even a little bit) resonates with you, I invite to read more of the post on The Daily Love here.

5 Biggest Misconceptions About Yoga | Top Five Tuesdays | Yoga Blog | Yoga Journal

5 Biggest Misconceptions About Yoga | Top Five Tuesdays | Yoga Blog | Yoga Journal

I had to share this blog I read on the Yoga Journal blog. I have students who believe the first one, and I think I was even in that category as well. The first misconception about yoga: Yoga is just for _____ people. In other words, it's that chatter you may have in your head such as, "I'm not flexible enough", "I'm not thin enough", "I'm not young enough"; well, thank you, Thank You, THANK YOU! There is a style and pace for everyone, especially these days. It's just a matter of researching and trying different classes and teachers. I know if you have an injury or other restriction in your body, you may be scared to even try because of the risk of hurting yourself. Yoga teaches us to be in our own bodies, not what "other" body's are doing. I know, from experience, it's hard NOT to compare yourself. I still catch myself doing it after 10 years! Notice when you do that, and redirect your attention to your body and breath. Do the pose to the best of your ability, and what feels safe, but challenging to your body.

Yoga is a mix of awareness, concentration and movement. So you're basically mediating as you move from pose to pose. This comes from #3: The purpose of yoga is physical fitness. Not necessarily. The poses are great for the physical body to strength and stretch muscles, but it's not like an aerobics class you may take at the gym. I teach yoga at a gym, and I know some of the students are there for just the physical, especially if they're new. I always incorporate a little mindfulness techniques and meditation, so they get a little of everything. As a yoga teacher, you really can't leave that out if you tried!

Those were the ones that really spoke to me, as I run into them a lot. If you're a student of any level or a teacher, or thinking about trying yoga, read the short blog, link is at the top.

Namaste

Taking a time-out

I know I've probably blogged about this in the past, but it's come up again, and it must be acknowledged.

I had gotten back into the habit of overloading my schedule. The alarm that went off was my low-energy, and being too-tired-to-do-the-fun-things-I-want-to-do! I have to thank my husband for pointing this out to. Thank you, Joe! I love you!

I really don't know why I fell back into the habit/pattern again. I began putting too high of expectations onto myself to get things done. I overestimated my time and energy because I was so happy with completing my massage program. Although, I have finished all my classroom hours and more than half of my clinic hours, it made me want to be Speedy Gonzalez about it! I'm not young nor old for that matter, but my pace in certain areas have changed and I need to honor that. I still work the 9-5 M-F job, and I need to decompress from that as well.

But I find it interesting that there was this part of me resisting to step back. This "old" part of me saying, "If you stop doing it, you're a failure"; "If you take a break, you'll lose the skills you learned"; "There's not enough time, so I should just quit." In the past, I used to think that was true, but now, it's total BULLSHIT! Thank you chatter for sharing all that! My conscious self distinguished it from what is really true, that there's plenty of time; I'm completing the program in a healthy way; and I am a great teacher and massage therapist! Of course, in the moment, it was confusing me when I was hearing this chatter because I really knew it wasn't true in my heart.

It's difficult to bring yourself out of the negative. I'm so grateful for the support I have around me because I really couldn't have done it without them. Sometimes you need that certain person to put it to another way, and BOOM! It all makes sense. I'm grateful for my yoga and meditation practice because it allowed to go inside myself, where the answers are. I feel a more sense of ease in my body; grounded; and compassion.

I create my path.

Yoga teaches awareness

I really appreciate this article because I've been SOOOOOOO aware of my emotions. I'm discovering new possibilities within myself, while listening to the chatter, and feeling the emotions that come up. Yep, that's a lot. But it's okay. I thank yoga for guiding me. I don't know what I would do without it.

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(From YogaJournal.com Daily Insight)

Awareness Techniques

Usually, the first way Westerners learn to build awareness in yoga is by practicing the poses. But the myriad instructions heard in class aren't just designed to improve your asanas. They give your busy mind something to focus on and therefore keep you in the present moment. For people with anxiety, this is a particular blessing.

Complex instructions also force you to tune in to the subtle shifts occurring in your body. As you become more aware of these changes, you'll begin to notice subtle alterations in your mind and in your mood, too. You'll feel in a tangible way how the body and mind are connected.

As you continue to hone moment-to-moment awareness of your body, breath, emotions, and thoughts in your yoga practice, you'll bring that awareness to your daily life. When you're paying attention, you're more in touch with your thoughts and feelings as they arise in the moment, which is half the battle of resolving them. In other words, when you're able to identify that something is wrong, you can address that particular issue in the moment, rather than ignoring it and unleashing it later in some painful way.

Read the full articles:

* Feel Happier (http://www.yogajournal.com/lifestyle/2562)
* Asanas for Anxiety http://www.yogajournal.com/health/2085

what a week

i don't know how else to say it.  emotions, decisions, choices, trusting, not-trusting, being, doing, believing it will be okay.  i've had to work with trust this week.  i'm going back to the east coast to see my nana, which was a hard decision to make.  a lot of mental chatter about going back this weekend, as oppose to next weekend was pretty loud and obnoxious.  but i had to listen to it. i had to listen to it as an observer because it's so easy to get caught up in it!  i had to hear it like a radio. a dj just blabbing about whatever, because, ya know, it is whatever.  thanks for sharing all of that with me, but, really, what's really happening! 

i'm want celebration and appreciation!  i'm celebrating my first massage client! i'm celebrating family, friends, technology for communication, colleagues who pull through, emotions and ME! let's celebrate who we are, just as we are, whenever, wherever, however. 

it's all perfect. 

why can't i just

Everyday this week I have kept wondering when I can practice or go to a yoga class.  For some reason it's just been hard.  I feel it started from when I was medical leave.  Since I had to take it easy, I completely let myself.  Then when I got medically cleared to exercise and resume activities, I took baby steps with lots of walks and gentle yoga. then I go back to work, life, school and then there's no time! How did I do it before? I was practicing quite well and consistently. So what happened? 

I also have been on a wheat/gluten cleanse this week, so preparing and cooking my meals is priority.  I find myself in situations where I'm gonna practice yoga and then I get interrupted.  By the time I'm done dealing with whatever interruption it was, it's close to dinnertime so I bag the exercise for the next day.  So why can't i just get up early and do it? Well, I know me.  I'm stiffer in the morning and I cherish the time I have in bed with my husband. Just laying there and taking my time to wake up is so nice and special.  If I didn't have to work 9-5, I could practice in the morning (that's the mind chatter ranting).  so why can't i just quit my day job? because you have bills to pay (that's so very true right now. got debt to leverage and minimize). 

it's this vicious cycle of "why can't I" and "because this and that" patterns. I know what I have to do and I'm clear about it.  Yes, I don't always want to do it, but I do.  It's a paradox and so contradictory I want to scream!

Revamping the biz

I've been getting all sorts of ideas for my biz.  I'm definitely feeling the vibes of this year--renew, refresh, refine! I feel a new awareness has awakened  me.  There is a sense of strength and purpose, which is something I haven't really felt or even acknowledged.  I guess I spent most of my life seeking acknowledgment and approval from others when really I could have been celebrating things every moment! AH YES! That's it! Do THAT more often!

For the past week, I have been creating my monthly newsletter for March and I came up with a new way to market my private yoga sessions.  I thought of different names and even looked online to see if something like that was out there.  Tons of stuff came up! But I chose to not let that stop me, which in the past, it did.  Since I integrate so many things within my practice, I came up with Integrative Yoga Session and Integrative Healing Session.  All these types of things came up on google, but I didn't see any type of trademark symbol, so that gave me more hope! But then again, most health practitioners are integrating all the time. So I want to revamp, recreate, reestablish my biz! (yes I love these same letter words of inspiration) Now that I can add massage to the picture, it's really going to allow me to attract clients and opportunities for success. 

It feels good to go with what amps me right now.  In order to let go of all the negative self-talk (mind chatter), I need to listen and feel to the joy of what I do.  I want to think of these ideas and feel it throughout my body and spirit.  I already feel the energy flowing just writing about it.  Regardless where I am, at work, on the mat, on the bus, in the car, I need to take these opportunities to tune into these vibrations.  We all do!

knowing, feeling, waiting, preparing

It's one thing when you don't know, and then when you do know, the feelings erupt. I recently found out that I have anemia, a thickening in the lining of my uterus and cyst on my right ovary. As the doctor said, it's nothing serious and quite common among women, I couldn't help but feel the feelings. She explained very gently and thoroughly what I would need done: iron supplements with extra fiber; a D & C (Dilation (or dilatation) and curettage); removal of the cyst and an IUD to keep the lining thin. As I began to digest the information as to why this procedure needs to be done, I had a clear understanding in a logic sense.

However, once I left the feelings set in: fear, anger, sadness, worry, etc. I also began thinking, "Why me?" "What did I do wrong?" "I thought I took care of myself?" "I did this to my self" and so on and so on.....

Of course the feelings continued as I began the waiting period. Waiting for the office to call me to schedule this thing. Of course, I talked to all the women in my life and the majority have had a D & C and, although, they told me I had nothing to worry about, I couldn't help but feel scared of the unknown. It's like, Yes, thank you, but I'VE NEVER HAD ONE BEFORE! I also have never had a real surgery before, except for my wisdom teeth, in which I was awake for that. Being "put under" doesn't sit well with me. Not knowing what people are doing to you, even though it was explained, is still scary. Especially in that area! I've done a lot of healing in this area (2nd chakra) and it continues. I had this experience last week where I wanted to disconnect myself from it. My body began to talk to me, but it was a lot of old, past stuff. I knew in my mind the things weren't true, but it was what my body was feeling. Making that body connection is so vital. The body never lies! It's the mind that can make up all sorts of stuff, which I'll go into more detail in another post.

Now that I'm in preparation, it's all scheduled, I'm a little relaxed but still feeling and have to wait! It's next Wednesday and there's still things to do before then, like get my job stuff squared away, school notified, bloodwork, life, etc.

Through all of this, I'm very grateful that it's not something serious. As I would hear the mind chatter, there is always the voice that comes in and says, "It could be worse" and "Everything is going to be okay". I know deep down it is, but it's sooo easy to go to the dark place. The easy route because it's the most familiar. I'm also grateful for the support I have from my husband, friends, coworkers and family. I'm very lucky. I find myself back to the light always....

Be Kind, Don't Rewind

I'm very inspired by this article. It's rekindled my interest in yogic philosophy. From all the work I've done on myself over the years, I feel I can finally understand and resonate completely with this body of knowledge. We all have these mental and emotional patterns called samskaras (yogic text) which is another way of saying that negative self-talk or mind chatter. It's those same things that you tell yourself over and over again--self-judgements, judgements of others, low self-esteem, etc. But we're not always aware of what it REALLY does to our whole being. How it stops us from really doing what we want. The way the fear can take over our whole body. For instance, in yoga postures, going upside down into an inversion such as handstand or shoulderstand. Just the thought of it can stir up a lot of fear and self-judgement like, "I can't do that!" "I'm this....I'm that" and so on. These places can be very uncomfortable, so it's easier to just be in the more familiar, comfortable place such as, "I just won't do that" or "maybe I'll try that later" place.

In my experience, when I started taking yoga classes regularly, I avoided going up into handstand against the wall in class. I would see all the other students of all ages and sizes go up all the way; half way or at least attempt to kick up their leg. I would just sit there with a pit in my stomach and my mind chatter telling me, "You're not strong enough", "You're gonna fall over and embarrass yourself", "you're not graceful enough", "you can't do it", "it's just too hard" and so on and so on. I believed it! However, I always showed up to class and practiced on my own with another voice telling me, "I want to do it", "it looks like fun", "I know I can if I just try". Of course, what I know now, I didn't know then, happened. My teacher started teaching us variations of handstand such as walking our feet up the wall, just so we could experience being upside down but have the support and safety of the wall. This is what woke up my body and the self-confidence that was lingering somewhere inside me. Before I knew it, I kicked one leg up the wall and came down with so much adrenaline and energy I was shaking all over. After that obstacle, I couldn't stop! I started kicking up and staying for at least 10 seconds and finally working my way up to a minute!

So what I've learned from this experience and others where fear and doubt stop me in my tracks, is that we all feel these feelings and it's okay to feel them. Just feel them. Acknowledge them. Be with them. Then, set an intention for what you want to create out of the situation, whether it be ease, fun, peace, connection to your body and breath. These samskaras can hold us back from moving forward in our lives. They can keep us from feeling joy everyday in what we do. But we can learn from them, once we bring awareness, compassion and acceptance into ourselves the possibilities become endless.

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(From yogajournal.com daily insight)
According to yogic philosophy, we're born with a karmic inheritance of mental and emotional patterns—known as samskaras—through which we cycle over and over again during our lives.

The word samskara comes from the Sanskrit sam ("complete," or "joined together") and kara ("action," "cause," or "doing"). In addition to being generalized patterns, samskaras are individual impressions, ideas, or actions; taken together, our samskaras make up our conditioning. Repeating samskaras reinforces them, creating a groove that is difficult to resist. Samskaras can be positive—imagine the selfless acts of Mother Theresa. They can also be negative, as in the self-lacerating mental patterns that underlie low self-esteem and self-destructive relationships. The negative samskaras are what hinder our positive evolution.

But with mindfulness, right intention, and a lot of patience, you can turn your negative patterns into positives. The first step is to become aware of when you're falling into your habits.

IN THIS ISSUE
Stuck in a Rut?

http://www.yogajournal.com/lifestyle/1318

Get Creative

This is something I want to try. I always observe what goes on when I lie still in savasana: sounds, sensations in the body, chatter of the mind. I think this is something we can all try and practice.

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We can approach the making of our postures as a creative act, bringing them to life with our breath and our intent, just as a musician brings music to life. A musician sits in a silence that holds only the intent to play before she brings the music up out of that silence with her muscles and breath. The sounds of the music unfold through time until at some point the musician lets the silence return. Only now the silence is different, deeper. It holds more.

We start our poses from a place of stillness. Our postures unfold through time as movements of flesh, bone, and awareness as we move through many different patterns of being, experiencing different aspects of who we can be, like the different sounds of some internal orchestra. And as in life and music, there is an end to the process of a posture practice. Traditionally it is the pose of stillness and silence: Corpse Pose.

In Savasana, we allow the sounds of our postures to fade away. We temporarily give up our power to create and set our instrument upon the ground. In the end all that remains is a great flying stillness. An abiding glory nestled inside the sweet sound of our breathing.

IN THIS ISSUE
Sound and Silence

http://www.yogajournal.com/practice/501

Nothing to Envy

Something that I catch myself doing these days. I've always had that mind chatter, "You're not good enough" or "You don't deserve it". It's bullshit! I remember in the past envying what others in my life would have and it would get me down for good couple of hours (or days!). It's amazing what awarenesses come into view about yourself you thought didn't exist. Instead, I try to be grateful for what I have and be joyful for those who have what they have. The more I do this, the more I feel joy in my life.
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(From yogajournal.com daily insight)

Because we want to keep it hidden, envy can be particularly difficult to deal with. How many of us are willing to cop to the heart-twisting feeling that pops up when a friend calls to tell you she's just received a fellowship, or the sense of injustice that clouds your first glimpse of your wealthy friend's fabulous new apartment?

Envy so often looks like something else—resentment, perhaps, or a sense of dissatisfaction with your own life, your own income, your own family. For many people, envy simply merges with an overall feeling of not being quite good enough. Because envy is rooted in the feeling of lack or deficiency, the assumption that there's not enough to go around, its best antidotes will be practices that activate your own feelings of natural abundance.

Forget about the person you envy. Forget about what she has that you wish were yours. Look instead at the energy that feeling is made of, and you'll notice that nothing in the feeling has any real solidity. Perhaps, at that moment, you might open to the insight that the energy forming and dissolving within your mind and heart is not really separate from the energy around you. Perhaps, at that moment, you might realize that the person you envy is not really someone separate from you; that you lack nothing because you are, at your deepest core, part of a vast field of energy that contains potentially everything you could ever want or need.

IN THIS ISSUE
Nothing to Envy

http://www.yogajournal.com/wisdom/2545
The Wellspring of Joy

http://www.yogajournal.com/wisdom/1157
Think Pieces

http://www.yogajournal.com/practice/1106

Change Your Inner Monologue

This article is definitely a follow up to my post "Out of body, in my head". It's amazing how our minds can take over our lives, literally.

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(From yogajournal.com insight)

If you observe your mind, there is always noise. It begins the moment you open your eyes in the morning and carries on every single second until you close your eyes at night. Perhaps this chatter prevents you from drifting off to sleep. And when you do finally doze off, it may make that rest fitful. When you examine your mental chatter, you will quickly discern that this unending noise has patterns. One of the most powerful and prevalent is your Voice of Judgment. Over time, negative judgments start to accumulate. Eventually they form a huge barrier that sits squarely in front of you on the path to your ideal life.

During the day, try carrying around a journal—or a file, notebook, or sheet of paper. Categorize the types of mind chatter that assault or beguile. Do this for at least two weeks. Are there wild flights of fancy? Elaborate escapist dreams? If so, try to be specific about exactly what types of accomplishments you fantasize about.

The very act of observing it changes your mental chatter. Shoplifting drops dramatically when department stores install surveillance cameras and post signs that they have done so. Similarly, your mental chatter is less able to take you down destructive paths when you become consciously aware of it.



IN THIS ISSUE
Are You Ready To Succeed?
http://www.yogajournal.com/lifestyle/1951

Out of my body, in my head

I find it so interesting how the mind works. What really fascinates me is how it can take over EVERYTHING!

I went to the gym bright and early this a.m. and as I was heading home, all I could think about was making some yummy, protein-packed scrambled eggs. Mmmmmmm! I went into the kitchen and saw a sink full of dishes with the pan I needed (gross!). Then my mind began to chatter, "Why can't he wash the dishes he uses?". After washing the pan, I open the fridge to get my precious eggs out and low and behold, there aren't any! I literally spat out, "My eggs! where are my eggs!", "I can't believe he ate my eggs!". The "he" is my husband and notice how I'm using "my". Like we don't share food, right? Then I felt myself going into a tizzy and I got angry. Then sad.

I stopped, closed my eyes and took 3 long, gentle breaths into my belly. The anger was still there. So I sat down and took some breaths. A little better. The more I got into my body and noticed sensations, there was more ease. But why did I feel like crying?

I began to acknowledge my feelings and needs, as I learned from the Non-violent communication training I had received almost a year ago. So I said out loud, "I'm feeling angry and sad because I have a need for respect, consideration, nutrition and food". I said this 3 times and after the 3rd time I began to laugh and giggle. It was as if something released in me that I was holding onto. Something that just didn't serve me.

As I went on with my usual morning routine, emotions of happiness and sadness came and went. I didn't judge them. I just felt them. I allowed them to come in, like when a friend or neighbor comes over. For years, resistance was what kept me from expressing and acknowledging my feelings. I used to make judgments onto myself such as, "your bad a person if you show your anger" or "your weak if you show that you're crying". In other words, I'm a bad person if I show my feelings. what a catholic way of living!

Writing this out has created more ease in my body right now! I feel more present so I can enjoy my day no matter what. It's amazing how we can get so caught up in our heads, thoughts, evaluations and interpretations of what is happening. But what really is happening? In my situation, I got triggered and I felt angry and sad. Cool! So be it! Let it out!

I also realized how much compassion I had for my husband who was sleeping during all of this. He probably ate those eggs because he had a need for food and nutrition too. We bought those eggs together. They were his eggs as much as mine, but really they were just eggs.

If everyone on the planet practiced these tools of non-violent communication for themselves and with others, how much ease would people feel in their bodies? how many people would get along with their partners, family, friends, coworkers, bosses, enemies? Tons.