This past week, my energy has felt pretty drained. But I feel today I'm slowly getting it back. I have so much going on right now, my body is telling me to stop. I love massage school, but working full time and choreographing a new dance piece is leaving me with no time to myself or with my hubby and loved ones in my life. I know we have to make sacrifices, in order to have what we want, but if you're getting physically ill or breaking down emotionally, there's gotta be a point to STOP! Let's be with what's happening. I had a "Ah Ha" moment yesterday with a coworker as I was talking about it. In the past, I've been hard on myself when I wasn't able to complete something. I would push myself that at times I would get sick or resentful of what I was doing. There were so many times when I just wanted to quick doing yoga, but another part of me was saying that it's okay to feel that way. Why don't I just take a break? I'm learning my limits and boundaries this week. In other words, it's important to take care of ourselves and if we need to slow down it's okay. It's accepting how far one can go and just being with that. It's also okay to ask for support from others. You don't have to do it all on your own. I do this in my yoga practice and when I teach others in poses. Hey, why don't I just practice it into my daily life!?! Duh! LOL.
I'm glad I can laugh about it now because in the past, I would just dwell in it. I have acknowledged what I'm grateful for and that's what matters:
I'm grateful for my health, my job, my career path, my husband, friends, family, my life experiences, this computer I'm using to type this, the food I ate for breakfast, the sun, and all earthly creations!
Just doing that brought my energy up. I want to bask in joy!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
Healing through Performance Work
I had a wonderful rehearsal yesterday! I felt so productive and organized. Not so easy to do when you're working on a solo. I feel like I have a title developing as well, "Bardos" or "The Bardos of the Self". In a way I don't want the title to be too long but say a lot. The whole concept and title of the show is "Limbo: What happens between" which says a lot. My interpretation, especially for my piece, is that we've all been in a "limbo" in our lives--struggle, conflict, depression, joy, happiness, fear, purgatory--whether good or bad. We've felt it and experienced it. I know for the past 2 or 3 years I've been having many limbos! Now that I'm so conscious and aware of them, I'm going back to those places and playing! It's been difficult and refreshing at the same time. There's no black and white all the time. There is gray, and it's up to us to acknowledge that and just accept it.
I'm videotaping my run-throughs too that way I have sections to work with. I worked on the beginning yesterday which is very soft. It's as if my body was bouncing through nothing with no resistance and full control. Then as the 2nd track started, I started to react in different ways to the space and environment. As if the environment was like a random weather pattern-a little breezy to windy to choppy high winds. Then I would crouch down for cover and slowly walk through it all as if I was being watched. but by who? Then there is everything and everyone before me. I look down to see a mirror (face down) on the ground. I slowly pick it up with curiosity. As I turn it to my reflection, I'm horrified, and filled with fear. Is that really me? Is that the truth? What is that? Who is that? What is that person doing with their life? Those questions we ask ourselves when we're stuck in a rut. They can be so painful and intense sometimes. In my experience, they were very painful and self-judgmental. My body relives it in this piece. It's very emotional but so healing.
I'm videotaping my run-throughs too that way I have sections to work with. I worked on the beginning yesterday which is very soft. It's as if my body was bouncing through nothing with no resistance and full control. Then as the 2nd track started, I started to react in different ways to the space and environment. As if the environment was like a random weather pattern-a little breezy to windy to choppy high winds. Then I would crouch down for cover and slowly walk through it all as if I was being watched. but by who? Then there is everything and everyone before me. I look down to see a mirror (face down) on the ground. I slowly pick it up with curiosity. As I turn it to my reflection, I'm horrified, and filled with fear. Is that really me? Is that the truth? What is that? Who is that? What is that person doing with their life? Those questions we ask ourselves when we're stuck in a rut. They can be so painful and intense sometimes. In my experience, they were very painful and self-judgmental. My body relives it in this piece. It's very emotional but so healing.
Connect through Community
What a concept! I wish I had more time on my hands to create a spiritual community, but I know in a way I already have. I know I have connections with like-minded beings and it's very strong. I would love to create a way to bring them all together and share about life. I know why I'm so busy these days, but is everyone conscious of it? I didn't use to be and then it was a slap in the face when I figured out why. I realized I needed people as much as they needed me. We all need each other! We need the support, love, friendship, companionship, relationship, connection, community, gatherings! I feel like a lot of us "break down" because we don't get enough of it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(From yogajournal.com daily insight)
As social creatures, humans benefit from turning our sociability to higher ends. The Buddha, after all, did make the sangha, the spiritual community, one of the three cornerstones of his path; and Christ told his disciples, "When two or more are gathered in my name, there am I in the midst of them." As these words imply, a group practicing together creates a mystical field, a field of grace. The Sanskrit name for that phenomenon is satsang, usually translated as "truth-company," or being in the company of the wise. And satsang, according to several texts of yoga, is one of the great doorways to inner freedom. As is the case with meditation and asana, the more you practice satsang, the more likely you are to experience its power—and you don't have to join an existing community in order to do this. Some of the most powerful satsangs are the ones we create informally.
An informal satsang group should be small—five to seven is a good number, and you can easily form one with three, two, or even just one other person. All it takes is (1) a decision to have a spiritual dialogue; (2) some sublime and true words to spark your insight; and (3) a shared agreement on the ground rules.
IN THIS ISSUE
Come Together
http://www.yogajournal.com/wisdom/2302
Community Support
http://www.yogajournal.com/lifestyle/1020
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(From yogajournal.com daily insight)
As social creatures, humans benefit from turning our sociability to higher ends. The Buddha, after all, did make the sangha, the spiritual community, one of the three cornerstones of his path; and Christ told his disciples, "When two or more are gathered in my name, there am I in the midst of them." As these words imply, a group practicing together creates a mystical field, a field of grace. The Sanskrit name for that phenomenon is satsang, usually translated as "truth-company," or being in the company of the wise. And satsang, according to several texts of yoga, is one of the great doorways to inner freedom. As is the case with meditation and asana, the more you practice satsang, the more likely you are to experience its power—and you don't have to join an existing community in order to do this. Some of the most powerful satsangs are the ones we create informally.
An informal satsang group should be small—five to seven is a good number, and you can easily form one with three, two, or even just one other person. All it takes is (1) a decision to have a spiritual dialogue; (2) some sublime and true words to spark your insight; and (3) a shared agreement on the ground rules.
IN THIS ISSUE
Come Together
http://www.yogajournal.com/wisdom/2302
Community Support
http://www.yogajournal.com/lifestyle/1020
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Be Kind, Don't Rewind
I'm very inspired by this article. It's rekindled my interest in yogic philosophy. From all the work I've done on myself over the years, I feel I can finally understand and resonate completely with this body of knowledge. We all have these mental and emotional patterns called samskaras (yogic text) which is another way of saying that negative self-talk or mind chatter. It's those same things that you tell yourself over and over again--self-judgements, judgements of others, low self-esteem, etc. But we're not always aware of what it REALLY does to our whole being. How it stops us from really doing what we want. The way the fear can take over our whole body. For instance, in yoga postures, going upside down into an inversion such as handstand or shoulderstand. Just the thought of it can stir up a lot of fear and self-judgement like, "I can't do that!" "I'm this....I'm that" and so on. These places can be very uncomfortable, so it's easier to just be in the more familiar, comfortable place such as, "I just won't do that" or "maybe I'll try that later" place.
In my experience, when I started taking yoga classes regularly, I avoided going up into handstand against the wall in class. I would see all the other students of all ages and sizes go up all the way; half way or at least attempt to kick up their leg. I would just sit there with a pit in my stomach and my mind chatter telling me, "You're not strong enough", "You're gonna fall over and embarrass yourself", "you're not graceful enough", "you can't do it", "it's just too hard" and so on and so on. I believed it! However, I always showed up to class and practiced on my own with another voice telling me, "I want to do it", "it looks like fun", "I know I can if I just try". Of course, what I know now, I didn't know then, happened. My teacher started teaching us variations of handstand such as walking our feet up the wall, just so we could experience being upside down but have the support and safety of the wall. This is what woke up my body and the self-confidence that was lingering somewhere inside me. Before I knew it, I kicked one leg up the wall and came down with so much adrenaline and energy I was shaking all over. After that obstacle, I couldn't stop! I started kicking up and staying for at least 10 seconds and finally working my way up to a minute!
So what I've learned from this experience and others where fear and doubt stop me in my tracks, is that we all feel these feelings and it's okay to feel them. Just feel them. Acknowledge them. Be with them. Then, set an intention for what you want to create out of the situation, whether it be ease, fun, peace, connection to your body and breath. These samskaras can hold us back from moving forward in our lives. They can keep us from feeling joy everyday in what we do. But we can learn from them, once we bring awareness, compassion and acceptance into ourselves the possibilities become endless.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(From yogajournal.com daily insight)
According to yogic philosophy, we're born with a karmic inheritance of mental and emotional patterns—known as samskaras—through which we cycle over and over again during our lives.
The word samskara comes from the Sanskrit sam ("complete," or "joined together") and kara ("action," "cause," or "doing"). In addition to being generalized patterns, samskaras are individual impressions, ideas, or actions; taken together, our samskaras make up our conditioning. Repeating samskaras reinforces them, creating a groove that is difficult to resist. Samskaras can be positive—imagine the selfless acts of Mother Theresa. They can also be negative, as in the self-lacerating mental patterns that underlie low self-esteem and self-destructive relationships. The negative samskaras are what hinder our positive evolution.
But with mindfulness, right intention, and a lot of patience, you can turn your negative patterns into positives. The first step is to become aware of when you're falling into your habits.
IN THIS ISSUE
Stuck in a Rut?
http://www.yogajournal.com/lifestyle/1318
In my experience, when I started taking yoga classes regularly, I avoided going up into handstand against the wall in class. I would see all the other students of all ages and sizes go up all the way; half way or at least attempt to kick up their leg. I would just sit there with a pit in my stomach and my mind chatter telling me, "You're not strong enough", "You're gonna fall over and embarrass yourself", "you're not graceful enough", "you can't do it", "it's just too hard" and so on and so on. I believed it! However, I always showed up to class and practiced on my own with another voice telling me, "I want to do it", "it looks like fun", "I know I can if I just try". Of course, what I know now, I didn't know then, happened. My teacher started teaching us variations of handstand such as walking our feet up the wall, just so we could experience being upside down but have the support and safety of the wall. This is what woke up my body and the self-confidence that was lingering somewhere inside me. Before I knew it, I kicked one leg up the wall and came down with so much adrenaline and energy I was shaking all over. After that obstacle, I couldn't stop! I started kicking up and staying for at least 10 seconds and finally working my way up to a minute!
So what I've learned from this experience and others where fear and doubt stop me in my tracks, is that we all feel these feelings and it's okay to feel them. Just feel them. Acknowledge them. Be with them. Then, set an intention for what you want to create out of the situation, whether it be ease, fun, peace, connection to your body and breath. These samskaras can hold us back from moving forward in our lives. They can keep us from feeling joy everyday in what we do. But we can learn from them, once we bring awareness, compassion and acceptance into ourselves the possibilities become endless.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(From yogajournal.com daily insight)
According to yogic philosophy, we're born with a karmic inheritance of mental and emotional patterns—known as samskaras—through which we cycle over and over again during our lives.
The word samskara comes from the Sanskrit sam ("complete," or "joined together") and kara ("action," "cause," or "doing"). In addition to being generalized patterns, samskaras are individual impressions, ideas, or actions; taken together, our samskaras make up our conditioning. Repeating samskaras reinforces them, creating a groove that is difficult to resist. Samskaras can be positive—imagine the selfless acts of Mother Theresa. They can also be negative, as in the self-lacerating mental patterns that underlie low self-esteem and self-destructive relationships. The negative samskaras are what hinder our positive evolution.
But with mindfulness, right intention, and a lot of patience, you can turn your negative patterns into positives. The first step is to become aware of when you're falling into your habits.
IN THIS ISSUE
Stuck in a Rut?
http://www.yogajournal.com/lifestyle/1318
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Developing Performance Work
I have a performance in October and I'm feeling overwhelmed with all the material I have. It's like I have too much! This can be both good and bad, but the last time I was rehearsing it was hard for me go with something. I kept stopping and starting over. Using past material or tweeking it. This is a solo piece which, for me, can be difficult. I'm going to ask others for feedback once I get something going. It's funny because I've done 10-15 minute solo before and now I'm having trouble with this one. Maybe it's because it's going to be in a more formal setting (theater, lights, sounds,etc.) or maybe it wasn't my day that last time I rehearsed or maybe it's because it's going to be a whopping 20 minutes! I know we have our days, even when working with groups of people which I'm used to doing most of the time. The one solution that keeps coming to me is writing. I need to do more writing. Yes, I'm busy with school and work but I know I can set aside time to really do some writing about my work. I also videotaped 2 of my rehearsals which will give me plenty of ideas! I guess I needed to just "write" this out first to get clear. I feel I need to go with my intuition with things but it's funny how it can also stop you.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Get Creative
This is something I want to try. I always observe what goes on when I lie still in savasana: sounds, sensations in the body, chatter of the mind. I think this is something we can all try and practice.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We can approach the making of our postures as a creative act, bringing them to life with our breath and our intent, just as a musician brings music to life. A musician sits in a silence that holds only the intent to play before she brings the music up out of that silence with her muscles and breath. The sounds of the music unfold through time until at some point the musician lets the silence return. Only now the silence is different, deeper. It holds more.
We start our poses from a place of stillness. Our postures unfold through time as movements of flesh, bone, and awareness as we move through many different patterns of being, experiencing different aspects of who we can be, like the different sounds of some internal orchestra. And as in life and music, there is an end to the process of a posture practice. Traditionally it is the pose of stillness and silence: Corpse Pose.
In Savasana, we allow the sounds of our postures to fade away. We temporarily give up our power to create and set our instrument upon the ground. In the end all that remains is a great flying stillness. An abiding glory nestled inside the sweet sound of our breathing.
IN THIS ISSUE
Sound and Silence
http://www.yogajournal.com/practice/501
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We can approach the making of our postures as a creative act, bringing them to life with our breath and our intent, just as a musician brings music to life. A musician sits in a silence that holds only the intent to play before she brings the music up out of that silence with her muscles and breath. The sounds of the music unfold through time until at some point the musician lets the silence return. Only now the silence is different, deeper. It holds more.
We start our poses from a place of stillness. Our postures unfold through time as movements of flesh, bone, and awareness as we move through many different patterns of being, experiencing different aspects of who we can be, like the different sounds of some internal orchestra. And as in life and music, there is an end to the process of a posture practice. Traditionally it is the pose of stillness and silence: Corpse Pose.
In Savasana, we allow the sounds of our postures to fade away. We temporarily give up our power to create and set our instrument upon the ground. In the end all that remains is a great flying stillness. An abiding glory nestled inside the sweet sound of our breathing.
IN THIS ISSUE
Sound and Silence
http://www.yogajournal.com/practice/501
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Family Meditation
Wow, what a concept! If only I had this growing up. I hope to share this practice with my children one day :-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(From yogajournal.com daily insight)
Introducing children to yoga, meditation, and spirituality is one of the greatest gifts we can give them. It can set their future on a nourishing and creative course. But how do you present this knowledge so that children of different ages will receive the most benefit from it?
When we teach meditation to children, we need to choose age-appropriate techniques that foster their total growth and development. Meditations for children cannot be the same as those taught to middle-aged business people or spiritual aspirants seeking higher knowledge. Rather, in this context, meditation is a process that supports the growth of the body-mind of the child, fosters the development of each child's own unique personality, and supports creativity and expression.
Meditation techniques for children can help them relax and focus better during school, so that they can concentrate and memorize more effectively. From the spiritual perspective, good meditation techniques teach children self-awareness, encourage them to be themselves, and help them face life with greater belief in their potential.
IN THIS ISSUE
Teaching Meditation to Children
http://www.yogajournal.com/for_teachers/1856
Meditation 101
http://www.yogajournal.com/practice/1307
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(From yogajournal.com daily insight)
Introducing children to yoga, meditation, and spirituality is one of the greatest gifts we can give them. It can set their future on a nourishing and creative course. But how do you present this knowledge so that children of different ages will receive the most benefit from it?
When we teach meditation to children, we need to choose age-appropriate techniques that foster their total growth and development. Meditations for children cannot be the same as those taught to middle-aged business people or spiritual aspirants seeking higher knowledge. Rather, in this context, meditation is a process that supports the growth of the body-mind of the child, fosters the development of each child's own unique personality, and supports creativity and expression.
Meditation techniques for children can help them relax and focus better during school, so that they can concentrate and memorize more effectively. From the spiritual perspective, good meditation techniques teach children self-awareness, encourage them to be themselves, and help them face life with greater belief in their potential.
IN THIS ISSUE
Teaching Meditation to Children
http://www.yogajournal.com/for_teachers/1856
Meditation 101
http://www.yogajournal.com/practice/1307
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
The Universe takes care of me and us!
I wanted to share something that's been manifesting for me. In the past, I have been one to cram my schedule and not leave time for myself and for loved ones. For the past couple months, I have been thinning out my schedule; learning put myself first; and to say "no" to things. Lately, for the past few weeks, I will get cancellations from certain obligations which ends up leaving a nice free spot in my day. I've been using that time for myself to just lounge, do something fun, relax or spend time with my hubby. I'm totally allowing myself to be with the free time, instead of packing in something else which is usually my first instinct. But instead, I take a breath and just be with it. I feel a sense of ease and space open up inside of me. I just want to acknowledge this FULLY because it's something that I was never really conscious of before.
I feel the universe is there to take care of all of us. It's just a matter of how much you ALLOW yourself to do so.
I feel the universe is there to take care of all of us. It's just a matter of how much you ALLOW yourself to do so.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Dedication or Admiration?
I definitely relate to this. I remember in the past when I would skip yoga class if I knew my teacher was going to be away. However, I would just practice on my own, even though it wasn't the same. I used to visualize my teacher's voice for inspiration. It worked sometimes. Then if I showed up to yoga class and there was a sub, I would feel a little disappointed but do my best to enjoy and be in the full experience. I like this article that yoga journal sent me. I hope you do too!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(from yogajournal.com daily insight)
I visited a teacher-friend's yoga class recently to find it packed solid. Later that day, she told me her crew of regular students were unshakable in their enthusiasm for yoga class. With one exception: When she announced a sub would be teaching for her, her loyal students were nowhere to be found.
Could it be that her robust army of dedicated students are attached to their teacher, rather than dedicated to their practice? It's only human to have preferences, but when does your attachment to the teacher hinder your progress?
This week, assess your dedication to your practice. If you removed your favorite teachers from the equation, would you find the inner fire to continue practicing? Read how one yogini's traumatic experience of losing her teacher helped her find her practice. Finally, get all of the tools you need to become self-reliant and establish a strong home routine.
Om Shanti,
Andrea Kowalski
IN THIS ISSUE
Your Favorite Teachers
Hundreds of readers wrote in to share comments about their favorite teachers.
http://www.yogajournal.com/practice/2666?comments=1
Yoga Diary: On Her Own
A yogini loses a teacher and gains a practice.
http://www.yogajournal.com/lifestyle/2651
Home Stretch
Roll out your yoga mat at home and you'll find the freedom to experiment, to evolve, and to become your own best teacher.
http://www.yogajournal.com/practice/2591
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(from yogajournal.com daily insight)
I visited a teacher-friend's yoga class recently to find it packed solid. Later that day, she told me her crew of regular students were unshakable in their enthusiasm for yoga class. With one exception: When she announced a sub would be teaching for her, her loyal students were nowhere to be found.
Could it be that her robust army of dedicated students are attached to their teacher, rather than dedicated to their practice? It's only human to have preferences, but when does your attachment to the teacher hinder your progress?
This week, assess your dedication to your practice. If you removed your favorite teachers from the equation, would you find the inner fire to continue practicing? Read how one yogini's traumatic experience of losing her teacher helped her find her practice. Finally, get all of the tools you need to become self-reliant and establish a strong home routine.
Om Shanti,
Andrea Kowalski
IN THIS ISSUE
Your Favorite Teachers
Hundreds of readers wrote in to share comments about their favorite teachers.
http://www.yogajournal.com/practice/2666?comments=1
Yoga Diary: On Her Own
A yogini loses a teacher and gains a practice.
http://www.yogajournal.com/lifestyle/2651
Home Stretch
Roll out your yoga mat at home and you'll find the freedom to experiment, to evolve, and to become your own best teacher.
http://www.yogajournal.com/practice/2591
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Being gentle with yourself
Have you ever really been gentle with yourself about anything in your life? I know I haven't, but it's definitely getting started. We all have different personalities, goals and ambitions in life which is great. That's what makes us who we are. But what I've realized in my own life is how "non-gentle" I have been towards myself. For instance, being hard on myself about everything I do, from the tasks I do at my job to cleaning the toilet!
After finishing Vibrational Healing Massage Therapy Level 2 this past month, I have gotten used to being gentle with myself. When emotional things come up and/or I get triggered by something someone said or did, I stop and give myself space by breathing and being with the emotions. I don't judge it or criticize myself for feeling this way or that. It's just the way it is.
So when we got let out early on Sunday, I decided I was going to do whatever made me happy. I spent time with my husband, went and got ice cream from Ben & Jerry's and lounged on the couch watching movies. I knew I had other things I "should" be doing, but I was like, "Fuck it!" I need this time to process, relax and reboot myself after such a busy, emotional weekend. I woke up on Monday feeling great! I never feel energized on Mondays and this was the first time in a LONG time I did. I have to thank myself RIGHT NOW that I took the time to be gentle with myself with everything I'm doing. Hell! I work full time, go to massage school and teach a private yoga session once a week. There must be time for me!
It's good to stop and ask yourself what you want and what you need. are you always constantly going to one thing and then the next? or are you stopping in between to breath and be still? do you self-acknowledge yourself for your accomplishments? And they can be the littlest of things which, to me, are really big. For instance, wow! I want to acknowledge myself for allowing myself to sleep in an extra 30 minutes this morning. What do you want to acknowledge yourself for today?
After finishing Vibrational Healing Massage Therapy Level 2 this past month, I have gotten used to being gentle with myself. When emotional things come up and/or I get triggered by something someone said or did, I stop and give myself space by breathing and being with the emotions. I don't judge it or criticize myself for feeling this way or that. It's just the way it is.
So when we got let out early on Sunday, I decided I was going to do whatever made me happy. I spent time with my husband, went and got ice cream from Ben & Jerry's and lounged on the couch watching movies. I knew I had other things I "should" be doing, but I was like, "Fuck it!" I need this time to process, relax and reboot myself after such a busy, emotional weekend. I woke up on Monday feeling great! I never feel energized on Mondays and this was the first time in a LONG time I did. I have to thank myself RIGHT NOW that I took the time to be gentle with myself with everything I'm doing. Hell! I work full time, go to massage school and teach a private yoga session once a week. There must be time for me!
It's good to stop and ask yourself what you want and what you need. are you always constantly going to one thing and then the next? or are you stopping in between to breath and be still? do you self-acknowledge yourself for your accomplishments? And they can be the littlest of things which, to me, are really big. For instance, wow! I want to acknowledge myself for allowing myself to sleep in an extra 30 minutes this morning. What do you want to acknowledge yourself for today?
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