Why I do yoga

This was a question I posed for myself in the previous post. As I practice yoga on a (almost) daily basis, I ask myself in the beginning of the practice, "Why do I practice yoga?", and then see where it leads me. Sometimes I forget I even asked myself this question, and continue on with my practice and day. Last Tuesday, when I taught my Hatha Flow class, one of the students talked about when and why she started doing yoga, and then asked me the same question. I bless this student for reminding me! I talked about when I was 21 years old, getting ready to graduate college, I began making changes in my life. I began changing the relationships I had with friends, family, and partners. I started to meet new people who had more awareness of body, mind and spirit and introduced me to different practices such as yoga, butoh dance, and meditation. I also discovered Whole Foods, and started looking at food a little differently too. But it comes back to yoga. It comes to the question, was it a coincidence that I began taking yoga classes during this transition in my life? Or was there a reason?

With all the hours of studying and training I've received in the past ten years, "coincidence" has faded from my vocabulary. I believe there is a reason for everything that happens to us and around us. Yoga, being a holistic practice, supports me in those transitional, and sometimes, difficult times. Whether it's grief, loss, or depression, I find those times on the yoga mat very comforting. Even if I'm in resistance, I start doing some sun salutations and I'm immersed in the experience. It's a time when I can really be with thoughts and emotions--anger, sadness, frustration--and allow them to move through and out my body. It brings my attention to my breath, which supports the movement of energy. It's when we hold our breath a lot, or take quick, short breaths, that's how the tension continues to build up, so we are unable to move on.

I do yoga to relieve that tension. I'm sure most people do without realizing it. But in this last decade of practicing and teaching yoga, I really had to remind myself why I do this. There was a time when I loathed it, and it was a time when I wasn't present and in complete resistance. There was a lot of unacknowledged grief and self-doubt, which was so frightening to face. It was just easier to shut down. With a supportive community and with time, shutting down wasn't a way of being anymore. I was more open to being with the uncomfortable feelings more because I realized they would pass quicker if I just sat with them. I look forward to practicing yoga, and teaching! So how did this happen?

Compassion, love, understanding, and acceptance (to name a few). Yoga teaches us this. It brings us into our body, allows us to look at the mind, and connect with our soul. But we need to go through the dark periods, in order to get to the light. There's no joy, without sorrow. There's no happiness without sadness/anger. There's no yin without yang. It's all about balance, and this is what yoga offers us.

So, if you're a yoga practitioner or other practitioner of whatever passion/hobby/practice you do, why do you do it? What keeps bringing you back? Does it ignite your creative fire, and how do you contain it and then move it? How do you cultivate it in your daily life?

I invite you to take 5-15 minutes a day to answer these questions one at time. Don't feel you have to answer all of them at once. Or see what questions arise within yourself, but without judgment. A little self-reflection and inquiry can go a LONG way.

Namaste ~

Inspirations

I've done so much cleansing (energy cleansing) I don't know where to begin. I think it's funny I've been doing a cleanse, when a little while ago I said I didn't want to do a cleanse or detox, but I guess the Universe didn't mean the "food kind."

For the past month, I've been receiving weekly energy sessions, in exchange for Reflexology to complete my case study for my massage program hours. Let's say I've been REALLY getting into my body and soul/spirit. The following things I have been acknowledging and letting go of because they don't serve me anymore:

• money stories -- BYE BYE!
  
• religious/catholic stories (ie. "I'm going to hell" was the biggie!)
• fears, in general (especially about moving back to the east coast)

I definitely want to go into detail about each and every one of these things and I will. However, I want to express my inspirations, which are like my monthly intentions, but I want to do it without any meaning to it. In other words, just say what they are without any attachment or expectations, which I feel I've done a lot of, especially around my movement work, yoga and massage practices. After clearing, cleansing and letting go of this old energy, there's more room for inspirations. This is so very exciting for me, so let me dive right into it:

1. Movement work/practice - allowing myself to play with it without putting meaning or labeling to it. Over the past 3 years doing solo work, I feel my performances had to have meaning to it. My chatter was, "it has to mean something" or "it should mean something" and "people will think it's boring." I'm so done with that because I know what I do is wonderful, expressive, and engaging to others. Like art.
   
2. Yoga practice - allowing myself to play and create as I go along with my personal and and teaching practice. As with my movement practice, I can get stuck by the chatter. However, lately, I've been starting my yoga practice and classes with personal intentions and/or dedicating the practice to yourself or other people in your life. I want it to be a joyful, celebratory experience for me and others.
3. Massage practice -- I always want this to be FUN! Also, a wonderful way to connect with others and share my knowledge. Also, as I'm still completing program hours, I want it to continue to enrich me and provide more and more knowledge, so I can be the BEST Massage Therapist EVER.
4. Moving to the east coast -- being present to everything that comes up, especially the fear of the unknown. Although, I'll be surrounded by family, I want to always self-connect to my true being and allow myself quiet, meditative time when needed. Also, I want to remember I can still and always connect with my west coast community whenever I need to. They will always be with me. But, once again, I want the experience to be FUN!!!!!

So "FUN" is what I'm creating here. No matter what happens, allowing the experience to be fun because we're always learning as we go, and carrying knowledge from past experiences. I'm creating presence. It's not meant to hold us back, but to help us grow and transform. What holds us back is the chatter, or the "shouldas" or "what ifs." Thank you, but I'm good.

April Intentions

Man! Before we know it, April will be over! Ha! Even though, I will be continuing many of my intentions from last month, I wanted to set some new ones for this month:

• Call NYS Education Dept regarding massage license transfer (this one is going to be such a HUGE process, I need to do this in baby steps!)
• Attend a yoga class
• Purchase SD card for my Macbook laptop, so I can transfer video easily
• Finish questions on "Cultivating a Private Practice" for movement group/practice

Since we're into the second week of April, I feel this is a good, do-able amount for me. I've been REALLY good about not being hard on myself and I want this to continue. I'm all about the flow these days.

Rekindling an old relationship

With yoga. I've had this itch and it's I'm missing my relationship with yoga. Although I don't want to dwell in the past, I remember being SOOOOO excited about practicing and going to class at the end of the day. The other night I came home from teaching a yoga class. It was about 10pm and I was still quite amped from the class, so I grabbed a book off the shelf, "Light on the Yoga: The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali" by BKS Iyengar. I remember reading this book in teacher training as it was required. At the time, I looked at this book as, I HAVE to read this, so I'll just plow through it to get it done. HA! I was 26 years old and had been living in San Francisco for almost a year. I was definitely in a different state of mind altogether. I still wanted to make more friends, party, etc. So I wasn't quite into "that part" of yoga.

Don't get me wrong! I valued and still value what I learned in teacher training, and don't regret the experience one bit. But as I sat on the couch the other night and read the first sutra with translation and description, I said out loud, "OOooooohhhhhhh! That's what's going on." I totally laughed at myself, but felt a spark in myself. I love reading something for the second time because you always catch something different you didn't the first time. The spark was to practice more, EVEN IF it's for 15 minutes. I know I've blogged about this before, but the more I think about it and feel how great I'm going to feel, I know it's gonna happen.

I want to be easy on myself. If I think I can only do 15 minutes, then I'll start with that and see where it takes me. I won't say, "I can't do it if I only have 15 minutes." Screw that attitude! I'm going to do what I can and love it! I want to read a Yoga Sutra a day; practice a pose that I know is challenging for me; and be present for everything that unfolds.

I want to breathe, be in my body, and love my body. That's what yoga means to me. And, boy, do we have a lot of catching up to do on the mat.

March Intentions

• Complete one homeplay assignment for massage per week
• Complete and send in application for massage license
  
• Attend a yoga class or do a yoga dvd once a week
• Run 3 (or more) miles 3-4 times per week
• Celebrate something I'm grateful for everyday
• Spend time with butoh/movement practice--either discussion and/or with exercises once a week
  
• Spend quality time with hubby--dinner, movie, walk, etc.
• Be mindful of my emotions and reactions

This sounds doable. Otherwise, it's not gonna happen.....

A slow descent and rise

I'm getting more and more clear about what's alive for me. It's funny because I could feel it calling me over the past year. Massage is one of those things, which I'm doing already as I complete my clinic hours.

But the big thing for me is my movement practice: butoh and performance. It's been calling me for awhile now and I feel I need to answer it. I already began cutting back on my yoga teaching without really knowing why. I mean, I knew why. I just had too much judgment of myself about it. The "clear" is coming through with acceptance. Acceptance of what is. Right now I like teaching two classes a week. It's just interesting that I have realized now, that I've been making this slow descent away from it.

So, now it's about rising up to meet my movement practice. To spend more time with it. To embrace it and let it embrace me. To hold what fires me up and makes me feel alive. To be present with all I am while moving. To breathe. To love.

After taking the Katsura Kan workshop, that love came back to me. That drive to create, experiment, share, and teach. I will always incorporate my love of yoga with my movement practice because I really can't not. So let that love rise and feed me with all its glory and beauty, because it's gonna be fun rise to up and meet it.

Five Ways to Make More Time for Yoga

I had to share this wonderful information from a blog I follow;  in fact it's a great reminder to myself that I really can practice yoga ANYWHERE! A little really does go a long way, and if you keep up with it, you'll find yourself practicing yoga a little longer each time.

Enjoy and be well!



From: Top Five Tuesdays
5 Ways to Make More Time for Yoga
September 14, 2010
by Erica Rodefer Winters
1. Write It In Your Calendar, To-Do List, (And Set an Alarm!) In my experience, when something becomes a habit it's easier to stick to. So if you want to be at yoga class every Tuesday at 6 pm, have your computer or phone send you a reminder at 4:30, and again at 5, and 5:15. And don't let anything else get in the way!
2. Expand Your View of What Yoga Is. If you feel like you don't get enough yoga in, it might be time to think about all the little things you already do in your normal life and infuse them with mindfulness and breath. The five-minute break you take to chat with your friend in the office might not be what most people think of as yoga, but if it helps you become more balanced and aware--it's yoga.
3. Practice While You Drive, Stand In Line, Sit at Your Desk... And So On. If you need to stretch to feel like you've done yoga, there's no reason you can't do that in little spurts all day long! Practice Tadasana while you stand in line at the grocery store. Take breaks from your computer every hour to do a shoulder opener and a twist. The possibilities are endless. (If you need more examples read my blog post "Yoga Everywhere, and I Mean Everywhere!")
4. Make Yoga Top Priority. There will be days when the thought of peeling yourself off the couch and away from your favorite reality TV show is a struggle. When this happens, remember how great you feel after yoga--you feel energized and more balanced. That's way more important than So You Think You Can Dance or what someone you've never met has to say to Twitter, right?
5. Forgive Yourself. Don't forget that a big part of the practice is letting go of attachment--and that includes the attachment to your daily asana practice! So when something comes up that throws you off schedule and you just can't make it to the mat, try not to beat yourself up about it. It's part of the flow of life. Yoga isn't going anywhere, and neither are you. Try it again tomorrow!

Doing a lot and loving it all

In the past, I was one to "over-do" or "do-too-much" at once, which resulted in resenting and/or hating some of my passions.  Later on, I realized that it wasn't that I didn't like any of it anymore, it was more about what was alive for me at that moment and time period.  I always felt like I had to do, do, do because if I just quit, I was a failure in some way (what a judgment to put on myself!).  When I finally acknowledged what I wanted and needed for myself, more ease and flow began to show up in my life.  The more I did this, the more joy I had with whatever I was doing. 

Last June, I had to cut back from teaching yoga because I was in massage school and it demanded a lot of my time and energy.  It was hard for me, but I made the choice of putting yoga teaching on the back burner for a little while until my massage classes slowed down.  When they did,  I went back to teaching and I love it!

In addition, I'm creating some new performance work once a week and beginning to get my massage business launched.  I decided I want to start seeing one to two massage clients a week.  Within these two projects in my life, I still find time for myself and with my husband.  Some people in my life ask me, "how do you do it?"  In the big picture, it's really simple.  I found being present with each thing I do has helped tremendously.  In the past, I would dread and sometimes feel drained about my schedule for the week.  Now, even though I look at my week schedule, I take one day at a time, one moment at a time.  The feelings of being overwhelmed; stretched-out-too-thin; overworked, etc., fade away more easily.  When they do come up, I stop and acknowledge what's happening; what am I not in alignment with? 

It's a process. A journey.  These things take time, and eventually begin to make sense.  We all have different things going on our lives, but we shouldn't put things we love to do aside because we feel there's no time or it's too hard.  If we truly love it and it makes us happy, then we can find time for it.  It's a practice of mindfulness and being in the present.  For me, it was a lot about letting go, and it was challenging!  But I also had support networks of like-minded people, which is an important part when initiating change in your life.  It's always happening and is ongoing.   Just keep remembering what it is about your passion that makes you happy and bask in those feelings. 

Patience and Trust

I know if I'm patient, it will come.  I know if I get frustrated about it, it's okay. I know if I continue to imagine it, it will show up.  I know it's about trusting.  Trust is my theme for the week.  To trust myself is important.  If I can't trust myself, who or what can I trust?  I feel patience and trust go hand in hand in certain situations.  For instance, if I trust in myself that I will receive money to leverage my debt, I will be patient.  Yes, I felt myself wanting to get frustrated and upset and say, "how the hell am I going to make it 'til my next paycheck?" But things happen for a reason and I need to trust that and the way it is.  I'm grateful for my yoga practice in the middle of all this because I, honestly, don't know where I would be right now.  I'm also grateful for my breath, continuing to take deep, belly breaths when I think about it.  Staying present and in my body.

I know I could find fun ways to leverage my debt and upcoming bills; or I could just go to the dark side and dwell and beat myself up.  But I really don't want to go there. I want to strive for joy, ease and acceptance in all things, even in the not so good times. It's a hard practice, but it's how you learn. 

Time to practice

I have added another declaration to my list:

I will practice yoga at least 3 times a week

You think being a yoga teacher you would have lots 'o time. Nope! It's not always that way. Working a fulltime job and going to massage school can definitely make it difficult at times. However, last night, I got home from work, changed my clothes and rolled out the mat. I didn't allow my mind/head to get in the way of that action, no way! I began doing gentle movement to warm up my body; sun salutations came next and then prepping for backbends. I love backbends and it's a workshop I am going to teach really soon. As I took myself in and out of about 4-5 backbends of Urdhva Dhanurasana (upward bow or wheel), I could feel my heart center bursting open with pleasure and relief. I could feel it from my head to my toes and then back up to my head. It was a total somatic/body experience. Then I transitioned into inversions: headstand and shoulderstand. After shoulderstand, I once again felt that surge of energy, but with a sense of calmness and peace. It was like that feeling I used to get when I first began doing yoga. When you just smoked pot for the first time and you have that floaty feeling. I then realized how much I missed my practice. My time to myself and with my body.

When I was in savasana, I basked in it. I allowed my body to let go and integrate everything I experienced in the practice. I visualized myself teaching what I just practiced and that felt so good. I ended in a seated position and chanted "Om".

I want more of that now. Even if I have limited time, I want to be there again. I will be.

Practice with Purpose

Something I always try to do in my practice. There are times when I have a purpose before, and then sometimes I create it during the practice. Yoga definitely helps us go inward and investigate. What are my needs right now? What do I want? I always start with a meditation before my practice and I ask myself these questions. If I don't have an answer right away, it always comes through. Let your body tell you.

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(From yogajournal.com/daily insight)

Almost everyone who does yoga will tell you that their "energy" feels different after they've practiced. This is no doubt one of the main reasons why we practice: to change our experience of how energy moves in the body. We want more energy; smoother, more even energy; or energy that is quieter and less agitated.

One way to think of organizing a home practice has to do with consciously manipulating two of the main energies in the body, prana and apana. In the ancient teachings of India, prana is believed to exist above the diaphragm and to have a tendency to move upward; it is "masculine energy" and controls the heart and the respiration. Apana, it is said, exists below the diaphragm and has a tendency to move downward; it is "feminine energy" and controls the organs of the abdomen, pelvis, and legs.

Before starting your practice on any given day, first ascertain which energy you want to increase and then practice the appropriate poses to accomplish your goal. For example, inversions increase apana; standing poses stimulate prana. Forward bends quiet both apana and prana, as do supine poses. If you are feeling scattered and fatigued, you may want your practice to increase apana; if you are dull and unenthusiastic, you may want to increase prana.

IN THIS ISSUE
Bringing Your Practice Home

http://www.yogajournal.com/basics/819
Standing Poses

http://www.yogajournal.com/poses/finder/browse_categories/standing
Forward Bends

http://www.yogajournal.com/poses/finder/browse_categories/forward_bends

My Practice #2

As I'm able to find more opps to practice, I've realized how much my practice has changed since I've gotten older. I started practicing yoga almost 10 years ago and my body has definitely changed! Of course I've been aware of this new neck "project" going on, just when I feel it's going away, I turn around and do something to aggravate it. Now I just don't do those things, even though I enjoy them. For instance, I can't keep my neck in full flexion for too long these days. So shoulderstand is out of the question (one of my favorites!). also setu bandha (bride). Although I managed to practice my back bends on Saturday, it bothered me that I couldn't do setu bandha for too long. Back bends are one of my favorites, or maybe my all time favorite poses in yoga. So as I write this entry, I'm starting to believe maybe this is an opportunity to practice some other poses that I've neglected? Like the ones I don't enjoy but I know that have amazing benefits? The ones I know I don't practice enough are: twists, forward bends and hip openers; mostly the seated ones.

This is great stuff to discover! Something to share with my students and clients.

My Practice

I thought I would journal about my personal yoga practices for my own growth and to share for others who are on their own path.

Last night I practiced for an hour. I started with some Yin yoga to loosen and juice up the joints and connective tissues--butterfly, saddle, seal/sphinx, child's & shoelace pose. What I love about Yin yoga is the holding of the poses and the meditative state that emerges within. Also the breath becomes, almost hypnotic. Then I moved into a more Yang (active) practice--sun salutations, standing poses. It was when I got to the floor that things started to happen. I decided to do some seated twists. A week ago I had some energy work done and I had a lot of blockage in my spleen area. The energy work, of course helped release this and I did process with the practitioner afterward. However, as I was twisting to my left (toward the spleen) I started feeling agitated and antsy. I thought this should be more associated on the right side since that's where the liver resides and is connected more with anger according to Chinese Medicine. So I decided to lay down with my feet on the floor and just be with the sensations and emotions which shifted to sadness. This made more sense to me, as in my energy session I released with a lot of tears and feelings of sadness. I know I have a lot of emotional stuff hanging out in my abdominal so I know it's connected to the sadness.

I really want to investigate this more with myself as I go deeper in my yoga practice. I love how yoga gives you an opportunity to get to know yourself.

Build Strength from the Inside Out

I just love the daily emails I get from Yoga Journal. I just sent this one to my yoga students. I don't always stress that they should practice at home, but deep inside me, I hope they do a little. My intention is to share the knowledge from this article in hopes of inspiring and motivating my students to begin a home practice of their own. I know when I began a yoga practice I didn't do much at first. But then the more I did it, the more I did! I love to teach because it meets my need for connection and community. I hope in some way, me sharing this knowledge and experience meets theirs.

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(From yogajournal.com daily insight)


Many of us come to yoga to build strength. There's no question that when you're physically strong, you're better able to handle the demands of your day with grace and ease. But you can build endurance and power through almost any athletic pursuit. The beauty of practicing yoga is that it builds inner strength—which you need to ride life's emotional currents with faith and equanimity—even as it tones your body.

One way to build inner strength is by practicing regularly, whether you're feeling inspired or not. That simple act develops your capacity for commitment and for not letting the rest of life get between you and what you know to be essential to your well-being. By being true to yourself in your yoga practice, you enhance your ability to be true to yourself in other situations.

Of course, maintaining a consistent home practice is, in itself, an exercise in strength. At home, the notorious obstacles of procrastination, distraction, and skepticism come up all the time. To help dispel these stumbling blocks, choose a regular time and create a sacred space for your practice. It also helps to have several sequences on hand for those days when you're unsure of what to do next.



IN THIS ISSUE
Block Steady
http://www.yogajournal.com/practice/1742


Home Practice 101
http://www.yogajournal.com/basics/1582

Why Practice?

(From yogajournal.com daily insight)
I absolutely love these emails I get from yoga journal everyday. There's always something to ponder, wonder, or reflect about myself. Why do I practice yoga? is a question to reflect on. I not only love the poses but my overall state of being is enhanced and intensified. Something to investigate for myself.


It's no secret that we often do things for reasons we're totally unaware of. Sometimes our unconscious motives become clear only after a good deal of reflection. So it's important to realize that questioning the intent of our practice inevitably leads us to inquire about the meaning of our life as well. We could just as pertinently ask: Why am I really alive?

At the outset, it's natural to assume that our practice and our life are totally separate, that we practice for an hour or so a day and then forget about it. But after a while, the two inevitably begin to merge. As Sri Aurobindo, the great 20th-century Indian sage and progenitor of Integral Yoga, reminds us, "All life is yoga."



IN THIS ISSUE
Why Do We Practice?
http://www.yogajournal.com/basics/1153


Bringing Your Practice Home
http://www.yogajournal.com/basics/819