Why I do yoga

This was a question I posed for myself in the previous post. As I practice yoga on a (almost) daily basis, I ask myself in the beginning of the practice, "Why do I practice yoga?", and then see where it leads me. Sometimes I forget I even asked myself this question, and continue on with my practice and day. Last Tuesday, when I taught my Hatha Flow class, one of the students talked about when and why she started doing yoga, and then asked me the same question. I bless this student for reminding me! I talked about when I was 21 years old, getting ready to graduate college, I began making changes in my life. I began changing the relationships I had with friends, family, and partners. I started to meet new people who had more awareness of body, mind and spirit and introduced me to different practices such as yoga, butoh dance, and meditation. I also discovered Whole Foods, and started looking at food a little differently too. But it comes back to yoga. It comes to the question, was it a coincidence that I began taking yoga classes during this transition in my life? Or was there a reason?

With all the hours of studying and training I've received in the past ten years, "coincidence" has faded from my vocabulary. I believe there is a reason for everything that happens to us and around us. Yoga, being a holistic practice, supports me in those transitional, and sometimes, difficult times. Whether it's grief, loss, or depression, I find those times on the yoga mat very comforting. Even if I'm in resistance, I start doing some sun salutations and I'm immersed in the experience. It's a time when I can really be with thoughts and emotions--anger, sadness, frustration--and allow them to move through and out my body. It brings my attention to my breath, which supports the movement of energy. It's when we hold our breath a lot, or take quick, short breaths, that's how the tension continues to build up, so we are unable to move on.

I do yoga to relieve that tension. I'm sure most people do without realizing it. But in this last decade of practicing and teaching yoga, I really had to remind myself why I do this. There was a time when I loathed it, and it was a time when I wasn't present and in complete resistance. There was a lot of unacknowledged grief and self-doubt, which was so frightening to face. It was just easier to shut down. With a supportive community and with time, shutting down wasn't a way of being anymore. I was more open to being with the uncomfortable feelings more because I realized they would pass quicker if I just sat with them. I look forward to practicing yoga, and teaching! So how did this happen?

Compassion, love, understanding, and acceptance (to name a few). Yoga teaches us this. It brings us into our body, allows us to look at the mind, and connect with our soul. But we need to go through the dark periods, in order to get to the light. There's no joy, without sorrow. There's no happiness without sadness/anger. There's no yin without yang. It's all about balance, and this is what yoga offers us.

So, if you're a yoga practitioner or other practitioner of whatever passion/hobby/practice you do, why do you do it? What keeps bringing you back? Does it ignite your creative fire, and how do you contain it and then move it? How do you cultivate it in your daily life?

I invite you to take 5-15 minutes a day to answer these questions one at time. Don't feel you have to answer all of them at once. Or see what questions arise within yourself, but without judgment. A little self-reflection and inquiry can go a LONG way.

Namaste ~

Why are you back?

I was reading about my astrological sign yesterday, Gemini.  One of the traits was something about boredom because Mercury is one of its ruling planets. I don't know much about astrology, but it made sense in some weird, cosmic way. 

Yesterday, sitting at my desk, I was struggling.  Not at a "work" task. Just, in general, struggling.  I was uneasy, restless, bored, frustrated and angry.  Thank God I work with a wonderful individual, who was able to help ease that tension.  After clearing some chatter and identifying my needs under those feelings, the tension level went from a 10 to a 3-4.  I'm happy that I have the tools to support myself when needed.  But those feelings lingered on into the afternoon. It may not have been as intense, but it was still hanging around.  I found relief talking with my therapist.  I realized I haven't really dealt with my money stories yet.  My relationship with money. There's been this ongoing theme around money that tends to visit me every 3 months or so.  It's usually VERY unexpected, and hits me HARD with all sorts of emotions.  So my therapy session yesterday helped me realize that I need to fess up to this ongoing theme. It's like a virus that you think you wiped out, but really it just gestates and hangs out in your body somewhere, until "that something" triggers it, and BOOM! It's back.  Or it's like that on-again-off-again boyfriend/girlfriend, who you keep going back to and you don't know why. They just keep showing up in some way.  It's at this point where you say to yourself, "What is going on and why are you back?"

Frankly, I'm done with my theme! It's a bad relationship that has to end.  I'm ready to move with the fear to move past it.  I'm going to see what my unconscious has to tell me.  Our unconscious is always telling us something in our dreams. Maybe it's time to pay attention.  So why are you back?

....stay tuned.

why can't i just

Everyday this week I have kept wondering when I can practice or go to a yoga class.  For some reason it's just been hard.  I feel it started from when I was medical leave.  Since I had to take it easy, I completely let myself.  Then when I got medically cleared to exercise and resume activities, I took baby steps with lots of walks and gentle yoga. then I go back to work, life, school and then there's no time! How did I do it before? I was practicing quite well and consistently. So what happened? 

I also have been on a wheat/gluten cleanse this week, so preparing and cooking my meals is priority.  I find myself in situations where I'm gonna practice yoga and then I get interrupted.  By the time I'm done dealing with whatever interruption it was, it's close to dinnertime so I bag the exercise for the next day.  So why can't i just get up early and do it? Well, I know me.  I'm stiffer in the morning and I cherish the time I have in bed with my husband. Just laying there and taking my time to wake up is so nice and special.  If I didn't have to work 9-5, I could practice in the morning (that's the mind chatter ranting).  so why can't i just quit my day job? because you have bills to pay (that's so very true right now. got debt to leverage and minimize). 

it's this vicious cycle of "why can't I" and "because this and that" patterns. I know what I have to do and I'm clear about it.  Yes, I don't always want to do it, but I do.  It's a paradox and so contradictory I want to scream!