New Year's goals (to start)

I like the word "goal" better than "resolution". I don't have a solid reason yet, but it just sounds better to me: 

1) To complete my willPower and Grace evaluation DVD and send it by January 21.

2) To complete the Massage Transfer Student application and mail/hand in/out by January 11.

3) To complete the NY State Office of Professions application for transfer of massage credits by January 11.

4) Put $20 or more into my financial freedom fund every paycheck.

(one more)

5) To provide self-care once a month for myself -- massage, pedicure, watch a movie, play a video game, take a bath, take a nap.

What are yours?

Follow up to previous blog: willPower and Grace goals

So....I've done pretty well in meeting my goals so WOO HOO! YEE HAA! YAY ME!

It's amazing how when we set our minds to something, things can happen.  Although, I haven't taught a full willPower & Grace class to anyone or myself, I HAVE taught the whole cardio section to myself and my hubby; and got to teach the whole warm-up to a class an instructor offered to me to teach.  So those two things are big milestones for what I had set here.  Also, right before the holidays too!

So I'm hoping now, before this year ends (and that's only 5 days away, people!), I will teach myself and/or anyone up to the Flexible Strength section. 

Is there anything you want to accomplish before the end of this year? Would love to hear :-)

willPower & Grace training goals for the rest of the month/year

There's a part of me that wants to beat myself up for not being super on with my training, and I don't want to do it!  That's such an old way of being for me and it sucks.  So as my due date 2/1/13 approaches (and it's not that far away!) to get the evaluation dvd in, I'm setting goals of how I want to be committed to the practice and teaching of willPower & Grace. This also keeps me accountable and really does work.  So here it goes:

1)  Practice willPower & Grace, either with DVD or go to class, 2 times a week;

2) Teach a section of the choreography to myself or to at least one person once a week;

3) Review choreography, either with dvd or manual.

Okay. I feel like those are definitely doable!  In the past, it was so easy for me to overwhelm myself over stuff like this.  What's cool now is that I actually say (and believe), "Who knows? I may even be able to teach a whole hour through before the year ends!", "What if I teach a section more than once a week?!"

How cool would that be?

Very.....

What if you had to?

Since I've moved back to the northeast, so many shifts have occurred.  I have felt the fear and the joy of it.  Within a month of moving, I got a full time job at a CPA firm as an Office Administrator; got a part time yoga teaching gig at Best Fitness; got invited to join a dance group; completed a fitness program; and now training to become a willPower & Grace instructor! Before I left San Francisco, I was so afraid I wasn't going to find ANY of these things and poof! See!

Yes, there has been self-doubt and fear.

Yes, there has been negative self-talk (aka mind chatter).

Yes, there have been moments when I wanted to throw in the towel.

But I've been finding more confidence in myself through the tough times.  I love all the things I'm doing, and when I don't feel like it, I know once I do, I'm going to feel better and so inspired to do more.  When I need support I know where to go and I receive it.  I allow myself to feel the not-so-nice feelings, so then I can move forward.  Instead of looking at it as a set back, I see it as a lesson or bump in the path.

In the willPower & Grace method, instructors ask their students the question, "what if you had to?"  For instance, if you're holding plank position and you have that moment where you just want to quit, what if you had to hold it just another breath or two.  Then you build that strength everytime you practice plank, and you will see how it supports you in your everyday life.  It's like yoga! Or any other mind-body practice. 

It's awesome! 

The pleasures of the present: How you can bring yourself back home

A quote by Lao Tzu really spoke to me yesterday, "If you are depressed, you are living in the past.  If you are anxious, you are living in the future.  If you are at peace, you are living in the present."

Definitely, easier said than done, I know.  But what if everyone could just for a moment, just be.  That would be wonderful!  Again, it's not an easy task for everyone, especially when you got a lot going on such as work, school, kids, family, bills, fun, etc.

Whenever I find myself anxious, depressed or in a fearful state, I try to remember to do the following:

1.  Stop and breathe.  If possible, I find a space to be alone (even if it's in the bathroom!).  I stand or sit and feel my feet touching the floor and wiggle my toes.  Then I work my up to my legs, hips, abdomen, chest, arms, hands, and all the up to my head.  From there I take a nice, deep belly breath.  If I'm overly anxious, my chest area may be tight, so I give myself a few breaths until I can reach my belly.  Rushing just makes it worse!

2.  After I feel more grounded and in my body, I think of something that IS working in my life NOW.  For example, I just leased a car; got a yoga teaching job; made a friend in dance class; or even getting laundry done.When we get anxious, we tend to go (as the quote says above) way ahead into the future and create a catastrophe or chaotic situation that we don't really want to happen anyway; if X doesn't get done, Y will happen.  So shoot for what you DO want to happen!

3.  If none of that works, I call a friend, a Life Coach, or someone that I can trust.  This isn't always easy for people either, because if you knew me well, in the past, I thought I had to figure everything out on my own.  Sometimes if we can't find a solution because we're too much in "our stuff" or our heads about something, it's great when an outside person can help reframe it for you and offer support.  Dwelling on the problem or situation isn't going to get you anywhere.  We tend to self-judge and be hard on ourselves. 

When we are present, everything is clear.  That doesn't mean it's always a happy time.  But if we can allow ourselves to be more present with the situations, feelings and experiences at hand, all the uncomfortable will pass more quickly and with ease.  We will be able to get to that joyful state faster because we've allowed ourselves to just be and nothing else.  Just at home within ourselves.

Do you find yourself dwelling somewhere in the past that's holding you back from what you want now? When something comes up, do you automatically jump to the worst case scenario and get stuck there? What do you do for yourself to come back to the present moment?

Butoh Workshop = Outrageously Transformational

Click here to read about the butoh workshop I attended last weekend.

It was "truly, truly outrageous", as Jem of the Holograms would say.  But it was also transformational beyond belief.  Holding eye contact and space with one other person can be very powerful.....

Check out my videos!

I started video blogs of my movement practice. Ideally, I would LOVE to do this weekly.

Click Here to view #1

Click Here to view #2

Enjoy and I welcome any comments or feedback :-)

At Home

As I practice yoga more and more these days, I love how my mind will connect to a body part and then figure out what else the body part can do while in the pose.

I've also realized how I practice regularly more when I'm going through transition.  Since relocating to Albany, NY, it's been quite a change of scenery.  I find that I write (and have written) a lot about change, shifts and transitions in my blog, or post/repost something on facebook about it.  I guess I'm just REALLY appreciating my yoga practice right now, and my intention within this transition is connection and compassion.

Connection is for connecting back into my body when I get too much in my head about things.  Compassion is for when I hit rough waters along the journey, so I can allow myself to feel the emotions, be okay with it, and move on.

I talked to a friend last night about how I want to step out of my comfort zone more.  Whether in baby steps or bigger steps, I want to grow in my creativity and community.  I'm thinking of ways I can do more of that.  For instance, I emailed a healing/yoga space about teaching yoga there and got a response from them wanting to meet me.  I also want to create more patience and trust as I put these desires out there into the Universe.  If it's something I really want and can visualize it, then I can trust it will show up.

I have also been dancing in the outdoors, which has reconnected me with nature.  Something I had wanted to do in the past, and now it's happening!

So as I connect with my surroundings and bring that onto the mat, I'm starting to feel more at home.  Home in the literal sense, but also more at home with myself.  Moving is a big change, and the compassion I hold for myself will make the transition a bit easier.

On that note, I am grateful.  Grateful for my fun and loving husband; Grandma for providing a warm, welcoming place to stay; yoga for it's healing tools; and the rain for its cleansing and purifying qualities.

Exercise and its purpose

Do you have or want a fitness routine?  When you fall off the wagon, what do you say to yourself? When you keep putting off starting a routine, what do you say to yourself?

It’s been proven in studies (time and time again) that exercise in any form can relieve stress, maintain a healthy weight and diet, improves sleep, reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety, and strengthen the heart.  For me, it definitely helps my mental and emotional well-being, as well as the physical.  I’m not a big “gym-goer”, so my fitness routine usually consists of yoga, dance (hip hop, and other forms), pilates, biking, walking, and other forms of cardio-conditioning. I love taking classes for the variety and the community.  

So why at times do I find myself beating myself up if I skip a day or two? The intention is there, but I think I forget why I really do it.  Why do I follow an exercise routine?

First off, I know it’s good for my health and physical body.  Physiologically, it’s great for circulation, respiration, digestion and the immune system.  It boosts my energy, so I can do the things I want to do.  It increases the serotonin levels in my brain to help keep me lively and upbeat throughout the day.  

Those are all great things!

But, again, why do I beat myself up if I skip a day or two?

I was on the phone with a friend, who had a similar situation.  She talked about why she makes herself be this “work-out queen.”  When she said that, a light went off and I could so relate to that statement.  While she continued to tell me about it, I began to realize that whenever I don’t feel like exercising or even while I’m exercising, my soul purpose is missing.  The reason why I do it anyway.  I also realized that I force myself sometimes and that really just makes me not want to do it even more.

These are all good questions to ask myself.  So, now, what can I do and say to myself when I start beating myself up?

Let me start with this instead: What do I WANT to say to myself?

-I am a healthy woman
-I am beautiful and perfect just the way I am
-I love and accept myself in all experiences, moods, and situations that may arise
-Exercise is creative and playful

Now, that makes me feel good. 

Shifting toward ease

Lots of shifts and transitions are happening for all.  It’s amazing what comes up in the midst of it all.

I will be relocating back to the east coast at the end of June.  This has been a desire for my husband and I ever since we moved out to the west coast back in 2003.  Although, we allowed ourselves to settle, get jobs, get married, try new things, fall down, get back up, and try another new thing, it’s time to move back and move on to the next chapter.  

Even though, we are moving back to an area that we spent most of our lives, it’s changed just as much (and even more) as we have.  

For the past month up to now, I’ve been letting go of A LOT of stuff.  As we de-clutter our apartment, I’m de-cluttering my whole being physically, emotionally/mentally, and spiritually.  I’m learning and relearning about myself.  One of things I’m grateful for is my yoga practice.  

I had realized that I hadn’t practiced for a longer period of time.  The most I was doing was 20 minutes here and 30 minutes there.  Then, one day,  I allowed myself to do almost 2 whole hours without realizing it, and so much healing occurred that was needed.

My yoga practice consisted of supported and restorative poses from a sequence out of one of BKS Iyengar’s books, “Yoga: The Path to Holistic Health”.  It was a sequence aimed at decreasing anxiety.  The sequence not only calmed my nervous system, it soften so many areas of my body, that I was able to release emotional tension that I was holding in.  Once I was able to let go, cry and laugh out some of this energy and tension, I felt movement and tingling throughout my body.  I knew I shedded and unloaded some old stuff because afterward, I felt clear, clean, and vibrant.  

We all hold old patterns or ways of being within us.  It’s usually held in the unconscious, and when we don’t deal with them or ignore them, they can work against us and keep us from moving forward in our life experience.  

So when we begin to look at these old patterns that aren’t serving us anymore, and catch them in the present moment, we can start to look at them at a distant and give them more space.  We can acknowledge the emotion(s) around these old patterns and the needs underneath them.  

For me, a lot of my emotional release was sadness and anger.  I was able to journal everything down, and realize that there was a need for acceptance, compassion, and ease, especially through my upcoming east coast move.  I also remembered other people showing up in my space, which were, mostly, other people’s beliefs and stories that I was holding as my own. Again, old patterns, but some of these can be others’ such as parents, teachers, friends, lovers, partners, etc.  

Are there certain words, phrases, or stories that you tell yourself frequently? Could they be keeping you from what you really want or to your most optimal health? Do areas of your body feel hard, tight, or blocked? What would happen and how would you feel if you could soften that area and feel more space?

The choice is always yours!

Pics from performance, "Awake"

Check out my photos from my most recent performance HERE

Is your life worth watching?

"One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching."
- Anon

Last week, when I came upon this quote, it helped ease some sadness.  I lost a very dear person to me.  Although, we hadn’t spoken in years, I always kept a warm place in my heart for him.  Then, finding out that he had battled an illness for years and lost was both surreal and shocking.  However, as I read his obituary, I had come to found out that he had a wife, two kids and continued to enjoy his love of music.  This part made the ache feel a bit better.  Matt was an amazing, energetic, and electric drummer, who had such a passion for playing and creating music.  He will be missed.  

Knowing (and feeling) that he lived a good, rich life eased the sadness I was feeling.

However, you really can get whacked in the face with your mortality when someone young and/or close to you dies, especially if you had a history with them.  I learned a lot from the relationship we shared, and it contributed so much to my personal growth in my present relationships, as well as with myself.  
The day after I found out he passed (which was a day after he literally left his body), I shot up in bed at 5:15am and sensed him.  He was on my mind, and I believe that when someone who has passed on fills your thoughts and vision, they are lingering there.  

It was a very profound, peaceful, and bittersweet moment.  Tears of sadness and joy washed over me and I knew I had to be present for these emotions.  Here.  Now.  I allowed myself to let go and say good-bye.  Although it hurt me, it comforted me at the same time.  

I knew he left happy and complete as he ever could be.  I’m sure as his life flashed before his eyes, he was like, “Damn.  That’s cool!”  I hope when my spirit moves on, I have feelings of love, compassion, acceptance and gratitude.  I know this can be a dark, and often, unpleasant subject for some, but when loved ones pass on, it should be a time for celebrating their life.  We must embrace all the feelings that arise and not rush through them.   

It’s a process.  And, with like most processes, they need attention.  Sometimes, there are processes that are more painful and difficult.  So that’s why family, friends, and a supportive community can help ease you along the way.  

I'm grateful for what I have in my life -- people, experiences, even jobs!  

What are you grateful for RIGHT NOW in this MOMENT?  What if you knew you didn't have a moment left?  What would you do? Say?


Good food for thought.....

Lean into the Expansion

"Growth demands a temporary surrender of security."- Gail Sheehy




This quote revealed something to me today.  Although, I already knew what it was, it really brought it in the present moment for me.  



It reminds me of when, in the past, I chose to stay in the familiar, safe place, so I didn’t have to feel uncomfortable.  Then I would wonder why I was anxious all the time.  Of course, there were a lot of reasons and stories involved.  The main reason was I had a need for growth and expansion.  I didn’t realize I had a lot of to offer to others.  I also didn’t realize how hard I was on myself.  That if I tried that and it didn’t work out, I was a failure.  That it was the end-all, be-all of my existence if I did that or even tried it.  



For instance, playing board games.  You would think, board games are pretty fun. You enjoy some and don’t enjoy some.  So, what’s the big deal about playing a board game, Liz?  Well, it was a big deal to me a few years ago.  I hated losing.  I had this story that if I lost a game, I wasn’t good enough or stupid.  I remember as a little kid, playing lots of games and enjoyed it a lot.  But I know in all the personal growth and healing I have done, it took only one event that would turn me away from playing games forever.  



I have a big family, and one side are VERY competitive when it comes to games.  After holiday meals or other celebration meals, we would play some type of board game.  About 15-20 minutes into it, everyone is yelling at each other or putting each other down for something.  I know now a lot of it was their own stuff, especially when you have brothers, sisters, grandchildren and parents involved in the game.  The moments for me were when if you made a mistake with your move or answered the wrong trivia question, you got put down.  Now, there is a fun, light way of doing this, but certain family members didn’t always do it that way.  It happened frequently, and I began to take it all personally.  I’m a sensitive person, and as a young person, I didn’t have the tools to guard myself or be compassionate toward myself, and that it really is just a game.  



So I ended up creating the story that board games and games in general were JUST NOT FUN.  
However, deep down, I knew this wasn’t true. In fact, when I chose to opt out of a game and just watch, I could feel my inner child screaming, “I wanna play! It’s fun!”.  But it was the other part of me that protected and guarded myself from the losing part, when losing is really all about learning!



Ding!  I won there!  How can you learn anything new without trying? I tried yoga. Love it.  Went through teacher training, and now teach it.  Yes, I went through lots of trial and error work, because that was the only way I was going to find out if something worked or not.  I used to beat myself up, if one student out of the whole group came once and never came back.  But, in the grand scheme of it all, look at how many DO show up.  



Gosh! It’s amazing what the ego can say to us.  Not that it’s always bad.  All of the strategies we performed in order to survive through something or with someone, worked! At least at one point.  But, if it’s a coping strategy or story that isn’t serving us anymore NOW,  then why hold onto it?  



When something doesn’t work for us anymore, don’t we seek solutions toward changing it?  
What is it doing for us now?  Do we still get the same results?  Is it allowing us to move toward what we really want and desire? Is it helping us succeed in our relationships, jobs, businesses, and families?



So, if you begin to move out of your comfort zone, notice what comes up.  If it’s something you truly, deeply want, then do it.  Lean into the expansion, instead of pushing against it.  

Tamano Butoh Workshop

TAMANO-­-BUTOH
Japan~Origin-Performing Arts
Fridays, March 16, 23, 30, April 6, 13
7:00pm-10:00pm
$25/class or $100 for 5 classes



Workshop taught by:

Koichi Tamano joined Tatsumi Hijikata's studio (Asbestos-kan) in 1965. Hijikata's most fruitful production period, Mr. Tamano had been the lead dancer on stage. He will supervise these workshops.

Hiroko Tamano joined Hijikata's studio in 1972. Her experience on stage and daily life are the seeds of her Butoh. She will lead these workshops.


BUTOH sprouted in Japan after World War II against the westernization deforming their culture.

BUTOH is considered a contemporary performing art but its roots are imbedded with ancient wisdom and philosophy. Because of that, BUTOH has spread all over the world, putting roots down globally.

BUTOH is the first global performing art which human beings are sharing together.

BUTOH founder Tatsumi Hijikata said, "First of all, Dancers are people who are involved in the creation of space that is bigger than any other, called derangement."

Contact information: butohtama@gmail.com

Finding light in those dark places

Being okay in the darkness is not always an easy task. Were you ever afraid of the dark as a child? When you didn’t have that night-light, what did you (or your parents) do to make you feel safe? Sometimes we had our stuffed animals, a specific toy or another favorite object that we kept nearby the bed.

Then we got older, and we may not always need those certain objects or toys because we may have learned that once you get to a certain age, there’s no reason to be afraid of the dark. So what does dark mean anyway?

Taken from the good ‘ol Merriam-Webster definition, here are a couple: devoid or partially devoid of light : not receiving, reflecting, transmitting, or radiating light ; arising from or showing evil traits or desires. Although these can be compared to the physical side of things, it can also be transmitted to emotions and thoughts.

The first definition really resonates with a recent experience I had a couple weeks ago. I was depressed, and depression is something I know very well. I have been treated for both depression and anxiety, where both go hand-in-hand a little “too” well. I would always have one and then the other would join in. I would get panic attacks, and then after coming down, I would feel worthless, sad, and lonely. I felt like I was the ONLY one with this problem, until I started going to a therapist and began seeing the “light” more. As always, I have to thank my yoga training, holistic health and bodywork training because a lot of my anxiety and depression stemmed from being in my head ALL THE TIME.

So, I was having one-of-those-days. In this case, it felt like one-of-those-MANY-days. I started having thoughts about my purpose in this life: “what am I doing with my life?” “Since I’m not doing massage or a, b, or c, what’s my purpose?” Then, the thoughts started getting, yep you guessed it, dark. Also negative, “I’m going to be stuck in this job for the rest of my life”, “I’ve wasted my life”, “I don’t deserve it”, “I’m not good enough”, etc., etc., etc. You can see where this was going.

During a trip to the grocery store with my husband, all of sudden, my vision began to get wavy and spotty all around until all I had was tunnel vision. I also started getting a pounding headache. I felt really weird too. Something was not right. The headache got worse, but the vision returned to normal, so we finished and went home. As I was finishing up in the bathroom, my nose and left side of my face started to tingle and become numb. Then it traveled to my left arm and that’s when I started to panic. Heart Attack and Stroke went off like an alarm that you couldn’t put on snooze.

As I spoke to my husband and did all the tests you do for stroke (smile, stick out tongue, etc.), the tingling and numbness left my face and arm, and continued to travel down the left side of my body down into my thigh. I couldn’t walk very well on that side as I paced my living room, trying to calm down. After 5-8 minutes, it stopped, but I was still shook up. My headache was completely gone too. I was scared and confused. I made an appointment with my doctor. Since this resembled a migraine with aura, and I’ve never had a history of them, she ordered a MRI of the brain to rule everything out. Yay. I was thrilled. This totally eased my anxiety even more! She explained it was a routine procedure, but my thoughts couldn’t help, but to go to the worse case scenario. Who wouldn’t?!

I continued to dig a deeper, darker hole of self-loathing. I started getting harder on myself about that. Then these thoughts joined in, “ you have a brain tumor”, “it’s all your fault”, “you’re not taking care of yourself very well“ “if you feel this way or think these thoughts, no one is going to like you”, “no one loves you”, “if you share to others what you’re going through, you’re going to ruin their day.” I know! It’s pretty harsh. An old, past, harsh way of being. I knew I had to turn it around, but it was really hard.

I was in a dark place, and instead of allowing myself to just be with the feelings, I resisted it all. Instead of inquiring and looking at these thoughts and feelings at a distance, I made myself wrong.


Why do we do that?


Well, like I mentioned earlier, the thoughts or what I like to call, “the mind chatter”, said, “if you feel this way or think these thoughts, no one is going to like you”. When I was in middle school, I really believed this thought because, in those times, most kids at that age, want and desire acceptance, which definitely trickles into high school (but that’s a different story). Then, as I got older, those strategies and beliefs really didn’t serve me anymore. However, as I was going through this episode, though I was very aware of it, I had a need to be safe, and this old strategy kicked in to provide it.

It really is beautiful and all perfect. That’s the paradox. I know that now, and at least I can acknowledge it. I sought support and help from my therapist, a life coach, and friends and family. The best tools ever.

So, even though, we may be feel down, sad, “down in the dumps”, or even depressed, it’s important to acknowledge these feelings and really be kind to yourself. Perhaps we need some time to ourselves, or we may need the company of those that we love and trust. We are human. We get angry, sad, overwhelmed, anxious, excited, and happy. We feel things. Sometimes they may not be such warm, fuzzy ones. It’s the uncomfortable ones that we need to pay EXTRA special attention to. These are the ones that tell us something is “off the grid” or unfamiliar. Pay attention.

What do you do when you’re having “a day”? A day when you feel it’s all falling apart. Do you withdraw and keep to yourself because you feel like a bad person for feeling that way? Or, do you confide to a friend, partner, or other support system?

The more we listen to and be with these thoughts and feelings without judgement, and with more compassion and understanding, they linger less and move on. We may go back and forth from the dark to the light, but that’s life. Is life always perfect? Where there’s dark, there’s light. You can’t have the Yin without the Yang.

Remember, you always have a choice. A choice to change your perspective, and step MORE toward your light.

Butoh Performance: "Another Series of Circles" this Sunday!

An evening of Butoh and Butoh-inspired performance Another Series Of Circles

This episode presents new work by Liz Filippone and Bob Webb

Sunday, March 11th
9pm
$10-15
tickets at the door

Subterranean Arthouse
2179 Bancroft Way
Berkeley, CA
www.subterraneanarthouse.org


Liz Filippone, RYT, CMT has been studying dance and movement for over 20 years. She is a San Francisco-based Performance Artist inspired by butoh, physical theater, yoga, and holistic bodywork. She began her butoh training in 2002 with Kitsunebutoh and has also trained & worked with Paige Starling Sorvillo/Blindsight, Shinichi Iova-Koga, Hiroko Tamano, Minako Seki, The Black Stone Ensemble, Diego Pinon, and Katsura Kan. Check out her website: www.movingyogi.com.

Bob Webb likes to divide his time more or less equally between dance and theatre, with the odd opera, rave, and/or street performance thrown in for good measure. He makes most of his living as a stage manager and is an Equity actor. But his true love is Butoh (he feels there are many matters in life more important than paying rent). He has danced with many Butoh companies, most notably: Harupin-Ha (with Koichi and Hiroko Tamano, his teachers for over 12 years), Saltimbanques (with Katsura Kan), Black Stone Ensemble, Barely Human Dance Theatre, Raw Egg, Metropolitan Butoh, Peace Dreams, ButohSanFrancisco (also co-producer), and his own company Bare Bones Butoh. He has performed all over the U.S. (including Hawaii), Mexico, France, Germany, Holland, Spain, Japan, Malaysia, India, and Thailand. He produces the Bare Bones Butoh Presents Showcases, which happen roughly every three months in San Francisco. These Showcases function as a performance platform for Butoh, Performance Art, and Ritual Performance. Other companies he's worked with include: The Todd Courage Group, Dandelion Dance Theatre, Anna Halprin, Inkboat, Word for Word, Deborah Slater Dance Theatre, Campo Santo, Right Brain Performance Lab, Dance Continuum, the SF International Butoh Festival, Magic Theatre, Lines Ballet, Traveling Jewish Theatre, Huckaby/McAllister Dance, Encore Theatre, Kunst-Stoff, Quixotic Productions, EmSpace Dance, Foghouse Productions, Smuin Ballets/SF, the Oregon Shakespeare Festival, Eugene Opera, Portland Opera, Oregon Repertory Theatre, Eugene Ballet...oh, the list just goes on and on. When not on or behind a stage, he reads a lot, models for artists, and spends as much time as possible outside with a pack on his back.

Musings on rehearsing and dance

I wanted to share my recent musings with my Performance Art HERE.

To sum up a little, I started rehearsal today pretty frustrating. I was way to in my head and not really present. How are ideas going to flow with ease if I'm not present? Read how I got myself out of it :-)

What butoh is for me...at this point

See what I've been up to in my butoh practice and teaching HERE.

It's been such an amazing time to be able to practice butoh and other movement exercises. I feel like I'm reconnecting to an old friend or a past life. It's a time to play, investigate, inquire, transform, create new work, and cleanse. I find butoh very therapeutic for me, which is why I've never stopped doing it because I always want to see what it has to show me next. It opens the channels, frees up space, and may even answer some questions. Or, it's just another way to move my body, in addition to yoga. I feel butoh isn't about technique. It's about everything. Everything about yourself and your body. The way it moves and feels its surroundings. There's no right or wrong way to do it. It can be on a subtle (external) level and/or deep (internal) level. It's really up to the practitioner.

That's what makes it so fun. So come play soon!

Moving on to new ventures

It's a time for change and that's what this year has been about. I'm officially taking a break from yoga teaching and massage, and focusing more on my dance and movement. This is something that always pops up for me when I have one of those, "what the hell am I doing?" moments. I will still continue my yoga practice and I know, one day, I will go back to massage, but right now the movements arts are calling me. My creativity needs to be seen, so I started teaching some movement classes to friends to try out my 10-20 years of experience.

It feels great. It feels all me.

So why this shift?

So for the past month, I have been facing some limitations in my body. A month before that, I was in denial. As a yoga teacher and massage therapist, I am body conscious. But I’m starting to realize we can’t always be body conscious 24/7 no matter how much we want to be. When we injure, twinge, twang, or tweek a part of our body, it’s a sign that we may need to slow down a bit.

“Slowing down” is a phrase that used to NOT be in my vocabulary (just ask my husband). If you know me well, in the past, I was one to do, Do, DO! Although I think I was, I don’t think I took many deep breaths.

Currently, I know my Sacroiliac (SI) joint on the left side (back of pelvis) is misaligned/de-stabilized and my right elbow gives some grief, especially when I do downward facing dog. So how did this happen? I know either in a massage session, yoga class, or in my own personal yoga practice, I let my posture go for a split second somewhere and voila! But, the elbow is coming along; however the SI joint still talks to me. Let me emphasize “talks”, as oppose to “screams.” I’m so glad it doesn’t scream at me, so I’m grateful for that. I gotta find something positive out of this.

I am working with a wonderful, experienced Iyengar Yoga teacher, which has been helping tremendously! I’m now looking into Chiropractic work, and will be adding more bodywork for myself monthly.

The biggest shift I had to face was taking a solid break from giving massage regularly and yoga teaching. Once I made this decision, a weight lifted and I could feel my body respond with a big sigh of relief. This is a milestone! “SHIFT HAPPENS!” as one of my good friends says. We all have to take a moment and ask ourselves, “what do I need to do right now to take care of myself?” "What needs to change in order for me to be happy and balanced?"

I asked myself this question and the answer came immediately. I have always had a need for balance, but my ego always told me otherwise. But this time, I didn’t feel anxious, worried, or concerned about anything or anybody. All I cared about was me, my physical and emotional health. If others seriously have a problem with that, too bad.

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by your current schedule? Do you feel scattered, tired/drained, or anxious about getting it all done?

If you have/are, close your eyes, and take a deep belly breath. Notice your feet on the ground,body sensations and sounds around you. After about 30-60 seconds, open your eyes, and take note of how you feel in that moment.

Our body's tell us what's really going on. Our minds only analyze and justify why we should or shouldn't be a certain way.

Be the amazing, powerful person you want to be because you already are.

Teaching butoh

I have been teaching butoh and movement classes and I want to share my experience this far. Click HERE to read my post in my Movement blog. It's been a great experience sharing all the content I've collected in my training and I'm so happy to see others enjoy it.