National Revolt Against TSA – National Opt Out Day Nov. 24th

I read this post from a list I subscribe to, The Eco-Herbalista. They shared the referenced article below, which is about a revolt against TSA, the security team you encounter at the airport before getting to your gate. It really made me feel disgusted, uncomfortable, violated, and helpless. The fact that they're doing everything they can to have passengers go through a Naked Body Scanner, which exposes you to radiation; and/or a "pat down", which enables them to even touch sexual organs!

But as I read on, I felt a little more empowered by what we can do to take action. It really comes down to using your voice and being as authentic in your position as possible, especially if you feel this violates your human rights. One of things the TSA officers may do if you choose to Opt Out is to make an example of you to create fear for the other passengers. Click on the link below to read about their agenda.

I urge you to read this article because I feel apart of our human rights is being violated tremendously. As much as I want to be safe when traveling by airplane, I feel this is going a little too far.

National Revolt Against TSA – National Opt Out Day Nov. 24th

Taking a time-out

I know I've probably blogged about this in the past, but it's come up again, and it must be acknowledged.

I had gotten back into the habit of overloading my schedule. The alarm that went off was my low-energy, and being too-tired-to-do-the-fun-things-I-want-to-do! I have to thank my husband for pointing this out to. Thank you, Joe! I love you!

I really don't know why I fell back into the habit/pattern again. I began putting too high of expectations onto myself to get things done. I overestimated my time and energy because I was so happy with completing my massage program. Although, I have finished all my classroom hours and more than half of my clinic hours, it made me want to be Speedy Gonzalez about it! I'm not young nor old for that matter, but my pace in certain areas have changed and I need to honor that. I still work the 9-5 M-F job, and I need to decompress from that as well.

But I find it interesting that there was this part of me resisting to step back. This "old" part of me saying, "If you stop doing it, you're a failure"; "If you take a break, you'll lose the skills you learned"; "There's not enough time, so I should just quit." In the past, I used to think that was true, but now, it's total BULLSHIT! Thank you chatter for sharing all that! My conscious self distinguished it from what is really true, that there's plenty of time; I'm completing the program in a healthy way; and I am a great teacher and massage therapist! Of course, in the moment, it was confusing me when I was hearing this chatter because I really knew it wasn't true in my heart.

It's difficult to bring yourself out of the negative. I'm so grateful for the support I have around me because I really couldn't have done it without them. Sometimes you need that certain person to put it to another way, and BOOM! It all makes sense. I'm grateful for my yoga and meditation practice because it allowed to go inside myself, where the answers are. I feel a more sense of ease in my body; grounded; and compassion.

I create my path.

Yoga teaches awareness

I really appreciate this article because I've been SOOOOOOO aware of my emotions. I'm discovering new possibilities within myself, while listening to the chatter, and feeling the emotions that come up. Yep, that's a lot. But it's okay. I thank yoga for guiding me. I don't know what I would do without it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(From YogaJournal.com Daily Insight)

Awareness Techniques

Usually, the first way Westerners learn to build awareness in yoga is by practicing the poses. But the myriad instructions heard in class aren't just designed to improve your asanas. They give your busy mind something to focus on and therefore keep you in the present moment. For people with anxiety, this is a particular blessing.

Complex instructions also force you to tune in to the subtle shifts occurring in your body. As you become more aware of these changes, you'll begin to notice subtle alterations in your mind and in your mood, too. You'll feel in a tangible way how the body and mind are connected.

As you continue to hone moment-to-moment awareness of your body, breath, emotions, and thoughts in your yoga practice, you'll bring that awareness to your daily life. When you're paying attention, you're more in touch with your thoughts and feelings as they arise in the moment, which is half the battle of resolving them. In other words, when you're able to identify that something is wrong, you can address that particular issue in the moment, rather than ignoring it and unleashing it later in some painful way.

Read the full articles:

* Feel Happier (http://www.yogajournal.com/lifestyle/2562)
* Asanas for Anxiety http://www.yogajournal.com/health/2085

break through

I can't believe how long it's been since I've written in my blog. I felt like I always had something to say, express, announce, and/or rant about. October was rich with a lot of emotion, so I know I was feeling it, and emotion can't always be put into words. I would just rather not even attempt to write about it.

I felt a breakthrough, especially around my 5th chakra (throat area=communication). In the past, this area was blocked-severely-which led me to believe that's why I clench my jaw and need to wear a mouthguard at night. One morning I felt a release in this area and it was intense. I was angry, sad, and confused, and I was having a difficult time communicating it to my husband. I had a moment alone when all I wanted to do was slam the glass I was holding against the wall. Rationally, I knew this wasn't a good idea at 7:15 in the morning. So I put it down, took a deep breath, and sat down on the couch. As I continued to breath with the emotions, I felt it rise up from my stomach, into my chest and stop at my throat and jaw. My jaw began to vibrate! Literally, I felt it! Then I proceeded to punch pillows and the couch, crying and wailing like a child. Things began to move. My feet and toes were tingling.

After I had my moment, I began to talk to my husband. I was able to clearly communicate what I was feeling (keep in mind I couldn't talk to him for a couple days!) and why I couldn't talk to him. I was confused about being confused, angry and sad. I had to allow myself to process and be with it, and trust that an answer would come within. And it did.

Ever since then, things have continued to move. I finally completed my last massage modality, Reflexology, and I'm moving more and more toward what I want. I can feel it and feels great!

I feel more trust within myself, which has allowed me to trust others, and in certain situations. I trust more in that things work themselves out. It may take time, but it's this "allowing" that keeps it flowing.

Bare Bones Butoh Presents: Showcase 19

BARE BONES BUTOH PRESENTS: SHOWCASE 19
A Benefit for Bare Bones Butoh itself.

And A WORKSHOP WITH VISITING GUEST ARTIST LORI OHTANI of TANGENTZ BUTOH from HAWAII


WHEN:
Performances: Friday Nov 5, 2010, and Saturday, Nov 6, 2010
Both performances are at 8:00 pm

Workshop: Sunday, Nov 7, 2010
From 10:00 am to 1:00 pm


WHERE:
Both performances and the workshop will be held at
Studio 210
3435 Cesar Chavez St
San Francisco, CA 94110
Studio 210 is located in the former Sears Building, inset from the corner of Cesar Chavez and Valencia Street. Accessible by: BART - 24th St Station: and MUNI - #12, #27, #14, #49.


TICKETS:
Performances: $5-$20 sliding scale. No one turned away for lack of funds.
Additional donations are graciously accepted and gratefully appreciated.

Workshop: $40
All proceeds from this workshop go to the teacher, Lori Ohtani, in order to help defray her travel costs. Please see below for more info on the workshop.


WHO:
This time around, the performers are:
Ronnie Baker, Zoe Bender (Friday only), Christina Braun (Saturday only), Deborah Butler (Friday only), Darya Chernova (Friday only), Kristen Greco (Saturday only) Chrysalis Hyron (Saturday only), Erika Mark (Friday only), Lori Ohtani, Liz Saari-Filippone (Friday only), and Bob Webb

Surprise guest artists may well also be performing. There are often last minute additions (local, national, and international artists) to the programing, it's that kind of show.

The workshop will be taught by Lori Ohtani, our guest from Hawaii

WHAT:
Bare Bones Butoh Presents is a performance showcase for local, national, and International artists working in the areas of butoh, performance art, and/or ritual performance. It exists for artists to try out new material, show works in process, hone improvisational chops, and redo or revisit previous material. Bare Bones Butoh Showcases employ the grassroots ethic of working together to sustain an artistic culture.

The minimal fee the audience pays at the door allows the Showcases to function as a fundraising platform which supports local Butoh and Performance Artists. Every Bare Bones Butoh Presents show has been a Benefit Performance for an individual or group within the Butoh/Performing Arts community in need. Bare Bones Butoh Showcase 19 is no exception. All proceeds from these performances go towards the organization itself. Sometimes you've got to feed the kitty to keep the purr going. Please feel free to donate as much as you wish.

A Bare Bones Butoh Showcase is community building and performance all smushed together into two evenings.
Thank you for your time, and we hope to see you there.

WORKSHOP:
"Abstracting the Essence" Explore unique body vocabulary through Butoh. Butoh training utilizes imagery and words to help excavate memories and physicalize the inner landscapes within your body"s potential. From this starting point the body is free to interpret a new form of life.
Our class will begin with a moderate physical warm-up leading to what I call neutral walk exercises to develop a strong focus. We will then modify these basic walking exercises to assist us in fine tuning our sensory and spatial awareness, i.e. the feet (sole of the foot) as a vital housing of many nerve cell points, and changing our various perspectives of seeing oneself in the space we are moving. Through our modified walking we will deconstruct and slowly build (little by little) how your body seeks its own unique way of moving, and how it naturally accommodates itself when different forms of limitations, words, and imagery are placed on its existing structure.

Lori Ohtani is a Sansei born and raised on the island of Oahu. She was originally trained as a visual artist, receiving her BFA in painting and sculpture from the Univ of Hawaii at Manoa in 1981. As an abstract artist with a background in Jazz and Modern dance she was drawn to the strongly visual imagery of Butoh dance. An original and former member (1989-1993) of then named Iona Pear Dance Theater - Lori has been practicing the art of Butoh for 21 years, and is presently Artistic Director of Tangentz Performance Group, which she founded in 1994. She has studied with Butoh Masters Katsura Kan, Hiroko and Koichi Tamano, Mitsutaka Ishii, Yukio Waguri, Akira Kasai, Yumiko Yoshoioka, Masahide Omori, BW training with Naoko Maeshiba, and in Japan with Butoh cofounder, Kazuo Ohno and his son Yoshito. As a solo artist, and with Tangentz, she has taught workshops, and performed throughout Hawaii, the mainland US, Canada, and Japan. Keeping in touch with her visual arts roots she has shown her performance art pieces and visual artwork in group exhibits throughout Hawaii since 1995, and became a member of a visual artists group named COJWIA (Coalition of Japanese Women in Art) in 2003. Butoh dance remains her main passion and a major source of inspiratioan in her life and art.


Further info:
Bob Webb
bobwebb20@hotmail.com
510-284-7025

Anger-sadness-anger-sadness-anger-sadness......

What a powerful emotion. I've been in the thick of it for the past few days, and it does what it usually does: bouncing back and forth to sadness. So many things have surfaced from my past, I don't know if it's just random memories or things that were unresolved that I need to resolve with myself or with that person I wronged in some way. I know you can't forgive someone, unless you forgive yourself first. It's SOOOOO HARD! I feel I'm close, but then something fogs up my vision and I fall back to that dark place. Depression.

It's very draining. I'm so aware of my emotions and where they're coming from. It's hard to articulate that to people sometimes, especially those close to you. Although, I can't control how others react, I still want them to know that I'm JUST angry and it's nothing on them.

Right now, I feel so done with this (as stated in my previous post) because it's so draining. In the past, I used to hold lots of anger inside my body, which came out in not so great ways. Now that my body has let go of that strategy, the emotion has to come out! Of course this is a good thing and I would much rather have it this way.

I guess my drainage is from the fluctuations from anger to sadness over and over. In my experience, sadness has always followed anger, and vice versa. Lately, it's been bouncing off each other like a raquetball gone wild in the court. When will that ball slow down? What's setting it off? Last night before falling asleep, all these memories of an ex-boyfriend came into my conscious. He was my first love, and when he broke up with me, I was so heart-broken I really felt lost. I couldn't stop caling him, and when I would see him, I was a total bitch. I was only 14 at the time and he was 17. He was so sweet to me in our relationship, even up until he broke up with me. He had no direction, no goals, and he had just graduated high school. He didn't want to hold me back. Although he explained it to me at the time, I couldn't help but think it was me. Something was wrong with me. I personalized it and blamed myself, which, OMG! I pretty much did in every relationship after that! HA HA! LOL!

Wow, it's amazing what writing can do :-)

I know this connects to a lot of things I'm still processing and working through. I'm shedding the layers; releasing things that don't serve me anymore. It's grief. Grief over losses in my life that had left me confused, lost, and uncertain. It still amazes me how one little thing can trigger such a big thing inside you. How it can take you back to the source, the cause, the root. This makes me think about Buddhism and the concept of suffering (but I'm not going to go there right now).

Seriously, Wow! It's amazing what writing can do.

Stories

I'm amazed at how many stories I have about people, things, places, and myself. It's interesting how you create a story about why something is so and it follows you through your life. A story could have been created when you were a child because whatever was happening at that time, you only had so many ways to make sense of it. Then as you got older, the stories manifested into something else. Most of the time, not in such a healthy way. My current story that keeps haunting me is "I don't belong" and "No one likes me." I know deep down, consciously, that it's not true. So why does it keep showing up. What have I NOT resolved here? This story shows up in most areas of my life: work, teaching, performance. It comes up in performance when an application I submit doesn't get accepted; or at work when everyone goes out to lunch without asking me, even though I work with them. It's hard not to play the blame-game. Again, I know they're not bad people, and I try to JUST accept it, but if it goes deep and triggers emotion, I'm sorry! You all suck!

I have to laugh because I'm curious as to why this keeps showing up in my life. I'm trying to learn why. I REALLY AM!!!!!!! Sometimes I don't want to, and would just like some peace about it. There's that saying (and book), "Don't sweat the small stuff". But what I learned in my coaching program and from therapy sessions, if something charges you that much, pay attention to it! Especially if you get emotional.

I really am SOOOO done with it.