For years, it was really hard for me to trust myself and the decisions I made. I usually just went along with what everyone else did because it was just easier that way. No one would say anything or question me. Then I met my husband and it all changed. When we are talking about what we want to do for the evening or over the weekend or what to cook for dinner, if he decided something, I would just agree. He immediately would pick up on this and say, "Well, what do you want?" I would respond, "What you said. That sounds fine." Then he would said, "No, really. What would you like to do/eat?" This would start to send me into anxiety mode and I would start getting all flustered. And for what? This was the question on his face, and in later years, the question reflected right back to me.
Of course, over the past 4-5 years, I've learned to really check in with myself when questions or ideas are presented to me. I also have learned not to say, "yes" to everything because, in the past, that led to overbooking my time, leaving me with no time for what I wanted to do. Even if it was nothing! But allowing myself time and space to think and feel about choices is just one of things that yoga offers us. It's that quiet time that we give ourselves in meditation that allows us to connect with that deeper part of ourselves. It's the essence and the spirit/soul. It's trust and love.
I am ALLOWING myself to TRUST my intuition MORE around what I want to do along my path. Because it is MINE. Right?
It's not my mom's, my dad's, that ex-boyfriend's, the governments; it IS all mine. It's about what I want for myself in my relationships, health, career and business. Not what I should have, or HAVE to do.
For instance, I had an interview at a health club for a Massage Therapist position. This health club is very exclusive in the San Francisco Bay Area, and being located in the Financial District, it caters to the corporate community. I was early for my interview, and as I sat drinking my peppermint tea, I people-watched. "Wow" I said to myself. In the past, I would have said, "What am I doing here?!" with a lot of contempt. I also would have had the nervous flutters of butterflies in my stomach, but instead I was relaxed, comfortable, and going-with-the-flow. The chatter said, "Something must be wrong!" But in my heart, everything was perfect. The interview went so well, they asked me back for a practicum to demo my skills. I walked out of there feeling so confident and joyful! Then I recalled that email the day before from another business contacting me to come in for an interview and demo, and I my joy factor went from a 10 to a 100,000!
I'm realizing how manifestation and intention works, AND I'm receiving it! When an opportunity comes along, I'm open. I'm VERY aware when the chatter may chime in, but I know it's not true and it's not who I am or want. I'm trusting what comes and I'm not afraid of failure.
I welcome all opportunity and possibility. I listen to my intuition and heart because that's who I am.
I am not my thoughts. YOU are not your thoughts.
Trust in yourself and you will receive what you asked or prayed to the universe or higher being. You deserve it. So believe it!
Showing posts with label space. Show all posts
Showing posts with label space. Show all posts
Friday, June 24, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Emotional Storage Space
Last week, I received some bodywork/energy work and had an emotional release during the session. I felt better, but it didn't last. The very next day my throat started getting sore. I felt fine otherwise; no fever, or other cold-like symptoms. I decided to just watch it and see what happens.
The week went on, the sore throat got worse, but still, no other symptoms. I came to one conclusion that this was more energetic/emotional than an actual microbial infection. I was having memories from middle school; the sixth grade. I had reoccurring tonsilitis; and my parents just got divorce. I know at the time I was storing a lot of anger and grief about that, and at the time, didn't know how to express it. But now I'm so much more aware and have the tools to support me with expressing my emotions and needs. I know as an eleven year old, I was needing some understanding!
Then I received a lymphatic massage session on Saturday, which drew me to my other conclusion. I felt LOTS of stuff move, and even felt nausea for a moment. Also, every time my practitioner worked on my left hip side (pelvic/ovary area), which is a lymph node station, my body would tense and resist. Afterward, I received some coaching, which was really nice. I got clear on some other things I've been holding on to. I've held a lot of fear in my pelvis. Fear of being feminine. Fear of my intuition. Fear of my power. My practitioner pointed out to me that I could be going through a mini-death; a transition from an old way of being to a new way of being: Being a mother. In the past, I used to hold a lot of fear around being a mom and being pregnant. My chatter was, "how can I take care of someone else, when I can't even take care of myself?", "I'm too screwed up to be mom", or "I wouldn't be a good mom because I don't take care of myself or my relationships." I know I'm not the only one who has this chatter. I realize now that a lot of women have the same fears.
I want to be more aware and committed to nurturing this part of myself. I want to acknowledge that old way of being and embrace, accept and love the new way of being. I feel it in my body that I want to have a baby. It feels joyful, happy, and my right.
According to Anodea Judith's book, "Eastern Body, Western Mind", she explains the seven chakra centers as our seven rights. Since this past week was about my 2nd and 5th, the 2nd chakra (lower abdomen/pelvis) is the right to feel; and the 5th chakra (throat area/mouth) is the right to speak. In the past, there were many reasons why I didn't feel/think I had the right to feel or speak up for myself or express my emotions. But now I want to celebrate them! I want to move that energy in a positive, healthy way. I'm done with storing and hiding it away. I want it to be present.
Do you have a storage space in your body?
The week went on, the sore throat got worse, but still, no other symptoms. I came to one conclusion that this was more energetic/emotional than an actual microbial infection. I was having memories from middle school; the sixth grade. I had reoccurring tonsilitis; and my parents just got divorce. I know at the time I was storing a lot of anger and grief about that, and at the time, didn't know how to express it. But now I'm so much more aware and have the tools to support me with expressing my emotions and needs. I know as an eleven year old, I was needing some understanding!
Then I received a lymphatic massage session on Saturday, which drew me to my other conclusion. I felt LOTS of stuff move, and even felt nausea for a moment. Also, every time my practitioner worked on my left hip side (pelvic/ovary area), which is a lymph node station, my body would tense and resist. Afterward, I received some coaching, which was really nice. I got clear on some other things I've been holding on to. I've held a lot of fear in my pelvis. Fear of being feminine. Fear of my intuition. Fear of my power. My practitioner pointed out to me that I could be going through a mini-death; a transition from an old way of being to a new way of being: Being a mother. In the past, I used to hold a lot of fear around being a mom and being pregnant. My chatter was, "how can I take care of someone else, when I can't even take care of myself?", "I'm too screwed up to be mom", or "I wouldn't be a good mom because I don't take care of myself or my relationships." I know I'm not the only one who has this chatter. I realize now that a lot of women have the same fears.
I want to be more aware and committed to nurturing this part of myself. I want to acknowledge that old way of being and embrace, accept and love the new way of being. I feel it in my body that I want to have a baby. It feels joyful, happy, and my right.
According to Anodea Judith's book, "Eastern Body, Western Mind", she explains the seven chakra centers as our seven rights. Since this past week was about my 2nd and 5th, the 2nd chakra (lower abdomen/pelvis) is the right to feel; and the 5th chakra (throat area/mouth) is the right to speak. In the past, there were many reasons why I didn't feel/think I had the right to feel or speak up for myself or express my emotions. But now I want to celebrate them! I want to move that energy in a positive, healthy way. I'm done with storing and hiding it away. I want it to be present.
Do you have a storage space in your body?
Friday, February 18, 2011
Hormones need space
They can be so brutal sometimes. I don't mean this in a bad way necessarily. I do appreciate them because they do regulate things in my body and mine are pretty healthy as far as I know. So YAY to that! But in the past week they've been bringing up stuff.
A week ago, I had a night I couldn't sleep. Then over the past weekend, I experienced some PMS symptoms that I haven't felt in a LONG time. A lot of sadness and grief came up. I've been missing my family back east and my recently passed Nana and Baba. In the past, I used to have really bad PMS, to the point where I just let it take me over. But now, since my awareness has increased, that doesn't happen so much. In fact, I allowed myself to experience it all.
On Sunday, it was all psychological. I was anxious and moody. Everything seemed to trigger me. I got support from my husband, as well as a friend. I also had some time alone, which was the best because I had a nice, healthy cry. Then I took a bath with some lavendar oil. What a concept! Take a break, give myself and those a hormones some space! Didn't women do this WAY BACK in the day? Didn't they, and everyone in the community, honor it? There's a book called "The Red Tent" that reflects this practice. I haven't read it yet, but plan to. So after taking the bath, I felt a little better.
Then Monday came it was all somatic. My body ached and I had brain fog. Again, when I got home, I took a bath with lavender and it eased the tension, so I could feel. I couldn't sleep that night either, but this time it only took an hour for me to fall asleep. As I laid in bed, I ran my energy pattern, a technique used in a lot of different energy work. I drew my attention to my right foot and started to trace a path up my leg, but it kept stopping at my pelvis. I did this 3 more times and it stopped in the same place, so I gave all my attention and breath to this area. It made sense, especially for this time of the month. Even my ovaries were active. After about 5 minutes, I started the path again and it went all the way up my body and didn't stop. I could finally go to sleep. YAY!
I really feel it's important for women to honor these times in their lives. We really don't do it enough. We tend to hold it in, and then forget to release it. I feel my hormones triggered these emotions of grief sadness for a reason. It's as if a part of my body needed to release it, and then my hormones were there as a back up. To let me know, there's some stuff that just has to go. I used to judge and criticize myself for feeling the way I feel during this time of the month, but not anymore. It's apart of a woman's life, so it's time to embrace it and not fight it.
A week ago, I had a night I couldn't sleep. Then over the past weekend, I experienced some PMS symptoms that I haven't felt in a LONG time. A lot of sadness and grief came up. I've been missing my family back east and my recently passed Nana and Baba. In the past, I used to have really bad PMS, to the point where I just let it take me over. But now, since my awareness has increased, that doesn't happen so much. In fact, I allowed myself to experience it all.
On Sunday, it was all psychological. I was anxious and moody. Everything seemed to trigger me. I got support from my husband, as well as a friend. I also had some time alone, which was the best because I had a nice, healthy cry. Then I took a bath with some lavendar oil. What a concept! Take a break, give myself and those a hormones some space! Didn't women do this WAY BACK in the day? Didn't they, and everyone in the community, honor it? There's a book called "The Red Tent" that reflects this practice. I haven't read it yet, but plan to. So after taking the bath, I felt a little better.
Then Monday came it was all somatic. My body ached and I had brain fog. Again, when I got home, I took a bath with lavender and it eased the tension, so I could feel. I couldn't sleep that night either, but this time it only took an hour for me to fall asleep. As I laid in bed, I ran my energy pattern, a technique used in a lot of different energy work. I drew my attention to my right foot and started to trace a path up my leg, but it kept stopping at my pelvis. I did this 3 more times and it stopped in the same place, so I gave all my attention and breath to this area. It made sense, especially for this time of the month. Even my ovaries were active. After about 5 minutes, I started the path again and it went all the way up my body and didn't stop. I could finally go to sleep. YAY!
I really feel it's important for women to honor these times in their lives. We really don't do it enough. We tend to hold it in, and then forget to release it. I feel my hormones triggered these emotions of grief sadness for a reason. It's as if a part of my body needed to release it, and then my hormones were there as a back up. To let me know, there's some stuff that just has to go. I used to judge and criticize myself for feeling the way I feel during this time of the month, but not anymore. It's apart of a woman's life, so it's time to embrace it and not fight it.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Performing privately in the public
I took a performance workshop/lab over the weekend. My friend/collaborator ran the workshop for her research toward her MFA graduate work at UCLA. We did a series of exercises that investigated relationships, intimacy, witness/viewer/performer, and installation art (placing random objects in space). Each exercise was specific in its own, but it all meshed together at the end of the workshop when we showed our work to each other and outside viewers.
It's hard to describe the experience in words, so I'll do my best. For me, the workshop pushed me to take risks as a performance artist. This triggered some things inside me as well such as the fear of failure (if those risks are taken), being seen, and belonging. I've gotten better at accepting these fears through performance, but this was the icing on the cake!
The last two exercises of the workshop were placing objects--both personal and random--in space together. All 5 of us participated in this in many ways. We took turns placing the objects and then would view it from all angles and directions. At one point, one of the participants began to interact with the objects and then became an object with the objects. After that, we individually set up our own installations in different parts of space, hence bringing that private into the public. I chose a hallway in back of the theater. My installation (and I wish I took a picture!) consisted of a sheet of paper with lipstick kisses, smears, and marks. Each mark had a different amount of Rx pills in each one (the Rx was my old anti-depressants) labeled M, T, W, Th, Fr, Sat, Sun and ?. Along with that was a bottle of saki, spray starch can labeled "Faultless", a compact mirror, red lipstick tube, hand santizer, a magic marker and a "to do" list, which read: Breathe, ground, spit, sleep, TP, paper towels. I had checked off certain items with the lipstick. Also, there were crumpled up paper towels with lipstick marks. Now close your eyes and imagine all that!
Then, lastly, we had to come up with a 3-5 minute performance that would be done in any part of the space, with any objects, music, sounds, and it was for just one person. In some way, this intimate performance had to perceive the giving of a gift in some way. This starts to bring in the intimacy, relationship, private-in-the-public themes. I did mine in the restroom, which had two public shower stalls. I placed my installation piece on the sink, and then did my performance in one of the shower stalls with the viewer sitting in a chair in front of it. I had a plant-watering can in the shower with me. The only instructions I gave the viewer was to open the shower curtain when they heard the water. I began watering the area around me in the shower. Then I tipped the watering can over me and let the water splash onto me (I had a stretch pants and an tank top on). After I set the watering can down in the shower, I gently smoothed the water on me in a specific way each time--like a cleansing ritual. Then I take a towel and carefully dried myself off and dropped the towel to the floor. I pick up a red lipstick and compact mirror and applied the lipstick. I put them down and harshly took off the lipstick with a paper towel, throwing it on the floor violently. I grab the lipstick and mirror, then go to the viewer, take their hand and bring them just outside the shower stall. I put the lipstick in their hand to put onto me, which most complied to do. Then I motioned for them to put it on themselves, which most did comply. I turn the mirror towards them so they can view themselves with the lipstick on; then I take a paper towel and blot my lips with one end and have them blot the other end. I shape it into a flower, so you can see the lipstick blots. I step out of the shower and place the paper flower on the shower stall floor. I pick the watering can up and water the paper flower. I stop and stare at it with the viewer, and then turn to them and say, "thank you", prompting the end of the performance. I did this 4 times in a row.
Again, it's hard to describe how I felt, but it was amazing to hear the feedback from the audience/viewers about every piece. The feelings and thoughts that came up for people were:
-I felt obligated
-I felt uncomfortable, like I shouldn't be there
-It touched me, and reminded me of what I'm going through in my own life
-I wanted to leave
-I wanted to run away
Everyone loved the experience because they had never experienced a performance like that before, and neither did I! It effected them in many ways, but it was wonderful how open and honest they were in their feedback. It was very validating for me because there was one person who didn't comply with the lipstick in my piece, and when he expressed his thoughts and feelings, I felt better about it. The mind chatter was definitely in full force before, during, and after each viewing. So after hearing all the viewers speak, I felt acknowledged, heard and seen.
I've decided to try this out at friend's living spaces to see what happens. I think it would be powerful, scary, and fun!
It's hard to describe the experience in words, so I'll do my best. For me, the workshop pushed me to take risks as a performance artist. This triggered some things inside me as well such as the fear of failure (if those risks are taken), being seen, and belonging. I've gotten better at accepting these fears through performance, but this was the icing on the cake!
The last two exercises of the workshop were placing objects--both personal and random--in space together. All 5 of us participated in this in many ways. We took turns placing the objects and then would view it from all angles and directions. At one point, one of the participants began to interact with the objects and then became an object with the objects. After that, we individually set up our own installations in different parts of space, hence bringing that private into the public. I chose a hallway in back of the theater. My installation (and I wish I took a picture!) consisted of a sheet of paper with lipstick kisses, smears, and marks. Each mark had a different amount of Rx pills in each one (the Rx was my old anti-depressants) labeled M, T, W, Th, Fr, Sat, Sun and ?. Along with that was a bottle of saki, spray starch can labeled "Faultless", a compact mirror, red lipstick tube, hand santizer, a magic marker and a "to do" list, which read: Breathe, ground, spit, sleep, TP, paper towels. I had checked off certain items with the lipstick. Also, there were crumpled up paper towels with lipstick marks. Now close your eyes and imagine all that!
Then, lastly, we had to come up with a 3-5 minute performance that would be done in any part of the space, with any objects, music, sounds, and it was for just one person. In some way, this intimate performance had to perceive the giving of a gift in some way. This starts to bring in the intimacy, relationship, private-in-the-public themes. I did mine in the restroom, which had two public shower stalls. I placed my installation piece on the sink, and then did my performance in one of the shower stalls with the viewer sitting in a chair in front of it. I had a plant-watering can in the shower with me. The only instructions I gave the viewer was to open the shower curtain when they heard the water. I began watering the area around me in the shower. Then I tipped the watering can over me and let the water splash onto me (I had a stretch pants and an tank top on). After I set the watering can down in the shower, I gently smoothed the water on me in a specific way each time--like a cleansing ritual. Then I take a towel and carefully dried myself off and dropped the towel to the floor. I pick up a red lipstick and compact mirror and applied the lipstick. I put them down and harshly took off the lipstick with a paper towel, throwing it on the floor violently. I grab the lipstick and mirror, then go to the viewer, take their hand and bring them just outside the shower stall. I put the lipstick in their hand to put onto me, which most complied to do. Then I motioned for them to put it on themselves, which most did comply. I turn the mirror towards them so they can view themselves with the lipstick on; then I take a paper towel and blot my lips with one end and have them blot the other end. I shape it into a flower, so you can see the lipstick blots. I step out of the shower and place the paper flower on the shower stall floor. I pick the watering can up and water the paper flower. I stop and stare at it with the viewer, and then turn to them and say, "thank you", prompting the end of the performance. I did this 4 times in a row.
Again, it's hard to describe how I felt, but it was amazing to hear the feedback from the audience/viewers about every piece. The feelings and thoughts that came up for people were:
-I felt obligated
-I felt uncomfortable, like I shouldn't be there
-It touched me, and reminded me of what I'm going through in my own life
-I wanted to leave
-I wanted to run away
Everyone loved the experience because they had never experienced a performance like that before, and neither did I! It effected them in many ways, but it was wonderful how open and honest they were in their feedback. It was very validating for me because there was one person who didn't comply with the lipstick in my piece, and when he expressed his thoughts and feelings, I felt better about it. The mind chatter was definitely in full force before, during, and after each viewing. So after hearing all the viewers speak, I felt acknowledged, heard and seen.
I've decided to try this out at friend's living spaces to see what happens. I think it would be powerful, scary, and fun!
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Patterns and Re-patterning
We all have patterns and habits of being. They're neither good or bad because it's a way of survival through our experience. I had a re-patterning session yesterday and I dug up a lot of "stuff" than I thought I would. I knew it was there, and had been there for quite sometime.
My pattern(s) is I'm not worthy and I don't belong. For years (and I'm going back to middle school), I always struggled to belong to something or with a "group." I need(ed) community, acknowledgment, to be seen, to be heard. During my middle schools years, it usually got me in trouble or feeling more unworthy. Then there were years when this pattern didn't show up as much, but came back (which is what they do. They never really go away!).
Lately, for me, there was a certain person who kept popping into my mind. A person, who was my friend for a few years, but then seemed to fall out of my radar and, eventually moved away. It was when every time I would think of this person, it brought back these patterns and feelings. I would say to myself "what is that about?!" It was those feelings of not belonging. There were times hanging out with this person, I felt not worthy enough to hang out with them. Yep, I felt like 12 or 13 years old again. I know I was done with that. Maybe that's because we went our separate ways? I don't know.
During my re-patterning session, it was amazing the mind chatter that came up. I really started to acknowledge it, which had never been done. It brought up some tears of anger and sadness I had kept buried for years. It was finally becoming known. It was given the space that it longed for. I felt a sense of freedom just saying it, "Why can't I be popular?" "What's wrong with me?" "Why did she have to be such a bitch?" Just typing them brings on some relief. After saying it, I had a huge belly release of laughter. I had tingling sensations that traveled down into my feet. The energy moved and is still moving! Feelings of compassion began to enter through me. I didn't feel scared or unsure of myself. I felt love.
At the end of the session, my coach suggested a new pattern to replace the old ones. A positive affirmation to say to myself everyday. We came up with, "I am perfect just the way I am." When I said it out loud, it felt good. I felt empowered and liberated. Again, I was amazed at how much space I felt in my body. Those patterns were really taking up a lot of space.
What are your patterns? What things do you say about or to yourself? Write them down and see if you can track them. When did you first start saying these things? What was happening in your life?
I know it's a lot to think about and feel.
My pattern(s) is I'm not worthy and I don't belong. For years (and I'm going back to middle school), I always struggled to belong to something or with a "group." I need(ed) community, acknowledgment, to be seen, to be heard. During my middle schools years, it usually got me in trouble or feeling more unworthy. Then there were years when this pattern didn't show up as much, but came back (which is what they do. They never really go away!).
Lately, for me, there was a certain person who kept popping into my mind. A person, who was my friend for a few years, but then seemed to fall out of my radar and, eventually moved away. It was when every time I would think of this person, it brought back these patterns and feelings. I would say to myself "what is that about?!" It was those feelings of not belonging. There were times hanging out with this person, I felt not worthy enough to hang out with them. Yep, I felt like 12 or 13 years old again. I know I was done with that. Maybe that's because we went our separate ways? I don't know.
During my re-patterning session, it was amazing the mind chatter that came up. I really started to acknowledge it, which had never been done. It brought up some tears of anger and sadness I had kept buried for years. It was finally becoming known. It was given the space that it longed for. I felt a sense of freedom just saying it, "Why can't I be popular?" "What's wrong with me?" "Why did she have to be such a bitch?" Just typing them brings on some relief. After saying it, I had a huge belly release of laughter. I had tingling sensations that traveled down into my feet. The energy moved and is still moving! Feelings of compassion began to enter through me. I didn't feel scared or unsure of myself. I felt love.
At the end of the session, my coach suggested a new pattern to replace the old ones. A positive affirmation to say to myself everyday. We came up with, "I am perfect just the way I am." When I said it out loud, it felt good. I felt empowered and liberated. Again, I was amazed at how much space I felt in my body. Those patterns were really taking up a lot of space.
What are your patterns? What things do you say about or to yourself? Write them down and see if you can track them. When did you first start saying these things? What was happening in your life?
I know it's a lot to think about and feel.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Feet
Feet are my new passion in life. Well, at the moment, my own feet. I had my first weekend of Structural Foot Balancing class and I have to say it open my eyes! I knew that when we have foot problems it can affect the rest of the body, but not the other way around. With the help of my fellow students, I found so much more space, circulation and relief in my feet. Tingling, pulsing, breathing!
On my right foot, I broke part of my big toe when I was about 10 years old at a slumber party. The cracks and creeks that occurred were indescribable. It was like a new foot was emerging. I guess you can say I'm having "re"-growing pains ;-) I just can't believe that the bones in my feet were that crunched and squished together!
I feel pretty committed to my feet now. I'm thinking of the shoes I wear and how I feel/think about my feet. In the past, I used to think I had ugly, flat, narrow feet. I'm totally re-thinking how I treat my feet and the shoes I put on them. I want to share this foot stuff with others and I hope to inspire them to love and care for their feet.
Monday, June 1, 2009
The time has come
I feel ease and space in my body. I feel in alignment with what I want. I have started to clear my schedule and make time for what's important to me. It was hard and it took some time but it's happening because it NEEDED to happen.
I'm going to take a little hiatus from teaching yoga in order to pursue my career training as a massage therapist. It dawned on me this past weekend why I can't find time to practice and trade with my fellow classmates. I work full time, go to massage school and teach yoga. What about me? Once I made the decision, it was like a HUGE space cleared in my chest and abdomen. I even got someone to take over the class for me! So I know it's for the best. In the past, I used to just stick with things no matter what. Then I would get burnt out and physically ill. It was a way of my body saying, "You're doing too much!" "Stop it now!". As I get older, I can't ignore it anymore. I'm also not 21 or 25 anymore either. I want my thirties to be rich with knowledge and presence. I want to experience my massage training and career. I will always be able to teach yoga because it's a passion of mine that I've been practicing for almost 10 years! Sometimes we need to slow some things down when new possibilites come into our lives.
I'm so happy that I'm manifesting what I want and can feel, see and taste it.
I'm going to take a little hiatus from teaching yoga in order to pursue my career training as a massage therapist. It dawned on me this past weekend why I can't find time to practice and trade with my fellow classmates. I work full time, go to massage school and teach yoga. What about me? Once I made the decision, it was like a HUGE space cleared in my chest and abdomen. I even got someone to take over the class for me! So I know it's for the best. In the past, I used to just stick with things no matter what. Then I would get burnt out and physically ill. It was a way of my body saying, "You're doing too much!" "Stop it now!". As I get older, I can't ignore it anymore. I'm also not 21 or 25 anymore either. I want my thirties to be rich with knowledge and presence. I want to experience my massage training and career. I will always be able to teach yoga because it's a passion of mine that I've been practicing for almost 10 years! Sometimes we need to slow some things down when new possibilites come into our lives.
I'm so happy that I'm manifesting what I want and can feel, see and taste it.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Anywhere
When I get the chance, I will share a video of the work I'm writing about in this blog entry. This past weekend I performed in the Bare Bones Butoh Presents performance series curated by Bob Webb in San Francisco. Since 2005, I've been participating in this series which gives butoh/performance artists a chance to try stuff out, present works in progress or parts of a bigger piece.
This time I was feeling very adventurous and decided to improv some work. I invited my friend, Deborah of KitsuneButoh to play, as I did with her in her piece. Since my piece was entitled, "Anywhere", I began my dance in the hallway of the building. My intention for the improv was to investigate what happens when another butoh body enters the space/environment as the dance occurs.In a past blog, I shared about dancing in other environments, mostly in the outdoors. But this time was super fun because it's a live-work space so there were people/tenants coming in and out as I moved down the hallways towards the performance space. The only sound I had in the hallway was me, the various generators in the building and the sounds of tenants coming in and out of their space. Of course the audience was there as well. Deborah followed me as a shadow does in different lighting, but with some distance between us. No real contact, but more energetically. It was amazing how I sensed another body's presence even though I couldn't see it. As I viewed the footage, my reactions of this body was interesting because it looked at times as if it was choreographed that way. Since I invited her beforehand, there was no way of knowing when it was going to happen. I experienced this when dancing outdoors in a public space where people got close to me and I felt vulnerable and unsure, but of course, continued with that feeling and the movement to see the manifestation.
As I danced through the audience, I could feel all eyes and energy on me. Then something unexpected occurred at such the right moment. A tenant came out of his apt as I paused in front of it. He froze as I did and as Deborah did too. The reaction was perfect. He continued to lock up and walk down the hallway to leave the building. I don't know what happened. A nonverbal acknowledgment? We continued in the hallway and I went on into the performance stage area to continue.
I'll post the video soon. It was lots of fun!
This time I was feeling very adventurous and decided to improv some work. I invited my friend, Deborah of KitsuneButoh to play, as I did with her in her piece. Since my piece was entitled, "Anywhere", I began my dance in the hallway of the building. My intention for the improv was to investigate what happens when another butoh body enters the space/environment as the dance occurs.In a past blog, I shared about dancing in other environments, mostly in the outdoors. But this time was super fun because it's a live-work space so there were people/tenants coming in and out as I moved down the hallways towards the performance space. The only sound I had in the hallway was me, the various generators in the building and the sounds of tenants coming in and out of their space. Of course the audience was there as well. Deborah followed me as a shadow does in different lighting, but with some distance between us. No real contact, but more energetically. It was amazing how I sensed another body's presence even though I couldn't see it. As I viewed the footage, my reactions of this body was interesting because it looked at times as if it was choreographed that way. Since I invited her beforehand, there was no way of knowing when it was going to happen. I experienced this when dancing outdoors in a public space where people got close to me and I felt vulnerable and unsure, but of course, continued with that feeling and the movement to see the manifestation.
As I danced through the audience, I could feel all eyes and energy on me. Then something unexpected occurred at such the right moment. A tenant came out of his apt as I paused in front of it. He froze as I did and as Deborah did too. The reaction was perfect. He continued to lock up and walk down the hallway to leave the building. I don't know what happened. A nonverbal acknowledgment? We continued in the hallway and I went on into the performance stage area to continue.
I'll post the video soon. It was lots of fun!
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