I've been playing this game called "The Prosperity Game." I found it in Esther Hick's book, Ask and It is Given. Since a lot of stuff has come up around money, a friend of mine suggested this.
The game goes like this:
Create a fake checkbook or spreadsheet (I've been using excel). On the first day, deposit $1000 into your "play" bank account, then spend it on whatever you like, but be specific. On the second day, deposit $2000 and spend it; then on the third, $3000; then so on and so on until you get up to $50,000, which will equal out to 50 days. You want to notice how you feel every time you write a check or how you spend the money. Eventually, it helps you be more comfortable with spending money in general. You can play the game as many times as you want. The key aspect to this game is to be specific as to what you're spending. For instance, instead of just spending $400 on a plane ticket, where are you going? I wrote Hawaii one time and then Portland, Oregon for another. Another time I specifically indicated I spent $90 on a pair of Keen flat shoes, instead of just shoes. The game also has to do with the Law of Attraction and the Art of Allowing.
I know I don't allow myself to enjoy spending my money. Whenever I get my paycheck or other income, I almost yell at myself for wanting to spend it on something fun, instead of bills. I should spend it on bills. But I know that has to be done, so why can't I feel good about that?
I could be grateful for whatever money comes in and when I spend it on bills or a fun get-away to Hawaii, I will be grateful about either one of them! It's like I let the money control ME, instead of ME controlling the money. Ha ha ha, what a realization that was!
The game continues.....
Monday, May 24, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Those money stories
I got stuck in my money story again. My husband and I had a financial discussion last night, and no matter how much they suck, it had to be done. Everyone has a money story, or a money program. My money story is called "I'm never going to get ahead and there's never enough." I think my money program is called Mom's scary money program. Who knows? We all get our money stories from what we experienced around us growing up. I know I heard random things about money come out of my parents mouths, which what they probably got from their parents and so on. There's no one to blame. It happens. I lived with my mom after my parents divorced, but my dad was still very much involved in my life. I'm still working with my money stories and may not have them set-in-stone, but I have an idea.
I guess seeing my mom take care of everything in her life and mine (up until I was 18 and went to college) gave me this story that you have to struggle to keep up. You can't always spend how you want, when you want. I was lucky through college to have both my parents pay for my education and my dad pay for my housing. All I had to take care of was food and whatever bills I had, which wasn't a lot. Then after college, I got a job and could totally deal. I never went on credit card spending spree ever! I saw friends do it and it didn't appeal to me. Then again, I was in a different experience then they were. Of course, as you get older, you want more things and want to go to different places. I moved to San Francisco, an expensive city like New York. Things came up such as changing jobs, trainings and programs I wanted to take which accumulated over time. Marriage, etc. Then mis-management with finances happens and you get stuck.
So I don't know where I'm going with this and it may be I'm writing this more for myself, but I think it's good to look at how we experience money in our lives. We can learn and support each other,instead of judging or complaining about it. I started to seek support in my own community, which has helped tremendously. Although my husband and I are working together on this, I still need some of that outside insight.
what are your money stories? how do you generally feel about money? how did your parents view money?
I would love to hear comments!
I guess seeing my mom take care of everything in her life and mine (up until I was 18 and went to college) gave me this story that you have to struggle to keep up. You can't always spend how you want, when you want. I was lucky through college to have both my parents pay for my education and my dad pay for my housing. All I had to take care of was food and whatever bills I had, which wasn't a lot. Then after college, I got a job and could totally deal. I never went on credit card spending spree ever! I saw friends do it and it didn't appeal to me. Then again, I was in a different experience then they were. Of course, as you get older, you want more things and want to go to different places. I moved to San Francisco, an expensive city like New York. Things came up such as changing jobs, trainings and programs I wanted to take which accumulated over time. Marriage, etc. Then mis-management with finances happens and you get stuck.
So I don't know where I'm going with this and it may be I'm writing this more for myself, but I think it's good to look at how we experience money in our lives. We can learn and support each other,instead of judging or complaining about it. I started to seek support in my own community, which has helped tremendously. Although my husband and I are working together on this, I still need some of that outside insight.
what are your money stories? how do you generally feel about money? how did your parents view money?
I would love to hear comments!
Monday, May 17, 2010
One Moment in Time
I love what this article says about attachment. It's not just in yoga practice, but also in things that shows up in daily life. In regards to my yoga practice, I've been finding that there are certain poses that are difficult now. I get agitated over this, but I keep going. I acknowledge why I feel agitated and then it moves through me and I continue with the practice.
Since a big shift has happened in my life, I've been wanting to find more time for yoga practice and also "me practice." The "me practice" is not just yoga, but other mindfulness-based practices that I've picked up over the years in my various trainings. I want to embrace each moment when things come up for me, no matter how scary it may be. It's a way of being. It is what is.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(From Yoga Journal Daily Insight)
As the Buddha said, impermanence is the nature of the human condition. This is a truth we know in our minds but tend to resist in our hearts. Change happens all around us, all the time, yet we long for the predictable, the consistent. We want the reassurance that comes from things remaining the same. Yoga philosophy offers an alternative to these tendencies. It is to embrace the powerful truth: the power of living in the unchanging, eternal present.
We can even look to our yoga mat to watch the attachment pattern play itself out. We often find ourselves attached to a never-ending process of "improvement" in our asanas. They do improve quickly at first—in the beginning, we are on a honeymoon of discovery; we grow by leaps and bounds in ability and understanding. After a couple of decades, however, our poses change much less. Oftentimes, we can no longer practice certain poses because of age or injury, yet we feel agitated because we assume that the poses of our youth should be the poses of our middle and old age.
What gives life its juice is the ability to mourn anything fully and simultaneously know it doesn't ultimately matter. In other words, we can live to the fullest when we recognize that our suffering is based not on the fact of impermanence but rather on our reaction to that impermanence.
After the Laundry, the Laundry |
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Polishing the Mirror |
Friday, May 14, 2010
The Grief Rollercoaster
I've been on a very "rollie" rollercoaster the past few days. I got back Monday night from the east coast, where I attended my Nana's wake and funeral. I took Tuesday off to rest and then back to work on Wednesday. This definitely wasn't enough time for me. I could have used more time for myself, but this society we live in kind of pushes us to "keep going". Quite frankly, that's BULLSHIT!
Why is this bullshit? Well, we all grieve differently. When someone close to us dies, we may not feel (or want to feel) the emotions right away; we may feel them in spurts; or we may need weeks or a month to really be with our grief to go back to life. I have been feeling my emotions in spurts and it's been an interesting ride. I'll feel totally fine for a minute and then anger will set in, followed by sadness, which leaves me weeping. Today is definitely a little smoother, but Wednesday just plain sucked. I really acknowledged how I felt at every moment, and when the self-judgments would enter my mind, I would say, "Okay, thank you for sharing, but fuck off and I don't care!" I don't care if I feel sad and I'm at work. I don't care if I feel angry about what you just said to me. It's not you, I just don't feel good. So let me NOT feel good.
This experience has taught me how people in our culture mask their emotions. Grief is such a huge,heavy place to be in and we don't give ourselves the permission sometimes to feel it and accept it. At least, for me, I am completely aware and present with my emotions, so I know the emotions will come and go. But not everyone accepts these emotions with kindness and compassion. So the more you resist the emotions that are showing up, the grief will persist. From my experience, I know the emotions don't feel good and who wants to not feel good. But I know it's something I have to feel in order to heal.
I have also learned that I can't take on other people's stuff, especially during these times. If people are going to react to how I'm feeling, so be it. It's not my problem. Three years ago, I would not be saying this right now. I would be feeling bad for feeling bad. But I feel more truth in myself these days. I am authentic and real about this because it is what it is. I appreciate the support from people and it's okay if I don't want it. I definitely didn't want it a couple days ago and that was fine and perfect.
We all have to ride rollercoasters in life. Some of them are fun and exhilarating; while some are fearful and draining. The important thing is that we ALL ride them, it is just that we may be on a different one at that moment. We may be on an even track just cruising. It's all beautiful! Embrace it!
Why is this bullshit? Well, we all grieve differently. When someone close to us dies, we may not feel (or want to feel) the emotions right away; we may feel them in spurts; or we may need weeks or a month to really be with our grief to go back to life. I have been feeling my emotions in spurts and it's been an interesting ride. I'll feel totally fine for a minute and then anger will set in, followed by sadness, which leaves me weeping. Today is definitely a little smoother, but Wednesday just plain sucked. I really acknowledged how I felt at every moment, and when the self-judgments would enter my mind, I would say, "Okay, thank you for sharing, but fuck off and I don't care!" I don't care if I feel sad and I'm at work. I don't care if I feel angry about what you just said to me. It's not you, I just don't feel good. So let me NOT feel good.
This experience has taught me how people in our culture mask their emotions. Grief is such a huge,heavy place to be in and we don't give ourselves the permission sometimes to feel it and accept it. At least, for me, I am completely aware and present with my emotions, so I know the emotions will come and go. But not everyone accepts these emotions with kindness and compassion. So the more you resist the emotions that are showing up, the grief will persist. From my experience, I know the emotions don't feel good and who wants to not feel good. But I know it's something I have to feel in order to heal.
I have also learned that I can't take on other people's stuff, especially during these times. If people are going to react to how I'm feeling, so be it. It's not my problem. Three years ago, I would not be saying this right now. I would be feeling bad for feeling bad. But I feel more truth in myself these days. I am authentic and real about this because it is what it is. I appreciate the support from people and it's okay if I don't want it. I definitely didn't want it a couple days ago and that was fine and perfect.
We all have to ride rollercoasters in life. Some of them are fun and exhilarating; while some are fearful and draining. The important thing is that we ALL ride them, it is just that we may be on a different one at that moment. We may be on an even track just cruising. It's all beautiful! Embrace it!
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Death
it's hard being so far away when someone you love dies. my nana was strong all the way through but her little body just got tuckered out. i'm glad i got to see her one last time last weekend before she exited from the earth. now it's back home again to say those last good-byes and i-love-yous.
death is an interesting thing. we hope our loved ones live on in another place. a beautiful, calm place. we are all energy and we don't really die, it's only the bodies that we inhabit for our time on earth. at least that's what i believe and there are many beliefs out there. as i stood next to her, even though she was out because of the morphine, i know she could hear me. little twitches and even smiles would show and that comforted me. pictures of my grandfather, baba, were next to her and i knew he was there. he was there waiting for her. waiting to ease her suffering. waiting so that their souls can be together forever. as i thought these things, i felt so many emotions: sadness, love and pain, but it was beautiful. it was peaceful. it was profound. being with death is a powerful thing because you think of your own mortality and those present in your life. you also think of those who have already transcended which can be good because it's undone grief.
i know she's at peace now. i know she's reunited with my grandfather and all her family and friends who, too have passed. what things can we do for ourselves during this time?
it's amazing how my appetite has decreased, even my water intake. i force myself to just do eat and drink because i know i have to. i know things will get easier no matter how long the funk is here. it's temporary and i will move through it. right now it's about moving through the funk no matter how thick, a sludgy it is. gotta get through the dark to get to light.
death is an interesting thing. we hope our loved ones live on in another place. a beautiful, calm place. we are all energy and we don't really die, it's only the bodies that we inhabit for our time on earth. at least that's what i believe and there are many beliefs out there. as i stood next to her, even though she was out because of the morphine, i know she could hear me. little twitches and even smiles would show and that comforted me. pictures of my grandfather, baba, were next to her and i knew he was there. he was there waiting for her. waiting to ease her suffering. waiting so that their souls can be together forever. as i thought these things, i felt so many emotions: sadness, love and pain, but it was beautiful. it was peaceful. it was profound. being with death is a powerful thing because you think of your own mortality and those present in your life. you also think of those who have already transcended which can be good because it's undone grief.
i know she's at peace now. i know she's reunited with my grandfather and all her family and friends who, too have passed. what things can we do for ourselves during this time?
it's amazing how my appetite has decreased, even my water intake. i force myself to just do eat and drink because i know i have to. i know things will get easier no matter how long the funk is here. it's temporary and i will move through it. right now it's about moving through the funk no matter how thick, a sludgy it is. gotta get through the dark to get to light.
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