"Growth demands a temporary surrender of security."- Gail Sheehy
This quote revealed something to me today. Although, I already knew what it was, it really brought it in the present moment for me.
It reminds me of when, in the past, I chose to stay in the familiar, safe place, so I didn’t have to feel uncomfortable. Then I would wonder why I was anxious all the time. Of course, there were a lot of reasons and stories involved. The main reason was I had a need for growth and expansion. I didn’t realize I had a lot of to offer to others. I also didn’t realize how hard I was on myself. That if I tried that and it didn’t work out, I was a failure. That it was the end-all, be-all of my existence if I did that or even tried it.
For instance, playing board games. You would think, board games are pretty fun. You enjoy some and don’t enjoy some. So, what’s the big deal about playing a board game, Liz? Well, it was a big deal to me a few years ago. I hated losing. I had this story that if I lost a game, I wasn’t good enough or stupid. I remember as a little kid, playing lots of games and enjoyed it a lot. But I know in all the personal growth and healing I have done, it took only one event that would turn me away from playing games forever.
I have a big family, and one side are VERY competitive when it comes to games. After holiday meals or other celebration meals, we would play some type of board game. About 15-20 minutes into it, everyone is yelling at each other or putting each other down for something. I know now a lot of it was their own stuff, especially when you have brothers, sisters, grandchildren and parents involved in the game. The moments for me were when if you made a mistake with your move or answered the wrong trivia question, you got put down. Now, there is a fun, light way of doing this, but certain family members didn’t always do it that way. It happened frequently, and I began to take it all personally. I’m a sensitive person, and as a young person, I didn’t have the tools to guard myself or be compassionate toward myself, and that it really is just a game.
So I ended up creating the story that board games and games in general were JUST NOT FUN.
However, deep down, I knew this wasn’t true. In fact, when I chose to opt out of a game and just watch, I could feel my inner child screaming, “I wanna play! It’s fun!”. But it was the other part of me that protected and guarded myself from the losing part, when losing is really all about learning!
Ding! I won there! How can you learn anything new without trying? I tried yoga. Love it. Went through teacher training, and now teach it. Yes, I went through lots of trial and error work, because that was the only way I was going to find out if something worked or not. I used to beat myself up, if one student out of the whole group came once and never came back. But, in the grand scheme of it all, look at how many DO show up.
Gosh! It’s amazing what the ego can say to us. Not that it’s always bad. All of the strategies we performed in order to survive through something or with someone, worked! At least at one point. But, if it’s a coping strategy or story that isn’t serving us anymore NOW, then why hold onto it?
When something doesn’t work for us anymore, don’t we seek solutions toward changing it?
What is it doing for us now? Do we still get the same results? Is it allowing us to move toward what we really want and desire? Is it helping us succeed in our relationships, jobs, businesses, and families?
So, if you begin to move out of your comfort zone, notice what comes up. If it’s something you truly, deeply want, then do it. Lean into the expansion, instead of pushing against it.
Showing posts with label stories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stories. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Thursday, October 20, 2011
How do you make yourself small?
This was the first question I read from my favorite blogs and websites, The Daily Love or TDL. Wow, what a way to stir the pot! Mastin Kipp, founder/author of TDL, talks about how we make excuses for why we can’t get what we want in life. Even when we allow ourselves those moments to dream about that dream job, house, car, vacation, relationship, business, etc., we make excuses as to why it can’t or never will happen. In the past, I always had an excuse for why I couldn’t do something.
While I was in Yoga Teacher Training, we had our Teaching Methods class, which was very challenging for me. I got so nervous standing in front of my teacher and classmates teaching a pose, that I started to shake, speak too low, sweat, and forget the main actions of the pose. I had a tough teacher, who would chime in A LOT to correct us, and I know now, all she wanted was for us to be the best teachers ever.
But I took it so personally, that I created the belief that I was a failure at everything and wasn’t good enough.
I also had a need to be understood, heard and loved, but my negative self-talk (aka Mind Chatter) would make me wrong for the way I was feeling (frustration, sadness) because I had another belief/story that it’s wrong to feel frustration, anger, or sadness.
Although I got teaching opportunities after my training, this belief (which affected everything in my life) still hung over me to the extent that I almost quit teaching. However, I know these beliefs started a long time ago, and through lots of personal growth work over the years, I realized these beliefs were not me and not true.
What we say and think about ourselves matters. I learned this through Marshall Rosenberg’s amazing process of Nonviolent Communication, which teaches us to openly and honestly express our feelings and needs without judgment.
He says “Every criticism, judgment, diagnosis, and expression of anger is the tragic expression of an unmet need.”
In other words, we tend to make ourselves or others wrong for feeling angry, frustrated, or sad, when really it all stems from a need not being met and that we may not aware of.
So what beliefs do you have? What statements/excuses do you tell yourself why something is? The ones I have heard myself say and others say are: I’m too old; it’s just too hard; I’m not good enough; I don’t deserve it; they won’t like/believe me.
These are the beliefs that hold us back from getting what we want and are needs met. But what we forget is that the Universe provides everything; and when we ask for those desires through affirmation or prayer, we need to feel that light and joy of possibility when we put it out there. That we are worthy and deserving. That we are not our thoughts, stories or beliefs. We are love, light and apart of this world.
So I invite you to track these thoughts or beliefs that you tell yourself. Write them down throughout the day, and then see what feeling or emotion is attached to it.
For example, my past story was, “I’m not good enough. I feel sad and depressed because I have a need for acceptance, to be heard and understood.”
So be aware of the challenges in your life, but don’t let them stop you. We all have challenges, but we also have choices.
While I was in Yoga Teacher Training, we had our Teaching Methods class, which was very challenging for me. I got so nervous standing in front of my teacher and classmates teaching a pose, that I started to shake, speak too low, sweat, and forget the main actions of the pose. I had a tough teacher, who would chime in A LOT to correct us, and I know now, all she wanted was for us to be the best teachers ever.
But I took it so personally, that I created the belief that I was a failure at everything and wasn’t good enough.
I also had a need to be understood, heard and loved, but my negative self-talk (aka Mind Chatter) would make me wrong for the way I was feeling (frustration, sadness) because I had another belief/story that it’s wrong to feel frustration, anger, or sadness.
Although I got teaching opportunities after my training, this belief (which affected everything in my life) still hung over me to the extent that I almost quit teaching. However, I know these beliefs started a long time ago, and through lots of personal growth work over the years, I realized these beliefs were not me and not true.
What we say and think about ourselves matters. I learned this through Marshall Rosenberg’s amazing process of Nonviolent Communication, which teaches us to openly and honestly express our feelings and needs without judgment.
He says “Every criticism, judgment, diagnosis, and expression of anger is the tragic expression of an unmet need.”
In other words, we tend to make ourselves or others wrong for feeling angry, frustrated, or sad, when really it all stems from a need not being met and that we may not aware of.
So what beliefs do you have? What statements/excuses do you tell yourself why something is? The ones I have heard myself say and others say are: I’m too old; it’s just too hard; I’m not good enough; I don’t deserve it; they won’t like/believe me.
These are the beliefs that hold us back from getting what we want and are needs met. But what we forget is that the Universe provides everything; and when we ask for those desires through affirmation or prayer, we need to feel that light and joy of possibility when we put it out there. That we are worthy and deserving. That we are not our thoughts, stories or beliefs. We are love, light and apart of this world.
So I invite you to track these thoughts or beliefs that you tell yourself. Write them down throughout the day, and then see what feeling or emotion is attached to it.
For example, my past story was, “I’m not good enough. I feel sad and depressed because I have a need for acceptance, to be heard and understood.”
So be aware of the challenges in your life, but don’t let them stop you. We all have challenges, but we also have choices.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Embrace the changes with love
When change occurs, I can go either two ways: breathe through the rough, stormy waters or go into a deep, dark hole of depression. However, at times, I find myself in between these two junctions or trapezes. I feel like I'm standing in that limbo with my arms folded and a wrinkled up face asking, "Hmm, which way do I want to go right now?"
The old part of me wants to go to that familiar place of darkness and self-loathing. It wants to numb it with food or alcohol. It wants to just sit there and feel like there's nothing that can be done and it's always going to be this way. But then my other part wants to allow space, compassion and love. You're probably thinking why you wouldn't just go that way. But how many times have you found yourself in the middle? How many times have you stood in the crossroads contemplating? How many times do you think it's just easier to be "this" way?
I really want the space, compassion, and love. My body and soul yearn for it, while my mind plays the two scenarios over and over. I know transition and change. I've been there. The process is very familiar to me. I know we all handle it differently, and that deep down everything is and will be okay. It is just when you're in the midst of it, that it just doesn't seem possible.
The feelings that typically arise are overwhelm, anxiety, fear (of the unknown), lost, insecure, frustration, impatience, and sadness. Deep down, we want to be happy; however, there is some work involved. In the past, when I would read those self-help books about finding true happiness and joy in your life, I just wanted to skip right to the happiness and joyful state; or I would say, "Yeah right! I can never get that", "I'm too old", or "I don't deserve it." I didn't realize that I had to (actually) go through the dark periods to get to the light.
In Judith Lasater's book, Living Your Yoga: Finding the Spiritual in Everyday Life, she quotes one of the Yoga Sutras by Patanjali, first book verse three, "Then the seer abides in its essence." In regards to the practice of yoga, Judith explains that Patanjali refers to yoga as being in "a state of wholeness", and when we can sit in our wholeness, "we can sit in our true nature." So, while experiencing a change or transition, why do we feel fear or bad about the way we feel? Well, for one thing, it's the unknown, and who wants to be there!?!. For example, imagine all the layers of an onion. The core of an onion is its wholeness. So when we think ourselves like an onion and there is a shift occurring, we begin to peel a layer, which is a layer of our past histories, experiences, beliefs and stories, most of, which may not be serving us anymore and holding us back from what we really want. That first layer is the first step toward your wholeness. Your true self towards freedom.
So what stories do you tell yourself as to why something is the way it is? Are they really true? Who would you be without those stories?
Find a quiet place and take about 15 minutes to write down at least five of those stories you may tell yourself. Then pick one that you say the most. Close your eyes and say that story or belief to yourself about 5-10 times. Note how your body feels when you say it to yourself. Feel the sensations and the emotions that come up. Be aware of any self-judgments. Allow your body to soften and relax even if it may feel uncomfortable or tense. Next, turn it around. What new story or belief do you want to tell yourself?
Here are some positive mantras or affirmations you can tell yourself when you're faced with a shift or transition:
* I always can make a choice.
* Change and transition is growth, and I welcome it with love and compassion.
* I trust myself.
* I take one step at a time.
* I have lots of time.
* I am perfect just the way I am.
When you say the positive mantras to yourself, really feel it in your body and note the difference. If you just repeat it over and over, and still feel tension or stress in your body, take a breath and pick a different one. Allow yourself time and space for it to come.
YOU ARE an amazing, powerful being, who can be what you want to be and do what you want to do. There is a wealth of possibilities and it all starts within.
The old part of me wants to go to that familiar place of darkness and self-loathing. It wants to numb it with food or alcohol. It wants to just sit there and feel like there's nothing that can be done and it's always going to be this way. But then my other part wants to allow space, compassion and love. You're probably thinking why you wouldn't just go that way. But how many times have you found yourself in the middle? How many times have you stood in the crossroads contemplating? How many times do you think it's just easier to be "this" way?
I really want the space, compassion, and love. My body and soul yearn for it, while my mind plays the two scenarios over and over. I know transition and change. I've been there. The process is very familiar to me. I know we all handle it differently, and that deep down everything is and will be okay. It is just when you're in the midst of it, that it just doesn't seem possible.
The feelings that typically arise are overwhelm, anxiety, fear (of the unknown), lost, insecure, frustration, impatience, and sadness. Deep down, we want to be happy; however, there is some work involved. In the past, when I would read those self-help books about finding true happiness and joy in your life, I just wanted to skip right to the happiness and joyful state; or I would say, "Yeah right! I can never get that", "I'm too old", or "I don't deserve it." I didn't realize that I had to (actually) go through the dark periods to get to the light.
In Judith Lasater's book, Living Your Yoga: Finding the Spiritual in Everyday Life, she quotes one of the Yoga Sutras by Patanjali, first book verse three, "Then the seer abides in its essence." In regards to the practice of yoga, Judith explains that Patanjali refers to yoga as being in "a state of wholeness", and when we can sit in our wholeness, "we can sit in our true nature." So, while experiencing a change or transition, why do we feel fear or bad about the way we feel? Well, for one thing, it's the unknown, and who wants to be there!?!. For example, imagine all the layers of an onion. The core of an onion is its wholeness. So when we think ourselves like an onion and there is a shift occurring, we begin to peel a layer, which is a layer of our past histories, experiences, beliefs and stories, most of, which may not be serving us anymore and holding us back from what we really want. That first layer is the first step toward your wholeness. Your true self towards freedom.
So what stories do you tell yourself as to why something is the way it is? Are they really true? Who would you be without those stories?
Find a quiet place and take about 15 minutes to write down at least five of those stories you may tell yourself. Then pick one that you say the most. Close your eyes and say that story or belief to yourself about 5-10 times. Note how your body feels when you say it to yourself. Feel the sensations and the emotions that come up. Be aware of any self-judgments. Allow your body to soften and relax even if it may feel uncomfortable or tense. Next, turn it around. What new story or belief do you want to tell yourself?
Here are some positive mantras or affirmations you can tell yourself when you're faced with a shift or transition:
* I always can make a choice.
* Change and transition is growth, and I welcome it with love and compassion.
* I trust myself.
* I take one step at a time.
* I have lots of time.
* I am perfect just the way I am.
When you say the positive mantras to yourself, really feel it in your body and note the difference. If you just repeat it over and over, and still feel tension or stress in your body, take a breath and pick a different one. Allow yourself time and space for it to come.
YOU ARE an amazing, powerful being, who can be what you want to be and do what you want to do. There is a wealth of possibilities and it all starts within.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Stories
I'm amazed at how many stories I have about people, things, places, and myself. It's interesting how you create a story about why something is so and it follows you through your life. A story could have been created when you were a child because whatever was happening at that time, you only had so many ways to make sense of it. Then as you got older, the stories manifested into something else. Most of the time, not in such a healthy way. My current story that keeps haunting me is "I don't belong" and "No one likes me." I know deep down, consciously, that it's not true. So why does it keep showing up. What have I NOT resolved here? This story shows up in most areas of my life: work, teaching, performance. It comes up in performance when an application I submit doesn't get accepted; or at work when everyone goes out to lunch without asking me, even though I work with them. It's hard not to play the blame-game. Again, I know they're not bad people, and I try to JUST accept it, but if it goes deep and triggers emotion, I'm sorry! You all suck!
I have to laugh because I'm curious as to why this keeps showing up in my life. I'm trying to learn why. I REALLY AM!!!!!!! Sometimes I don't want to, and would just like some peace about it. There's that saying (and book), "Don't sweat the small stuff". But what I learned in my coaching program and from therapy sessions, if something charges you that much, pay attention to it! Especially if you get emotional.
I really am SOOOO done with it.
I have to laugh because I'm curious as to why this keeps showing up in my life. I'm trying to learn why. I REALLY AM!!!!!!! Sometimes I don't want to, and would just like some peace about it. There's that saying (and book), "Don't sweat the small stuff". But what I learned in my coaching program and from therapy sessions, if something charges you that much, pay attention to it! Especially if you get emotional.
I really am SOOOO done with it.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Why are you back?
I was reading about my astrological sign yesterday, Gemini. One of the traits was something about boredom because Mercury is one of its ruling planets. I don't know much about astrology, but it made sense in some weird, cosmic way.
Yesterday, sitting at my desk, I was struggling. Not at a "work" task. Just, in general, struggling. I was uneasy, restless, bored, frustrated and angry. Thank God I work with a wonderful individual, who was able to help ease that tension. After clearing some chatter and identifying my needs under those feelings, the tension level went from a 10 to a 3-4. I'm happy that I have the tools to support myself when needed. But those feelings lingered on into the afternoon. It may not have been as intense, but it was still hanging around. I found relief talking with my therapist. I realized I haven't really dealt with my money stories yet. My relationship with money. There's been this ongoing theme around money that tends to visit me every 3 months or so. It's usually VERY unexpected, and hits me HARD with all sorts of emotions. So my therapy session yesterday helped me realize that I need to fess up to this ongoing theme. It's like a virus that you think you wiped out, but really it just gestates and hangs out in your body somewhere, until "that something" triggers it, and BOOM! It's back. Or it's like that on-again-off-again boyfriend/girlfriend, who you keep going back to and you don't know why. They just keep showing up in some way. It's at this point where you say to yourself, "What is going on and why are you back?"
Frankly, I'm done with my theme! It's a bad relationship that has to end. I'm ready to move with the fear to move past it. I'm going to see what my unconscious has to tell me. Our unconscious is always telling us something in our dreams. Maybe it's time to pay attention. So why are you back?
....stay tuned.
Yesterday, sitting at my desk, I was struggling. Not at a "work" task. Just, in general, struggling. I was uneasy, restless, bored, frustrated and angry. Thank God I work with a wonderful individual, who was able to help ease that tension. After clearing some chatter and identifying my needs under those feelings, the tension level went from a 10 to a 3-4. I'm happy that I have the tools to support myself when needed. But those feelings lingered on into the afternoon. It may not have been as intense, but it was still hanging around. I found relief talking with my therapist. I realized I haven't really dealt with my money stories yet. My relationship with money. There's been this ongoing theme around money that tends to visit me every 3 months or so. It's usually VERY unexpected, and hits me HARD with all sorts of emotions. So my therapy session yesterday helped me realize that I need to fess up to this ongoing theme. It's like a virus that you think you wiped out, but really it just gestates and hangs out in your body somewhere, until "that something" triggers it, and BOOM! It's back. Or it's like that on-again-off-again boyfriend/girlfriend, who you keep going back to and you don't know why. They just keep showing up in some way. It's at this point where you say to yourself, "What is going on and why are you back?"
Frankly, I'm done with my theme! It's a bad relationship that has to end. I'm ready to move with the fear to move past it. I'm going to see what my unconscious has to tell me. Our unconscious is always telling us something in our dreams. Maybe it's time to pay attention. So why are you back?
....stay tuned.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Those money stories
I got stuck in my money story again. My husband and I had a financial discussion last night, and no matter how much they suck, it had to be done. Everyone has a money story, or a money program. My money story is called "I'm never going to get ahead and there's never enough." I think my money program is called Mom's scary money program. Who knows? We all get our money stories from what we experienced around us growing up. I know I heard random things about money come out of my parents mouths, which what they probably got from their parents and so on. There's no one to blame. It happens. I lived with my mom after my parents divorced, but my dad was still very much involved in my life. I'm still working with my money stories and may not have them set-in-stone, but I have an idea.
I guess seeing my mom take care of everything in her life and mine (up until I was 18 and went to college) gave me this story that you have to struggle to keep up. You can't always spend how you want, when you want. I was lucky through college to have both my parents pay for my education and my dad pay for my housing. All I had to take care of was food and whatever bills I had, which wasn't a lot. Then after college, I got a job and could totally deal. I never went on credit card spending spree ever! I saw friends do it and it didn't appeal to me. Then again, I was in a different experience then they were. Of course, as you get older, you want more things and want to go to different places. I moved to San Francisco, an expensive city like New York. Things came up such as changing jobs, trainings and programs I wanted to take which accumulated over time. Marriage, etc. Then mis-management with finances happens and you get stuck.
So I don't know where I'm going with this and it may be I'm writing this more for myself, but I think it's good to look at how we experience money in our lives. We can learn and support each other,instead of judging or complaining about it. I started to seek support in my own community, which has helped tremendously. Although my husband and I are working together on this, I still need some of that outside insight.
what are your money stories? how do you generally feel about money? how did your parents view money?
I would love to hear comments!
I guess seeing my mom take care of everything in her life and mine (up until I was 18 and went to college) gave me this story that you have to struggle to keep up. You can't always spend how you want, when you want. I was lucky through college to have both my parents pay for my education and my dad pay for my housing. All I had to take care of was food and whatever bills I had, which wasn't a lot. Then after college, I got a job and could totally deal. I never went on credit card spending spree ever! I saw friends do it and it didn't appeal to me. Then again, I was in a different experience then they were. Of course, as you get older, you want more things and want to go to different places. I moved to San Francisco, an expensive city like New York. Things came up such as changing jobs, trainings and programs I wanted to take which accumulated over time. Marriage, etc. Then mis-management with finances happens and you get stuck.
So I don't know where I'm going with this and it may be I'm writing this more for myself, but I think it's good to look at how we experience money in our lives. We can learn and support each other,instead of judging or complaining about it. I started to seek support in my own community, which has helped tremendously. Although my husband and I are working together on this, I still need some of that outside insight.
what are your money stories? how do you generally feel about money? how did your parents view money?
I would love to hear comments!
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