Patterns and Re-patterning

We all have patterns and habits of being.  They're neither good or bad because it's a way of survival through our experience.  I had a re-patterning session yesterday and I dug up a lot of "stuff" than I thought I would. I knew it was there, and had been there for quite sometime. 

My pattern(s) is I'm not worthy and I don't belong.  For years (and I'm going back to middle school), I always struggled to belong to something or with a "group." I need(ed) community, acknowledgment, to be seen, to be heard.  During my middle schools years, it usually got me in trouble or feeling more unworthy.  Then there were years when this pattern didn't show up as much, but came back (which is what they do. They never really go away!). 

Lately, for me, there was a certain person who kept popping into my mind.  A person, who was my friend for a few years, but then seemed to fall out of my radar and, eventually moved away.  It was when every time I would think of this person, it brought back these patterns and feelings.  I would say to myself "what is that about?!"  It was those feelings of not belonging.  There were times hanging out with this person, I felt not worthy enough to hang out with them.  Yep, I felt like 12 or 13 years old again.  I know I was done with that.  Maybe that's because we went our separate ways? I don't know.

During my re-patterning session, it was amazing the mind chatter that came up.  I really started to acknowledge it, which had never been done.  It brought up some tears of anger and sadness I had kept buried for years.  It was finally becoming known.  It was given the space that it longed for.  I felt a sense of freedom just saying it, "Why can't I be popular?" "What's wrong with me?" "Why did she have to be such a bitch?"  Just typing them brings on some relief.  After saying it, I had a huge belly release of laughter.  I had tingling sensations that traveled down into my feet.  The energy moved and is still moving! Feelings of compassion began to enter through me.  I didn't feel scared or unsure of myself.  I felt love.

At the end of the session, my coach suggested a new pattern to replace the old ones. A positive affirmation to say to myself everyday.  We came up with, "I am perfect just the way I am." When I said it out loud, it felt good.  I felt empowered and liberated.  Again, I was amazed at how much space I felt in my body.  Those patterns were really taking up a lot of space.

What are your patterns? What things do you say about or to yourself?  Write them down and see if you can track them. When did you first start saying these things? What was happening in your life?

I know it's a lot to think about and feel.