break through

I can't believe how long it's been since I've written in my blog. I felt like I always had something to say, express, announce, and/or rant about. October was rich with a lot of emotion, so I know I was feeling it, and emotion can't always be put into words. I would just rather not even attempt to write about it.

I felt a breakthrough, especially around my 5th chakra (throat area=communication). In the past, this area was blocked-severely-which led me to believe that's why I clench my jaw and need to wear a mouthguard at night. One morning I felt a release in this area and it was intense. I was angry, sad, and confused, and I was having a difficult time communicating it to my husband. I had a moment alone when all I wanted to do was slam the glass I was holding against the wall. Rationally, I knew this wasn't a good idea at 7:15 in the morning. So I put it down, took a deep breath, and sat down on the couch. As I continued to breath with the emotions, I felt it rise up from my stomach, into my chest and stop at my throat and jaw. My jaw began to vibrate! Literally, I felt it! Then I proceeded to punch pillows and the couch, crying and wailing like a child. Things began to move. My feet and toes were tingling.

After I had my moment, I began to talk to my husband. I was able to clearly communicate what I was feeling (keep in mind I couldn't talk to him for a couple days!) and why I couldn't talk to him. I was confused about being confused, angry and sad. I had to allow myself to process and be with it, and trust that an answer would come within. And it did.

Ever since then, things have continued to move. I finally completed my last massage modality, Reflexology, and I'm moving more and more toward what I want. I can feel it and feels great!

I feel more trust within myself, which has allowed me to trust others, and in certain situations. I trust more in that things work themselves out. It may take time, but it's this "allowing" that keeps it flowing.

Build Strength from the Inside Out

I just love the daily emails I get from Yoga Journal. I just sent this one to my yoga students. I don't always stress that they should practice at home, but deep inside me, I hope they do a little. My intention is to share the knowledge from this article in hopes of inspiring and motivating my students to begin a home practice of their own. I know when I began a yoga practice I didn't do much at first. But then the more I did it, the more I did! I love to teach because it meets my need for connection and community. I hope in some way, me sharing this knowledge and experience meets theirs.

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(From yogajournal.com daily insight)


Many of us come to yoga to build strength. There's no question that when you're physically strong, you're better able to handle the demands of your day with grace and ease. But you can build endurance and power through almost any athletic pursuit. The beauty of practicing yoga is that it builds inner strength—which you need to ride life's emotional currents with faith and equanimity—even as it tones your body.

One way to build inner strength is by practicing regularly, whether you're feeling inspired or not. That simple act develops your capacity for commitment and for not letting the rest of life get between you and what you know to be essential to your well-being. By being true to yourself in your yoga practice, you enhance your ability to be true to yourself in other situations.

Of course, maintaining a consistent home practice is, in itself, an exercise in strength. At home, the notorious obstacles of procrastination, distraction, and skepticism come up all the time. To help dispel these stumbling blocks, choose a regular time and create a sacred space for your practice. It also helps to have several sequences on hand for those days when you're unsure of what to do next.



IN THIS ISSUE
Block Steady
http://www.yogajournal.com/practice/1742


Home Practice 101
http://www.yogajournal.com/basics/1582

Out of my body, in my head

I find it so interesting how the mind works. What really fascinates me is how it can take over EVERYTHING!

I went to the gym bright and early this a.m. and as I was heading home, all I could think about was making some yummy, protein-packed scrambled eggs. Mmmmmmm! I went into the kitchen and saw a sink full of dishes with the pan I needed (gross!). Then my mind began to chatter, "Why can't he wash the dishes he uses?". After washing the pan, I open the fridge to get my precious eggs out and low and behold, there aren't any! I literally spat out, "My eggs! where are my eggs!", "I can't believe he ate my eggs!". The "he" is my husband and notice how I'm using "my". Like we don't share food, right? Then I felt myself going into a tizzy and I got angry. Then sad.

I stopped, closed my eyes and took 3 long, gentle breaths into my belly. The anger was still there. So I sat down and took some breaths. A little better. The more I got into my body and noticed sensations, there was more ease. But why did I feel like crying?

I began to acknowledge my feelings and needs, as I learned from the Non-violent communication training I had received almost a year ago. So I said out loud, "I'm feeling angry and sad because I have a need for respect, consideration, nutrition and food". I said this 3 times and after the 3rd time I began to laugh and giggle. It was as if something released in me that I was holding onto. Something that just didn't serve me.

As I went on with my usual morning routine, emotions of happiness and sadness came and went. I didn't judge them. I just felt them. I allowed them to come in, like when a friend or neighbor comes over. For years, resistance was what kept me from expressing and acknowledging my feelings. I used to make judgments onto myself such as, "your bad a person if you show your anger" or "your weak if you show that you're crying". In other words, I'm a bad person if I show my feelings. what a catholic way of living!

Writing this out has created more ease in my body right now! I feel more present so I can enjoy my day no matter what. It's amazing how we can get so caught up in our heads, thoughts, evaluations and interpretations of what is happening. But what really is happening? In my situation, I got triggered and I felt angry and sad. Cool! So be it! Let it out!

I also realized how much compassion I had for my husband who was sleeping during all of this. He probably ate those eggs because he had a need for food and nutrition too. We bought those eggs together. They were his eggs as much as mine, but really they were just eggs.

If everyone on the planet practiced these tools of non-violent communication for themselves and with others, how much ease would people feel in their bodies? how many people would get along with their partners, family, friends, coworkers, bosses, enemies? Tons.