Remedies For A Night of Revelry

I received this from the wonderful EcoHerbalists. Love these women! Hope you had a wonderful holiday, and if you're planning to celebrate the New Year with, yes of course, champagne and other beverages, here are a few tips from the EcoHerbalists to help remedy those effects.



Remedies For A Night of Revelry

Heal Your Hangover and Start the New Year Bright

Whether you are one of the smart and well disciplined to ring in the New Year with a morning chakra balancing meditation or are one of the ones who will be suffering a worthwhile headache, we have the insights and cures to start 2011 healthy and bright. If indeed you plan on get whisked away in indulgent celebratory endeavors on New Years Eve, we’d like to share a few choice home remedies to make your night of revelry a bit more memorable. Look below (even through bleary eyes) for the best preventative measures, hangover cures, and emergency quick fixes for having a night of “too much fun.”

Worship Water: Avoid dehydration and over indulgence at parties by drinking a glass of water for every alcoholic beverage you have throughout the night. Water will help keep you from experiencing those searing headaches that keep you horizontal the next day.

Take a multi B- vitamin: Your system quickly becomes depleted of this vital B-vitamin from too much imbibing. Take a multi B that includes B-1 (thiamine) and B-6 before the drinking begins or after the over-indulgence has occurred.

NAC- N-acetyl-cysteine is an amino acid that breaks down and eliminates on the main causes of hangovers, acetaldehyde. Take with multi B complex and vitamin C.

Bifidus: Take a ¼ teaspoon of the beneficial probiotic bifidus to help restore gut bacteria before you go to bed. Probiotics also help to aid in the manufacture of B vitamins as well as detoxify and restore the digestive system after alcohol consumption.

Replenish your electrolytes – Eat foods rich in minerals like potassium that get depleted by too much alcohol. Find your balance again and try 1tablespoon blackstrap molasses.

Eat bananas- they are rich in the minerals potassium and magnesium. These nutrients will help reduce the throbbing pounding headache by relaxing the blood vessels. This fruit is great in a smoothie with flax oil to relieve symptoms of nausea.

Vitamin C- this is another vitamin/antioxidant depleted during too much drinking. It helps protect the liver so replenish asap.

Liver support: Make a nutritive tea with dandelion root, milk thistle, burdock, and honey to aid in liver detoxification.

Ginger Tea: This tea can help quell unwelcomed nausea. Slice 10-12 pieces of fresh ginger root and simmer in 4 cups of water for 15 minutes. Strain out ginger and add honey to taste.

Sauerkraut- if the thought of eating kraut after a big night out turns your belly around even more than it is, trust me, I understand, but if you can get past the oddity and look at this food as medicine, this cabbage loving elixir might become your BFF. The vinegar and spices speed up the blood flow, quickening the detoxification process. The cabbage is a pal for liver detox too and while boosting beneficial gut bacteria. You can eat raw cabbage as an old school preventative to getting a hangover the next day after a big night on the town. Crunch on.

l-Glutamine- This amazing amino acid protects and heals the stomach lining thereby reducing injury and inflammation from alcohol intake while also reducing the effects of hangover and cravings for alcohol. Comes in powder form.

Ginseng Take ginseng before a night of partying or after the damage has been done. Ginseng is a liver detoxifier and will help clear the system of toxins.

Alkalinize– the day before, the day of, and the day after partying eat and drink restorative mineral rich foods to boost the alkalinity in the body. Try clear soup broths, miso, and lots of vegetables. Take a “green drink” the morning after drinking too much. Mix 2 tablespoons chlorella, blue green algae, spirulina, wheat grass or some super green powder in 8 oz. water and drink. This will help to replenish the mineral stores to buffer against the acidifying inflammatory effects of drinking too much alcohol.

May your year be filled with good health, and balance!

Learning to appreciate even when I want to explode

Being back on the east coast is always a "trip" for me. I love visiting my family and seeing friends when I can. Since living on the west coast in the San Francisco Bay Area for the last seven years, I've learned many things about myself and my family. It's amazing what 3000 miles of distance can do! I could go on about that experience, but I only have so much time in this coffee shop in Orleans, MA.

I've been staying with my mom, plus spending time with my brother, father, stepmother and stepfather. So far, I've noticed their reactions to their experiences such as traffic ( to name a few). However, it's the judgments they have toward people in general. I mean we all do it. I know in the past few years, I've learned a variety of tools, especially when I feel myself getting amped up about what someone just did or said. I guess what I really want to acknowledge is the negativity that my family feeds off of, or is the only focus they seem to put their attention on. I'm very careful how I say things so I don't set them off more because I could totally go that route and fire them up more; or say nothing so they can truly hear themselves. I really see what my coaching teacher was talking about. He would say to try and find those things you appreciate about those people who do fire you up. It's so freakin' hard! Especially with family.

So I, now, appreciate all the things my parents provided for me growing up, and still do. The unconditional love and support. I appreciate the fire and passion my brother has about current events and issues in the world, along with his music and art. I appreciate having a family that, although we have our differences, we can still enjoy each others' company.

Even when I would hear negative comments about something come out of their mouth, I would breathe and appreciate something about them. Even if it's that I got them in my life.

Running in the snow

I ran in the snow last night. it was utterly amazing. although the wind would blast it in my face from time to time, the xmas lights on all the houses glowed. I only ran a little over a mile (maybe less), but i wanted to see what it was like. cold. wet. exhilarating! it's snowing this morning on the cape, but it's lightening up. I can't wait to go venture out in it. I think I'm the only one out of my whole family who does :)

5 Biggest Misconceptions About Yoga | Top Five Tuesdays | Yoga Blog | Yoga Journal

5 Biggest Misconceptions About Yoga | Top Five Tuesdays | Yoga Blog | Yoga Journal

I had to share this blog I read on the Yoga Journal blog. I have students who believe the first one, and I think I was even in that category as well. The first misconception about yoga: Yoga is just for _____ people. In other words, it's that chatter you may have in your head such as, "I'm not flexible enough", "I'm not thin enough", "I'm not young enough"; well, thank you, Thank You, THANK YOU! There is a style and pace for everyone, especially these days. It's just a matter of researching and trying different classes and teachers. I know if you have an injury or other restriction in your body, you may be scared to even try because of the risk of hurting yourself. Yoga teaches us to be in our own bodies, not what "other" body's are doing. I know, from experience, it's hard NOT to compare yourself. I still catch myself doing it after 10 years! Notice when you do that, and redirect your attention to your body and breath. Do the pose to the best of your ability, and what feels safe, but challenging to your body.

Yoga is a mix of awareness, concentration and movement. So you're basically mediating as you move from pose to pose. This comes from #3: The purpose of yoga is physical fitness. Not necessarily. The poses are great for the physical body to strength and stretch muscles, but it's not like an aerobics class you may take at the gym. I teach yoga at a gym, and I know some of the students are there for just the physical, especially if they're new. I always incorporate a little mindfulness techniques and meditation, so they get a little of everything. As a yoga teacher, you really can't leave that out if you tried!

Those were the ones that really spoke to me, as I run into them a lot. If you're a student of any level or a teacher, or thinking about trying yoga, read the short blog, link is at the top.

Namaste

Moving forward

It was a hard thing to decide, but it's time to move on. I decided to drop my *Daly City yoga class, and pass the reigns onto another great, up and coming teacher. I'm still going to teach in San Francisco at 24 Hour Fitness and sub at the YMCA when needed. I'm also curious and open to see what other opportunities are out there in the yoga teaching world. I will miss my Daly City students, and do hope they continue their practice and going to class. This class was my first real teaching gig ever! So there's definitely a lot of history there, and growth within my teaching over the years.

So what next?

I feel 2011 will be about recharging, revamping and refreshing my practice as a yoga practitioner and teacher. I will take more workshops and trainings for myself, so I can continue to grow in my yoga practice. In a way, I feel I've neglected that most important part about being a yoga teacher: practice! It's time to focus my attention there and see where it takes me. I miss going to class, not just for the yoga part, but the community of other like-minded individuals and yoga enthusiasts. I miss that network. I feel the withdrawal and the craving. It's time to step back into myself and see where I'm at in all of it. I'm so excited, open, and grateful!

**Leeat Louvton will be taking over my class on Monday evenings at War Memorial Community Center in Daly City. For more information, go to www.doelgercenter.com and check out the class schedule.

Namaste!

Listening to Our Body...Again

I reread this post I wrote back in February. Boy, was there some "stuff" going on! I'm re-realizing that the body never lies. We need to listen to it and be with it, which is what yoga and massage has taught me. I recently had an Aura Balancing session (energy/chakra balancing) from a good friend of mine, who is an energyworker, clairvoyant and life coach. I went to her because I felt very blocked in areas of my body, especially my throat and chest area. For the past few weeks, I've been grieving loss. Loss of people, and parts of me that I have needed to let go of. As my yoga practice has involved Yin and restorative postures these days, being still and quiet has allowed this grief to surface and be free of my body. I've learned new ways to ground myself and protect myself. In the past, I always took on other people's "stuff", and what I mean by stuff is their moods, emotions, experiences, presence, etc. Let's just say "vibes". Have you ever walked into a room, or encountered a person, and felt something off or shift? It's like the air stretches or changes volume around them, depending on what's going with them. Sometimes those people or places have a positive vibe, and sometimes they don't. For a long time, I was a sponge and would absorb all the negative vibes from people and places. Instead of letting it go, I took it on for some reason.

When I was younger, it was a way to relate to people or to feel that I belonged. Over the years, my body's energy became drained, and now, it's done with that. There are other ways-healthy ways-to relate with people. There are healthy ways to be with people, who aren't exactly in a well-balanced state, but that doesn't mean you have to go there too! We can meet them where their at with distance and still be in close proximity. I want to share a great grounding-meditation exercise to help protect yourself from any negative vibes you may encounter throughout your day. It's also just a great way to unwind. As a yoga teacher, massage therapist and coach, if you're constantly around different people throughout your day, and can leave you energized or drained. Something to think about and be aware of, especially around the holidays.

Take 5 or 10 minutes to do this exercise:

First, find a quiet place and sit either in a chair or on the floor. You want your feet on the ground. Close your eyes and take a few deep, belly breaths. Extend both arms straight up toward the sky with palms up, and then bring them down slowly to the sides like your drawing a circle around you. Imagine a sphere of space (this is your aura) five feet in front, above, below and the sides of you. Then place all your energy and the energy you may have picked up from others or places and send it above your head down through your crown, third eye, throat, chest/heart, abdomen, pelvis, until you get to the tip of tailbone. Place all that energy in a ball with any color that comes to you (something soothing). Imagine a cord of that color from the ball, and send the energy down into the ground so deep it gets to the earth's core and say to yourself or out loud, "I release this energy to the earth." Then imagine a crystal, white ball of clean, bright light and send that back up the cord letting it cover your feet, legs, pelvis, trunk, neck and head, then allow it to burst over your head, covering your aura. Feel this new, earth energy soothe your whole body, mind and spirit. Then find your feet and take a few long, deep belly breaths.

Try this at the end of the day before you go to bed and then again in the morning. I find sometimes I do it in the middle of the day, depending on what kind of day I'm having. If I'm inspired by affirmations or yogic chant phrases at the end such as, "so hum", which means, "I am that". I say it over and over again to myself or out loud and just sit with it, allowing my mind to quieten. The more you do this exercise, the easier and quicker you feel grounded and clear. If you have any essential oils from trees such as cypress or frankincense, rub some into your palms and wrists before you do the exercise, breathing in the aroma from the oils. It's a nice treat to add to the whole experience.

I know I just ranted about other people's energy, but it really can effect us if we are not aware. Overtime, our energy can become stagnant for a variety of reasons--age, illness, injuries, etc. But can you remember when that part of your body began feeling that way? What was happening in your life at the time? Who was there? Some interesting queries to consider.

Namaste

Resistance leads to persistance

I get daily insight emailed to me from Yoga Journal everyday, and this one came yesterday. Couldn't have been at a better time! As I've been allowing myself more free time, it's been clear to me that I really need more of it. For years, my strategies for coping with stress and anxiety is to do, Do, DO! Instead of feeling my emotions, I would resist them by overloading my schedule so much, it would leave me depleted and tired. When I would have an opening, I would diligently search for something else to fill it with. One of my teachers in my coaching program always says, "If you resist, it will persist." In other words, it won't go away if you ignore it. It will always come back and bite you in the ass before you least expect it.

I want to share the articles below that inspired me to share and write about this because I've been doing a lot of healing from grief and loss this past week. Once I allowed myself a break, all the sadness surfaced and was freed from my body. I know I was holding onto some people I've lost in my life, and could very well still be. But what's important is that it was acknowledged.

Yin yoga is the practice that's been supporting me. Yin yoga is a style of yoga, where you hold poses (usually floor poses) for 3-5 minutes. The holding is what allows the connective tissues around the muscles and joints to open and stretch releasing any blockages or stuck energy and/or emotions. It's like giving yourself an acupuncture/acupressure session because the poses are also stimulating the meridians, or flow of energy/chi which correspond to organs and systems of the body. I love this style because it really allows (and makes) me be in my body. I'm so happy to have reconnected with this practice and style because it's reminded me to, not only be in my body, but to love my body wherever it's at, physically and emotionally.

I hope you enjoy the articles!

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From Yoga Journal Daily Insights

Resistance becomes a problem when the psychological immune system doesn't know when or how to let down its boundaries. Then resistance stops being a useful filtering device and becomes a wall, a kind of armor. Sometimes the habit of resisting is so deeply ingrained that you can't tell whether your inner "no" is a legitimate warning or just obstructive. You can live for years with a tendency to resistance that reveals itself in insidious ways: as an inclination to slide away from intimacy; a habit of avoiding difficult emotions by sleeping or watching TV; or simply the onset of restlessness, anxiety, or boredom that keeps you from resting in the present moment. Then, when you truly want to make a change, the wall of resistance can seem impenetrable.

Developing an awareness of your resistance style is the first step in working with it. Yoga and meditation often help develop and break through these styles of resistance. Try to respect your feelings of resistance as well as let the feelings that seem less beneficial to your life dissolve. Part of this is pure conditioning from those deep-seated beliefs that success, love, meaningful work, social justice, and whatever else you value come from outer-directed effort and that inwardness is somehow a waste of time. More often, however, the resistance stems from fear—fear of your emotions, fear of the unknown, and, finally, fear of your own essence, your own grandeur. To move past resistance in your practice is to free yourself in ways you have never anticipated.

Read more:

http://www.yogajournal.com/wisdom/2516

http://www.yogajournal.com/practice/2580

National Revolt Against TSA – National Opt Out Day Nov. 24th

I read this post from a list I subscribe to, The Eco-Herbalista. They shared the referenced article below, which is about a revolt against TSA, the security team you encounter at the airport before getting to your gate. It really made me feel disgusted, uncomfortable, violated, and helpless. The fact that they're doing everything they can to have passengers go through a Naked Body Scanner, which exposes you to radiation; and/or a "pat down", which enables them to even touch sexual organs!

But as I read on, I felt a little more empowered by what we can do to take action. It really comes down to using your voice and being as authentic in your position as possible, especially if you feel this violates your human rights. One of things the TSA officers may do if you choose to Opt Out is to make an example of you to create fear for the other passengers. Click on the link below to read about their agenda.

I urge you to read this article because I feel apart of our human rights is being violated tremendously. As much as I want to be safe when traveling by airplane, I feel this is going a little too far.

National Revolt Against TSA – National Opt Out Day Nov. 24th

Taking a time-out

I know I've probably blogged about this in the past, but it's come up again, and it must be acknowledged.

I had gotten back into the habit of overloading my schedule. The alarm that went off was my low-energy, and being too-tired-to-do-the-fun-things-I-want-to-do! I have to thank my husband for pointing this out to. Thank you, Joe! I love you!

I really don't know why I fell back into the habit/pattern again. I began putting too high of expectations onto myself to get things done. I overestimated my time and energy because I was so happy with completing my massage program. Although, I have finished all my classroom hours and more than half of my clinic hours, it made me want to be Speedy Gonzalez about it! I'm not young nor old for that matter, but my pace in certain areas have changed and I need to honor that. I still work the 9-5 M-F job, and I need to decompress from that as well.

But I find it interesting that there was this part of me resisting to step back. This "old" part of me saying, "If you stop doing it, you're a failure"; "If you take a break, you'll lose the skills you learned"; "There's not enough time, so I should just quit." In the past, I used to think that was true, but now, it's total BULLSHIT! Thank you chatter for sharing all that! My conscious self distinguished it from what is really true, that there's plenty of time; I'm completing the program in a healthy way; and I am a great teacher and massage therapist! Of course, in the moment, it was confusing me when I was hearing this chatter because I really knew it wasn't true in my heart.

It's difficult to bring yourself out of the negative. I'm so grateful for the support I have around me because I really couldn't have done it without them. Sometimes you need that certain person to put it to another way, and BOOM! It all makes sense. I'm grateful for my yoga and meditation practice because it allowed to go inside myself, where the answers are. I feel a more sense of ease in my body; grounded; and compassion.

I create my path.

Yoga teaches awareness

I really appreciate this article because I've been SOOOOOOO aware of my emotions. I'm discovering new possibilities within myself, while listening to the chatter, and feeling the emotions that come up. Yep, that's a lot. But it's okay. I thank yoga for guiding me. I don't know what I would do without it.

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(From YogaJournal.com Daily Insight)

Awareness Techniques

Usually, the first way Westerners learn to build awareness in yoga is by practicing the poses. But the myriad instructions heard in class aren't just designed to improve your asanas. They give your busy mind something to focus on and therefore keep you in the present moment. For people with anxiety, this is a particular blessing.

Complex instructions also force you to tune in to the subtle shifts occurring in your body. As you become more aware of these changes, you'll begin to notice subtle alterations in your mind and in your mood, too. You'll feel in a tangible way how the body and mind are connected.

As you continue to hone moment-to-moment awareness of your body, breath, emotions, and thoughts in your yoga practice, you'll bring that awareness to your daily life. When you're paying attention, you're more in touch with your thoughts and feelings as they arise in the moment, which is half the battle of resolving them. In other words, when you're able to identify that something is wrong, you can address that particular issue in the moment, rather than ignoring it and unleashing it later in some painful way.

Read the full articles:

* Feel Happier (http://www.yogajournal.com/lifestyle/2562)
* Asanas for Anxiety http://www.yogajournal.com/health/2085

break through

I can't believe how long it's been since I've written in my blog. I felt like I always had something to say, express, announce, and/or rant about. October was rich with a lot of emotion, so I know I was feeling it, and emotion can't always be put into words. I would just rather not even attempt to write about it.

I felt a breakthrough, especially around my 5th chakra (throat area=communication). In the past, this area was blocked-severely-which led me to believe that's why I clench my jaw and need to wear a mouthguard at night. One morning I felt a release in this area and it was intense. I was angry, sad, and confused, and I was having a difficult time communicating it to my husband. I had a moment alone when all I wanted to do was slam the glass I was holding against the wall. Rationally, I knew this wasn't a good idea at 7:15 in the morning. So I put it down, took a deep breath, and sat down on the couch. As I continued to breath with the emotions, I felt it rise up from my stomach, into my chest and stop at my throat and jaw. My jaw began to vibrate! Literally, I felt it! Then I proceeded to punch pillows and the couch, crying and wailing like a child. Things began to move. My feet and toes were tingling.

After I had my moment, I began to talk to my husband. I was able to clearly communicate what I was feeling (keep in mind I couldn't talk to him for a couple days!) and why I couldn't talk to him. I was confused about being confused, angry and sad. I had to allow myself to process and be with it, and trust that an answer would come within. And it did.

Ever since then, things have continued to move. I finally completed my last massage modality, Reflexology, and I'm moving more and more toward what I want. I can feel it and feels great!

I feel more trust within myself, which has allowed me to trust others, and in certain situations. I trust more in that things work themselves out. It may take time, but it's this "allowing" that keeps it flowing.

Bare Bones Butoh Presents: Showcase 19

BARE BONES BUTOH PRESENTS: SHOWCASE 19
A Benefit for Bare Bones Butoh itself.

And A WORKSHOP WITH VISITING GUEST ARTIST LORI OHTANI of TANGENTZ BUTOH from HAWAII


WHEN:
Performances: Friday Nov 5, 2010, and Saturday, Nov 6, 2010
Both performances are at 8:00 pm

Workshop: Sunday, Nov 7, 2010
From 10:00 am to 1:00 pm


WHERE:
Both performances and the workshop will be held at
Studio 210
3435 Cesar Chavez St
San Francisco, CA 94110
Studio 210 is located in the former Sears Building, inset from the corner of Cesar Chavez and Valencia Street. Accessible by: BART - 24th St Station: and MUNI - #12, #27, #14, #49.


TICKETS:
Performances: $5-$20 sliding scale. No one turned away for lack of funds.
Additional donations are graciously accepted and gratefully appreciated.

Workshop: $40
All proceeds from this workshop go to the teacher, Lori Ohtani, in order to help defray her travel costs. Please see below for more info on the workshop.


WHO:
This time around, the performers are:
Ronnie Baker, Zoe Bender (Friday only), Christina Braun (Saturday only), Deborah Butler (Friday only), Darya Chernova (Friday only), Kristen Greco (Saturday only) Chrysalis Hyron (Saturday only), Erika Mark (Friday only), Lori Ohtani, Liz Saari-Filippone (Friday only), and Bob Webb

Surprise guest artists may well also be performing. There are often last minute additions (local, national, and international artists) to the programing, it's that kind of show.

The workshop will be taught by Lori Ohtani, our guest from Hawaii

WHAT:
Bare Bones Butoh Presents is a performance showcase for local, national, and International artists working in the areas of butoh, performance art, and/or ritual performance. It exists for artists to try out new material, show works in process, hone improvisational chops, and redo or revisit previous material. Bare Bones Butoh Showcases employ the grassroots ethic of working together to sustain an artistic culture.

The minimal fee the audience pays at the door allows the Showcases to function as a fundraising platform which supports local Butoh and Performance Artists. Every Bare Bones Butoh Presents show has been a Benefit Performance for an individual or group within the Butoh/Performing Arts community in need. Bare Bones Butoh Showcase 19 is no exception. All proceeds from these performances go towards the organization itself. Sometimes you've got to feed the kitty to keep the purr going. Please feel free to donate as much as you wish.

A Bare Bones Butoh Showcase is community building and performance all smushed together into two evenings.
Thank you for your time, and we hope to see you there.

WORKSHOP:
"Abstracting the Essence" Explore unique body vocabulary through Butoh. Butoh training utilizes imagery and words to help excavate memories and physicalize the inner landscapes within your body"s potential. From this starting point the body is free to interpret a new form of life.
Our class will begin with a moderate physical warm-up leading to what I call neutral walk exercises to develop a strong focus. We will then modify these basic walking exercises to assist us in fine tuning our sensory and spatial awareness, i.e. the feet (sole of the foot) as a vital housing of many nerve cell points, and changing our various perspectives of seeing oneself in the space we are moving. Through our modified walking we will deconstruct and slowly build (little by little) how your body seeks its own unique way of moving, and how it naturally accommodates itself when different forms of limitations, words, and imagery are placed on its existing structure.

Lori Ohtani is a Sansei born and raised on the island of Oahu. She was originally trained as a visual artist, receiving her BFA in painting and sculpture from the Univ of Hawaii at Manoa in 1981. As an abstract artist with a background in Jazz and Modern dance she was drawn to the strongly visual imagery of Butoh dance. An original and former member (1989-1993) of then named Iona Pear Dance Theater - Lori has been practicing the art of Butoh for 21 years, and is presently Artistic Director of Tangentz Performance Group, which she founded in 1994. She has studied with Butoh Masters Katsura Kan, Hiroko and Koichi Tamano, Mitsutaka Ishii, Yukio Waguri, Akira Kasai, Yumiko Yoshoioka, Masahide Omori, BW training with Naoko Maeshiba, and in Japan with Butoh cofounder, Kazuo Ohno and his son Yoshito. As a solo artist, and with Tangentz, she has taught workshops, and performed throughout Hawaii, the mainland US, Canada, and Japan. Keeping in touch with her visual arts roots she has shown her performance art pieces and visual artwork in group exhibits throughout Hawaii since 1995, and became a member of a visual artists group named COJWIA (Coalition of Japanese Women in Art) in 2003. Butoh dance remains her main passion and a major source of inspiratioan in her life and art.


Further info:
Bob Webb
bobwebb20@hotmail.com
510-284-7025

Anger-sadness-anger-sadness-anger-sadness......

What a powerful emotion. I've been in the thick of it for the past few days, and it does what it usually does: bouncing back and forth to sadness. So many things have surfaced from my past, I don't know if it's just random memories or things that were unresolved that I need to resolve with myself or with that person I wronged in some way. I know you can't forgive someone, unless you forgive yourself first. It's SOOOOO HARD! I feel I'm close, but then something fogs up my vision and I fall back to that dark place. Depression.

It's very draining. I'm so aware of my emotions and where they're coming from. It's hard to articulate that to people sometimes, especially those close to you. Although, I can't control how others react, I still want them to know that I'm JUST angry and it's nothing on them.

Right now, I feel so done with this (as stated in my previous post) because it's so draining. In the past, I used to hold lots of anger inside my body, which came out in not so great ways. Now that my body has let go of that strategy, the emotion has to come out! Of course this is a good thing and I would much rather have it this way.

I guess my drainage is from the fluctuations from anger to sadness over and over. In my experience, sadness has always followed anger, and vice versa. Lately, it's been bouncing off each other like a raquetball gone wild in the court. When will that ball slow down? What's setting it off? Last night before falling asleep, all these memories of an ex-boyfriend came into my conscious. He was my first love, and when he broke up with me, I was so heart-broken I really felt lost. I couldn't stop caling him, and when I would see him, I was a total bitch. I was only 14 at the time and he was 17. He was so sweet to me in our relationship, even up until he broke up with me. He had no direction, no goals, and he had just graduated high school. He didn't want to hold me back. Although he explained it to me at the time, I couldn't help but think it was me. Something was wrong with me. I personalized it and blamed myself, which, OMG! I pretty much did in every relationship after that! HA HA! LOL!

Wow, it's amazing what writing can do :-)

I know this connects to a lot of things I'm still processing and working through. I'm shedding the layers; releasing things that don't serve me anymore. It's grief. Grief over losses in my life that had left me confused, lost, and uncertain. It still amazes me how one little thing can trigger such a big thing inside you. How it can take you back to the source, the cause, the root. This makes me think about Buddhism and the concept of suffering (but I'm not going to go there right now).

Seriously, Wow! It's amazing what writing can do.

Stories

I'm amazed at how many stories I have about people, things, places, and myself. It's interesting how you create a story about why something is so and it follows you through your life. A story could have been created when you were a child because whatever was happening at that time, you only had so many ways to make sense of it. Then as you got older, the stories manifested into something else. Most of the time, not in such a healthy way. My current story that keeps haunting me is "I don't belong" and "No one likes me." I know deep down, consciously, that it's not true. So why does it keep showing up. What have I NOT resolved here? This story shows up in most areas of my life: work, teaching, performance. It comes up in performance when an application I submit doesn't get accepted; or at work when everyone goes out to lunch without asking me, even though I work with them. It's hard not to play the blame-game. Again, I know they're not bad people, and I try to JUST accept it, but if it goes deep and triggers emotion, I'm sorry! You all suck!

I have to laugh because I'm curious as to why this keeps showing up in my life. I'm trying to learn why. I REALLY AM!!!!!!! Sometimes I don't want to, and would just like some peace about it. There's that saying (and book), "Don't sweat the small stuff". But what I learned in my coaching program and from therapy sessions, if something charges you that much, pay attention to it! Especially if you get emotional.

I really am SOOOO done with it.

"Ovular" performance piece

Finally got my performance piece, Ovular, up on video. This is a duet with Deborah Butler/Kitsunebutoh. Hope you enjoy! You can play it on my blog or click the word, Ovular, below the video.

Ovular from Liz Filippone on Vimeo.

So I guess I'll...

I haven't really been inspired to write lately. Or maybe I have and I'm just thinking about it too much.  So I guess I'll just start writing and see what happens. 

This past weekend I was suppose to have my last massage class EVER, and it was cancelled. Unfortunately, I wasn't notified, so I showed up and was told that it was canceled. Oh well. But WAITA MINUTE! Then again this is how my school operates sometimes, and everyone knows it.  So that annoyed me, but I was happy I didn't let it ruin my weekend because the weather was beautiful here.  I also got to attend a free two hour workshop on Optimizing Your Health. Another plus! But it's healthy to rant, right? Right!

I'm also preparing an application for a performance series.  I want to present some recent work I did with my friend/collaborator, so I've been kicking myself in the butt to get that done. However, I'm close and it's due this Thursday, so I've got time on my side.

So I guess I'll just rant (which I pretty much just did).  Right now, I wish I didn't have to work my day job.  Right now, I want to teach, connect, share, dance, show, be, run, jog, laugh, cry, scream...I think the list could go on, but I'm gonna stop there before something happens at my work desk right now, where I  scare or trigger someone (like my boss) around me. 

Wow, sometimes ranting can make it all good.

Five Ways to Make More Time for Yoga

I had to share this wonderful information from a blog I follow;  in fact it's a great reminder to myself that I really can practice yoga ANYWHERE! A little really does go a long way, and if you keep up with it, you'll find yourself practicing yoga a little longer each time.

Enjoy and be well!



From: Top Five Tuesdays
5 Ways to Make More Time for Yoga
September 14, 2010
by Erica Rodefer Winters
1. Write It In Your Calendar, To-Do List, (And Set an Alarm!) In my experience, when something becomes a habit it's easier to stick to. So if you want to be at yoga class every Tuesday at 6 pm, have your computer or phone send you a reminder at 4:30, and again at 5, and 5:15. And don't let anything else get in the way!
2. Expand Your View of What Yoga Is. If you feel like you don't get enough yoga in, it might be time to think about all the little things you already do in your normal life and infuse them with mindfulness and breath. The five-minute break you take to chat with your friend in the office might not be what most people think of as yoga, but if it helps you become more balanced and aware--it's yoga.
3. Practice While You Drive, Stand In Line, Sit at Your Desk... And So On. If you need to stretch to feel like you've done yoga, there's no reason you can't do that in little spurts all day long! Practice Tadasana while you stand in line at the grocery store. Take breaks from your computer every hour to do a shoulder opener and a twist. The possibilities are endless. (If you need more examples read my blog post "Yoga Everywhere, and I Mean Everywhere!")
4. Make Yoga Top Priority. There will be days when the thought of peeling yourself off the couch and away from your favorite reality TV show is a struggle. When this happens, remember how great you feel after yoga--you feel energized and more balanced. That's way more important than So You Think You Can Dance or what someone you've never met has to say to Twitter, right?
5. Forgive Yourself. Don't forget that a big part of the practice is letting go of attachment--and that includes the attachment to your daily asana practice! So when something comes up that throws you off schedule and you just can't make it to the mat, try not to beat yourself up about it. It's part of the flow of life. Yoga isn't going anywhere, and neither are you. Try it again tomorrow!

Power to the Peaceful Festival

It was a foggy start, but the sun burst through it on such an amazing day.  On Saturday, it was the 12th Annual Power to the Peaceful Festival in Golden Gate Park. It was my second time attending, but also my last :-(  Since I'll be moving back east next summer, I'm so grateful that I managed to surround myself with such inspirational, celebratory people, music, and events.

At 9am, I gathered with about hundred other people for the community yoga class in front of the main stage.  It was taught by four--pretty well-known--yoga teachers, including many assistants, who wondered among the students offering adjustments.  It was still pretty foggy, but you could see the sun making it's way through.  However, when Nicki Doane guided us into sun salutations, the sun pierced through the fog so powerfully, we all began hootin' and hollerin'! It really was the most perfect moment, and I could feel the pulse of energy throughout the crowd.  At one point, I honestly got teary-eyed because of the beautiful, inspiring words that the teachers spoke and expressed from the bottom of their hearts.  It was also the anniversary of 911, so that was acknowledged by all.

I wish I got more pictures of the teachers, but I will hold all their wisdom, kindness, and support in my heart.

Then right after savasana, which ended at 11am, the festival began.  An African drumming band opened with such loud, harmonious beats, everyone stood up from their yoga mats and began dancing.  Although I came to the class and festival by myself, I did not feel alone.  Two women that were next to me expressed their appreciation for being able to practice yoga with me and everyone.  I also ran into another fellow yoga teacher who was a few people down from me.  So the connection and community was flowing everywhere and through everyone.  I felt loved and loved everyone.

I decided to wander back to the vendors and food ;-)  I really WISH I could remember the place, but I went to an Indian Food vendor and got a samosa and chai tea. It was Mmmmmmm Good! I enjoyed browsing through the clothing vendors as well. 

My last wander was with the Acroyogis.  I've been able to experience and observe their most fun and healing work.  It's partner yoga, but can include acrobatics and thai massage.  I HIGHLY recommend it!

As I made my way back home through GG park, I got a little emotional again.  I kept thinking I'm never going to experience anything like that again.  I won't ever see those people again.  But what I realized is that I was present in each and every one of those moments I had there.   I allowed myself to be open to connection with strangers, and be with that community and purpose.  It was beautiful and I am inspired.

Why are you back?

I was reading about my astrological sign yesterday, Gemini.  One of the traits was something about boredom because Mercury is one of its ruling planets. I don't know much about astrology, but it made sense in some weird, cosmic way. 

Yesterday, sitting at my desk, I was struggling.  Not at a "work" task. Just, in general, struggling.  I was uneasy, restless, bored, frustrated and angry.  Thank God I work with a wonderful individual, who was able to help ease that tension.  After clearing some chatter and identifying my needs under those feelings, the tension level went from a 10 to a 3-4.  I'm happy that I have the tools to support myself when needed.  But those feelings lingered on into the afternoon. It may not have been as intense, but it was still hanging around.  I found relief talking with my therapist.  I realized I haven't really dealt with my money stories yet.  My relationship with money. There's been this ongoing theme around money that tends to visit me every 3 months or so.  It's usually VERY unexpected, and hits me HARD with all sorts of emotions.  So my therapy session yesterday helped me realize that I need to fess up to this ongoing theme. It's like a virus that you think you wiped out, but really it just gestates and hangs out in your body somewhere, until "that something" triggers it, and BOOM! It's back.  Or it's like that on-again-off-again boyfriend/girlfriend, who you keep going back to and you don't know why. They just keep showing up in some way.  It's at this point where you say to yourself, "What is going on and why are you back?"

Frankly, I'm done with my theme! It's a bad relationship that has to end.  I'm ready to move with the fear to move past it.  I'm going to see what my unconscious has to tell me.  Our unconscious is always telling us something in our dreams. Maybe it's time to pay attention.  So why are you back?

....stay tuned.

New Area: Lodi, CA

My husband and I decided to take a little getaway together this past weekend.  His coworker told him about the town of Lodi, which is 30 miles south of Sacramento, in the Central Valley area of California.  It's really in the middle of nowhere, but there are MANY wineries. So we went to two, Harmony and Harney (funny they both start with "H").  I wish I took more pictures of this area, but it was SUPER HOT there and we really didn't stay outside them for very long.  But the people/owners were so pleasant and welcoming we want to go back and explore more wineries...and revisit the same ones.  Both were located on E. Harney Road in Lodi.

Also, we had booked a hotel in West Sacramento, which was a nice deal through hotels.com. Plus, it had a pool. Perfect for the 100 degree heat!  We plunged in there after the wineries, and then relaxed until dinner time, which ended up being in Old "town" Sacramento.  Since it was their annual "Gold Rush" festivities, they had dusted the streets and did a variety of Old West reenactments.

We ate at Joe's Crab Shack, a total, touristy festive experience, but very well worth it!  We split the Dungeoness Crab Legs, along with a sampler to start.  Mmmmmm good! Every 45 minutes, the whole staff have a dance party to one song.  Overall, it was fun and little overstimulating at times.

I love the last minute getaways! We plan to do another one to an area we've never been to in California.  It's so fun to explore and have no plan. 

Celebrating the long weekend

I'm celebrating that I updated my website and it's up and running!  I'm celebrating that my insurance company FINALLY gets it! I'm celebrating I get to leave work early! I'm celebrating my husband! I'm celebrating, celebrating, CELEBRATING!

Hope everyone has a nice long, Labor Day weekend! 

:-D
 

Running

I can't believe myself, but I went running/jogging last night.  This is huge so I acknowledge myself for putting my judgments aside about running and just doing it.  It was mostly walk/run, run/walk.  I'm starting off slow.  My left knee started to tweek a little, and then later on before bed, it was my right hip near the groin area.  I know it's my body responding to the running, but I'm still taking it slow and watching the sensations.

I woke up SOOOO refreshed! It was the best feeling ever.  I felt clear, energized, and ready for the day.  I can't remember the last time I felt this way.  I got up earlier than usual, so I meditated, did yoga and then made myself a fruit smoothie!

Backing up a bit, after my walk/run, run/walk, I was walking back to my apt, when I felt this wonderful, inspiration to do something challenging. I declared that I will run in Bay to Breakers in May! It's a 12K run, but a very non-competitive, laid back, fun run.  It started in 1906 after the big earthquake hit SF, and this event started as a way to bring more high spirits to the city after all the devastation from the quake.  Thousands of people now are running or walking it. It starts at the Bay (Embarcadero area) and ends at the Breakers (Ocean Beach).  There's lot of celebration in the air during this event, and I want to be apart of it. 

Even if I don't run the whole way, I'm going to finish!  My husband is going to join me and whoever else.  Some people dress in costumes, or nothing.  That's San Francisco!  It's like Halloween in the Spring! Wish me Happy Training!

Update: Proactive with my biz

So I feel very productive as I will get my updated website going before Sept 20, and I contacted the Student Coordinator at my massage school to set up an appointment!  Yiiippee! PROGRESS! Love it! I'm celebrating my progress so far, which is so important to do.  In the past, I always felt like I had to do these ginormous tasks to feel a sense of accomplishment, when really it's those little things that are really huge. 

I've also been feeling the shift in the cosmos, as mercury is still in retrograde, I can feel "off".  But this time I feel more clear and motivated than I ever have been.  It's doing those uncomfortable things, which is what makes it all clear.  I've been doing the things--that I normally would complain and bitch about--with more enthusiasm and joy.  I've also been very aware of my use of language so I can get closer to what I want.  Instead of saying, "I want this or that, but I can't have it because I need this or that", I say "I have it" or "I am it".  In other words, I'm working on eliminating the "lack of" out of my language/vocabulary/statements.  I value the knowledge I have, and I share it with others.  I am inspiration, joy and abundance.  I am perfect just the way I am.

Press from the "Public Butoh Happening"

My friend/collaborator, Deborah, googled our event "Public Butoh Happening in Civic Center" that we did over a week ago and she found a blog about us!  It so nice to know that we all do make a difference in people's lives.

Enjoy!

http://sfciviccenter.blogspot.com/2010/08/buddhas-butoh-dance.html

Proactive in my biz

I want to be more proactive in my business.  I'm practicing my biz part time right now, which is fine, but I'm starting to get that itch for more.  I've had this itch before, and usually made some excuse as to why I can't do it.  Yes, I have some debt to pay off and the full time job is helping with that. I'm also seeing results! Something that I thought I wouldn't see...literally. It's happening!! So why not move forward with my passions. what I really want to do.

I have a rough checklist in my head of what I want to complete; however it's always better when you write it down:

1. Redo my website on weebly and transfer my domain by Sept 20
2. Complete my remaining massages classes on Sept 26 (already done)
3. Set up meeting with student coordinator at massage school by August 27
4. Submit my application for massage license in SF/CA with fingerprinting and photo by October 20
5. Teach a movement class in November

I like five items. If I add more, I get overwhelmed and feel I gotta do it all.  That's where I stop being proactive, and more reactive.

My progress so far is going pretty well with #1.  I'm still working out some kinks with the new website, but overall, I feel great about it.  #2, I'm already signed up for the remaining massages classes I need to complete, so I already feel it's done!  #3 is easy and takes 5 minutes.  #4 and #5 will come once I have my meeting with the SC to see how much I have left in hours, and solid ideas set for teaching a movement class. 

It's all stuff I want in my life.  So I want feel joy and excitement in my body about them; while I'm doing them; and when they get done.  Even if little bits get done, I'm going to celebrate that! 

Ode to Sun

Oh Sun, how I missed you. I never thought I'd see you again.  This summer has been unbearable without you.  Bask your rays all over me.  Cover me in that delightful vitamin D.  Give me energy and vibrance to get through the day.  You're like my battery charger for my whole being. I love you sun, so keep shining!

Public Butoh Happening!

I'm am so excited to be dancing with two women, whom I started butoh with back in 2002!  This Thursday, August 19 @ 7:00 p.m-ish Civic Center, San Francisco, the happening will be under the enormous Three Heads Six Arms Sculpture.

Come to witness and experience this beautifully, haunting form of movement.

Butoh: A Dance for Me

I learned and studied ballet from 5 yrs-12 yrs old. Then modern dance all through high school.  I loved modern because it broke ballet's rules.  Then towards the end of the college, I drew my attention to more contemporary forms of dance/movement such as butoh.  This is when I discovered this other element to dance.  For years, I felt I was always dancing for others and never for myself.  Butoh taught me that the dance can be for yourself.  A deeper part of you showing itself, while the audience takes it in their way.  It still can be for others, but it really does start within.  This should be for any dance technique out there.  I guess, for me, when I danced in high school, for example, it was always a competition, because it literally was! I was on a dance team and we competed throughout the state and country.  We even went to international festivals.  Also, your teachers also make a difference too. I loved my teacher in high school, but it was the butoh teachers who really showed me these other elements.  We would take an object, image, or feeling and make that the dance. Sometimes it became personal (whether you intended it to be or not) and a lot of healing would come out it. 

I'm not going to write an essay about butoh.  I find it very difficult to "write" about it.  You have to see it or experience it for yourself.  It's a different experience for everyone.  The late, founder of butoh, Kazuo Ohno stated butoh as, "not thinking. only soul."  He said it all there.

I've worked with many dancers who use somatic studies with butoh.  It really is a way to embody your emotions, traumas, life experiences, etc. For example, it's amazing to work with dreams.  In my recent performance, I used an image from a dream I had three weeks ago.  Since my piece was about women's moon cycles, the dream image I incorporated was my IUD falling out of me.  I know this can be grotesque and uncomfortable for some to imagine, but the dream was so vivid for me at the time, I had to use it in my piece.  For awhile, I haven't really accepted/welcomed the IUD into my body. Back in January, an ultrasound showed the lining in my uterus had a very large thickening,, which caused excessive bleeding, causing anemia.  My doctor wanted to remove the thickening (surgically) and thin it out with an IUD or the pill. I struggled with choosing the IUD or to go back on the birth control pill.  I was ALL SET with the pill, so that left me with the IUD.  I would've done a more holistic approach, but this was something that needed to be done urgently, so a more western approach was needed.

In my dream, I got my period and it was very heavy.  When I went to the bathroom, my IUD was hanging out of my vagina and I was afraid to move away from the toilet.  Then I stood up to call a friend. When I woke up, I had to actually go to the bathroom and check!  This would NEVER happen, and if it did, it would be the rarest thing ever. So I used this image and feeling in my piece. During the performance, I would think of the image and allowed my body to feel it.  I plan on using this image again, but for a longer time to see what manifests.  My piece was finalized, but more of a finalized work-in-progress.  For me, I may practice this image by itself.

It would be fun and interesting to teach a butoh class associated with dreams.  What an amazing way to work with your subconscious/unconscious.  A way to dance these images, feelings, and/or visions for yourself.  So many symbols and messages happen in our dreams for a reason.  It's our deep subconscious talking to us.  I guess it depends if we want to listen or not. 

Bruised art

I realize that when I perform, I really go for it.  In other words, I find myself sacrificing my body in the name of art.  Hey, who said dance or movement had to be pretty?

my poor knees!

This picture shows the evidence, especially the left knee (sorry it might be gross to some).  As a bodyworker, I'm aware of what sides I favor in my body.  This clearly shows I was using my left more when initiating movement.  A week before the performance, I kept re-bruising my left hip (not pictured), then it happened to the knee.  I find stuff like that interesting.

I will be posting a link to the video of my performance soon.  You'll see where these bruises manifested.  Stay tuned!

Connection

I was chatting with a friend of mine yesterday about connection.  The need for connection is so big within all of us, we sometimes don't see it.  In many ways, disconnection from people is one of the main causes for suffering in the world.  We need each other for support, love and community. 

For the past few days, I had been REALLY cranky.  I was blaming it on the San Francisco weather--fog, fog, and more fog.  Then I blamed it on my packed schedule this week, and once it's done, I'll be fine.  That's a little true, but there was definitely more.  Joe left this morning for New York to go to his cousin's wedding.  I would have liked to go along too, but it would've been too expensive.  Besides, we're saving to move back to the east coast next summer, so the less flight purchases, the more in the bank.  I realized yesterday how much this affected me.  That he got to go home to see family and I couldn't.  That he would be with his family on this joyous occasion.  It triggered in me how much I miss my family, especially my grandparents, who have recently passed away.  So much grief came up, I just let myself cry.  I was grateful Joe was there with me.  I was able to express these feelings and it was a load off.  But then anger came up too.  Anger around why my mom won't come and visit me in San Francisco.  I have anger around the stories she has as to why she can't come visit. I even had anger towards my dad, who, for him, it's easy to come visit me.  I know I can make requests for this, but first I want to be clear about my feelings. How I feel so disconnected when family don't come to visit me to see my life, my surroundings, my world.  It's not that they've never come to visit me in the past.  It's just I feel like I've gone back there more in the past 7 years.  I have a need for consideration, connection and family. 

This feeling of disconnection is still there, but it's okay.  I know I'm still in the middle of "it". Since Joe will be away for 5 days, I will take this opportunity to process these feelings, and connect with people in my life and community.  It's important and vital to my health right now on a physical and emotional level.  I just REALLY MISS MY FAMILY!

Bare Bones Butoh Presents 18

I will be performing Friday and Saturday, August 13 and 14 at 8:00p.m.  Come see some of my new work!

Bare Bones Butoh Presents 12 November 2008

Bare Bones Butoh Presents is a performance showcase for local and International artists working in the areas of Butoh, Performance Art, and/or Ritual Performance. It exists for artists to try out new material, show works in process, hone improvisation chops and redo or revisit previous material. Bare Bones Butoh Presents employs the grassroots ethic of working together to sustain an artistic culture.

The minimal fee the audience pays at the door allows Bare Bones Butoh Presents to function as a fundraising platform which supports local Butoh and Performance Artists. Every Bare Bones Butoh Presents show has been a Benefit Performance for an individual or group within the Butoh/Performing Arts community in need. Bare Bones Butoh Presents 18 is no exception.

Bare Bones Butoh Presents is community building and performance all smushed together into two evenings.

Tickets:
$5-20 sliding scale (no one turned away for lack of funds)





Location:
Studio 210
3435 Cesar Chavez Street @ Valencia
SF, CA


Transportation:
Street parking, MUNI lines 14 and 27, and 24th Street stop on BART walk 4 blocks

For more information, contact Bob Webb bobwebb20@hotmail.com

Releasing tension with shaking

I took a yoga workshop over the weekend called "Yoga and TRE."  TRE stands for Tension Release Exercises. It can also be called Trauma Release Exercises.  It was developed by Dr. David Berceli, a bioenergetic therapist.  He worked in Africa with communities, who experience trauma all the time such as war, terrorism, genocide, etc.  It focuses on releasing this tension from the Psoas muscle, which is located very deep in the pelvis, under the abdominal muscles and organs.  It is where our core is located, or our power center.  These exercises have been taught to firefighters, police officers, soldiers, and those who have experienced some form of post-traumatic stress.  We all have experienced some form of trauma/tension in our lives.  Traumas have a way of imprinting the body in some way, and when they're happening in the moment, our minds may not be able to deal with it, so we bury it away in our bodies.  We have physical injuries, as well as emotional/mental injuries.

What I found interesting about this work was the shaking movements that occurred in the body.  After we did some gentle yoga to get out of the mind, we started the exercises.  One in particular was lying down on the floor, with the soles of your feet together, and the knees wide apart (like Reclined Bound Angle pose).  We began with our knees toward the floor, and then after a minute, you move your knees up a quarter-of-an-inch and hold for another minute.  You continue this about 5 times. Each time I moved my knees, my legs and pelvis were shaking so much!  It intensified as I brought my knees closer together.  It felt as if my pelvis was a propeller, and the vibration was so strong, it was going to burst out and away!   I was definitely giggling--as was other people--and a few tears surfaced.  The teacher explained throughout the exercises that some people may shake more than others, but that's okay.  The important thing is to breathe and to try and let go of any judgments.

Afterward, I felt relaxed and sore.  This is expected, but you can have a different experience every time you do it.  She recommended practicing the exercises on your own, which I most definitely will do!

When I went to bed that night, I had this dull, achy feeling in my pelvis.  I could feel my psoas muscles!  But, the feeling was also around the area where I had my surgery.  The teacher shared that this work helps with scar tissue, which I know I still have in this area.  So it's possible that the scar tissue in my lower abdomen was shifting, changing, and responding to the exercises.  She emphasized to pay attention to yourself later on, and even into the next day because things can surface later on.  The achy feeling didn't disrupt my sleep, in fact, I slept very well.  I'm excited to try these exercises again, and will be back to share more about it.

For more information on these workshops, http://traumaprevention.com/.

My teacher, Maria Alfaro, http://www.yogadventure.com/yoga_retreat.html

Performing privately in the public

I took a performance workshop/lab over the  weekend.  My friend/collaborator ran the workshop for her research toward her MFA graduate work at UCLA.  We did a series of exercises that investigated relationships, intimacy, witness/viewer/performer, and installation art (placing random objects in space).  Each exercise was specific in its own, but it all meshed together at the end of the workshop when we showed our work to each other and outside viewers.

It's hard to describe the experience in words, so I'll do my best.  For me,  the workshop pushed me to take risks as a performance artist.  This triggered some things inside me as well such as the fear of failure (if those risks are taken), being seen, and belonging.  I've gotten better at accepting these fears through performance, but this was the icing on the cake!

The last two exercises of the workshop were placing objects--both personal and random--in space together.  All 5 of us participated in this in many ways.  We took turns placing the objects and then would view it from all angles and directions.  At one point, one of the participants began to interact with the objects and then became an object with the objects.  After that, we individually set up our own installations in different parts of space, hence bringing that private into the public.  I chose a hallway in back of the theater.  My installation (and I wish I took a picture!) consisted of a sheet of paper with lipstick kisses, smears, and marks. Each mark had a different amount of Rx pills in each one (the Rx was my old anti-depressants) labeled M, T, W, Th, Fr, Sat, Sun and ?. Along with that was a bottle of saki, spray starch can labeled "Faultless", a compact mirror, red lipstick tube, hand santizer, a magic marker and a "to do" list, which read: Breathe, ground, spit, sleep, TP, paper towels.  I had checked off certain items with the lipstick. Also, there were crumpled up paper towels with lipstick marks.  Now close your eyes and imagine all that!

Then, lastly, we had to come up with a 3-5 minute performance that would be done in any part of the space, with any objects, music, sounds, and it was for just one person.  In some way, this intimate performance had to perceive the giving of a gift in some way.  This starts to bring in the intimacy, relationship, private-in-the-public themes.  I did mine in the restroom, which had two public shower stalls.  I placed my installation piece on the sink, and then did my performance in one of the shower stalls with the viewer sitting in a chair in front of it.  I had a plant-watering can in the shower with me. The only instructions I gave the viewer was to open the shower curtain when they heard the water.  I began watering the area around me in the shower.  Then I tipped the watering can over me and let the water splash onto me (I had a stretch pants and an tank top on).  After I set the watering can down in the shower, I gently smoothed the water on me in a specific way each time--like a cleansing ritual.  Then I take a towel and carefully dried myself off and dropped the towel to the floor.  I pick up a red lipstick and compact mirror and applied the lipstick.  I put them down and harshly took off the lipstick with a paper towel, throwing it on the floor violently.  I grab the lipstick and mirror, then go to the viewer, take their hand and bring them just outside the shower stall.  I put the lipstick in their hand to put onto me, which most complied to do.  Then I motioned for them to put it on themselves, which most did comply.  I turn the mirror towards them so they can view themselves with the lipstick on; then I take a paper towel and blot my lips with one end and have them blot the other end. I shape it into a flower, so you can see the lipstick blots.  I step out of the shower and place the paper flower on the shower stall floor.  I pick the watering can up and water the paper flower.  I stop and stare at it with the viewer, and then turn to them and say, "thank you", prompting the end of the performance.  I did this 4 times in a row. 

Again, it's hard to describe how I felt, but it was amazing to hear the feedback from the audience/viewers about every piece.  The feelings and thoughts that came up for people were:

-I felt obligated
-I felt uncomfortable, like I shouldn't be there
-It touched me, and reminded me of what I'm going through in my own life
-I wanted to leave
-I wanted to run away

Everyone loved the experience because they had never experienced a performance like that before, and neither did I!  It effected them in many ways, but it was wonderful how open and honest they were in their feedback.  It was very validating for me because there was one person who didn't comply with the lipstick in my piece, and when he expressed his thoughts and feelings, I felt better about it.  The mind chatter was definitely in full force before, during, and after each viewing.  So after hearing all the viewers speak, I felt acknowledged, heard and seen. 

I've decided to try this out at friend's living spaces to see what happens.  I think it would be powerful, scary, and fun!

where is it?

I'm feeling a little distraught about my menses.  Where are they?!  Ever since, I had to get the mirena (IUD), every time it's that time-of-the-month, it builds, and builds, and builds, then, nothing happens.  It may happen a little here and there, but this has been one of the those weeks where I feel like I'm going to explode!  Is it my diet? Am I doing too much?  I ask these questions over and over, but I feel like something should happen regardless.  My face is one big zit, I'm cranky/tired, and feel that heaviness all over my body.  But nothing.  Where the hell is it? When it's not there, I don't feel natural. I don't feel woman or feminine. 

I'll be seeing that doctor for my annual, and I'll be able to talk to her then about it.  Of course, I have to wait two weeks. Can I wait that long?  I know I can, but do I want to.  My mind says, "buckle down, you'll be okay."  I know I will be, but I feel like shit about this.  What can I do to make myself comfortable?  Yoga! Massage! Some self-care always does help.  I guess at this point, I just want my body to do something.

Dreams can shake you up

 I dreamed last night that there was an earthquake.  Joe and I were at a football game (somewhere in SF) and the magnitude was so strong.  I could feel it, that my eyes were shaking.  When it stopped, we started to leave.  Workers were tending to dangling wires in the building/stadium, and even out on the street.  For some reason, the buses were still running, so Joe and I got on one to go home.  Then there was an aftershock, which caused the bus to bend in half and pop out again.  After that stopped, the bus continued through the city. All the buildings were slanted at an angle, going in the same direction.  The waves on the beach were huge, but not so huge that they crashed onto the city.  As we rode the bus, I was worried about our cats in the apt. People were sitting outside of their apt buildings, as merchants were outside their businesses.  I never got home before I woke up.  I was very unsettled this morning about that dream.  Then I looked up "earthquakes" on www.dreammoods.com and used their dream dictionary. This is what I got:

"Earthquake
To dream of an earthquake, suggests that you are experiencing a major "shake-up" that is threatening your stability and foundation. The dream highlights your insecurity, fears and sense of helplessness. Is there something in your life that you feel at "fault" for?

If you find cover from the quake, you will overcome these challenges. If you become trapped or injured during the quake, you will suffer some sort of loss in your life. According to the bible, earthquakes symbolize God's anger and power."

It definitely resonates a bit with me.  I'm grateful that no one was hurt or killed in the dream.  For the next couple of weeks, things are going to get busy for me--performance preparation/rehearsals, class make-ups, other obligations.  Perhaps it's that premeditated anxiety that I'm going to feel.  But, instead of thinking of the worst, I'm going to take this as a reminder.  A reminder to breath and take care of myself when I need to.  To be in the moment, especially when things get hard.  I know I will overcome these challenges.  

Lipstick makes me happy

I wrote this blog about a month ago, but didn't post it because my photo wouldn't upload. Now I got it!


I decided to wear lipstick today. Not just because it's the day before my birthday or that I feel pale today, but, hey, it makes me feel good! It makes me feel beautiful and glamorous! Isn't that why it was invented?

I woke up feeling kinda dreadful this morning and the whole time I was getting ready, I kept trying to look forward to my b-day tomorrow--massage, county fair--let's get excited, right? Nope, it just wasn't going to happen.  My husband wanted to know what was wrong and I honestly told him that I didn't know.  I began to tell him how birthdays can be such a let down sometimes.  That they were so much more fun when you were little.

So then I decided to put on lipstick and said, "maybe if I put lipstick on it will make me feel better."  My husband said, "that's the spirit!" So then, as I started putting it on, all I could think about was the lead and other chemicals in lipstick!  After sharing this with my husband, he replies with, "Liz, sometimes we can't always think too much about things." "THANK YOU!", I said with some relief.  I really needed to hear that.  Sometimes I don't want to know the information I know.  Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

I put that lipstick on, looked in the mirror and it made me smile the biggest smile ever. In fact, that's what I'm going to do every time I reapply!

Amazing Therapeutic-grade Essential Oil!

I'm so amazed at the power of essential oils!  As an independent distributor of Young Living, I have so much fun playing with their products.  All their oils are therapeutic-grade, which, to me, technically means they're so safe for you, you can eat them!  You won't find any harsh preservatives or additives in them, where you will find in most oils in health food stores (unfortunately).  I'm not saying they're dangerous!  Personally, I'm committed these days to using health and beauty products that are truly organic and natural.

The blend from Young Living that I'm about to rave about is called, Purification.  It's a blend of citronella, lemongrass, lavandin, melaleuca alternifolia (tea tree), and myrtle.  You can diffuse this blend to cleanse and sanitize the air and neutralize mildew, cigarette smoke, and other odors.  It can also be applied directly to the skin to cleanse and soothe insect bites, cuts, and scrapes.

Lately, I've been using it on my pimples and blemishes!  I actually use a little less than a drop because it's that potent.  I've noticed that they haven't gotten any worse or inflamed, in fact, they're fading!  When I was young in middle and high school, I used to use those harsh products such as oxy pads and stridex, which literally just burned my skin.  Purification is so soothing and gentle, I barely feel it after applying it.  It also smells wonderful!

Some other ways I use this blend:

Air Freshner--take 2-4 drops of blend and mix with 8oz of filtered water in a spray bottle.  Change over after 3-5 days

Surface Cleaner--take 2-4 drops of blend and mix with 8oz of filtered water in a spray bottle.  Spray area and let sit for 15-20 seconds and wipe.  Change mixture over after 3-5 days.
**Note if you're going to clean wood surfaces, test a small area first and wait at least 24 hours before cleaning whole area.

Insight from yoga injury: Why yoga shouldn't hurt

 I found this article rich with information on how to protect yourself against injury in yoga class and in your own practice.  The author speaks from her own experience, and offers many other insights from very experienced yoga teachers and health professionals.

I have had a project going on in my left, inner knee for quite sometime, and it restricts me from doing certain poses such as lotus, and poses that require lots of flexion of the knee.  I feel this happened during a class in my teacher training, or in an intermediate yoga class, where I just pushed my body too hard, so I could stay up to speed with everyone else.  I remember going to the doctor for help, and then finally went to acupuncture, which did help a lot.  But I had to modify poses in order to protect my knee. This was really hard at first because, at the time, I was in teacher training and I didn't want anything holding me back.  Then I began to realize it's okay! You can still be a yoga teacher if you can't do a certain pose to its fullest.  Every body is different at every minute of the day,  and that should be honored in any form of exercise.  I'm not saying you shouldn't challenge yourself, but if you're doing something unconsciously just to get through it, that's where injury will happen.  I know one day my body is open to all poses in my practice or in a class.  Other days, it may need something different.

So I invite you to read this article, especially if you're new to yoga, but also a seasoned student or teacher.  There's lots of good advice and information.  It's nothing that will scare you off from doing yoga because there's so much to learn, experience, and yoga should be for everyone. 


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
From Yoga Journal


Yoga Shouldn't Hurt
Buyer beware: An "all levels" vinyasa class might include umpteen Chaturangas, long holds of deep backbends, or pretzel-like poses that can strain your joints—and your ego—if you're not fully ready. As yoga grows in popularity, it becomes more and more important that you explore your own limitations and feel empowered to take care of yourself on the yoga mat, despite what others around you are doing. This week, we offer stories to help you arm yourself against injury.

• Insight from Injury

it just is

it just is the way is. so why can't i just accept it sometimes? it's those triggers that get ignited over and over. some a little more at times than others.  so i scream bloody murder to move the energy. i cry. i laugh. hard.  of course, when you're driving it's not always safe.  i take care and do my best.  but i don't want to feel guilty for feeling angry or sad.  i know my mom was just trying to protect me when i was in middle school when she said, "just act like it doesn't bother you."  but it truly does bother me! so i express it.  then when i need empathy it's not there. so i give myself empathy which isn't an easy thing.  it's better when someone can do it and hold that space. 

but it just is what it is. so embrace it with love and compassion, and trust that it will pass. 

Notes for work-in-progress performance piece

Ovular

two energies embodying eaches energies emotions bodies cycles pain mustered unforgiving drawbacks silouhetted paralled engaged acknowledged being women feminine support against conflicted struggle with away we are the same together every time pacing frustration sexual tension ovulating cramping bloated why must it be that way everyone every woman today past future young old youthful dried up it stops it doesn't goes on chemicals hormones sweat tears rage laughter release inside outside wallow abrupt candle flowing air earth water fire ground float or not

When I'm developing new work from new ideas, I usually free write after I play with movement.  It's a process I adopted from teachers and collaborators in my life.  I love doing this exercise because punctuation is not required.  Yes I could edit it after and make it into a crazy poem.  But, wow, the ideas that come out; the way the words are paired or proceed one another; and the context (if there is any).  It's very therapeutic to free-write like this in whatever state you're in.  Try it!

Patterns and Re-patterning

We all have patterns and habits of being.  They're neither good or bad because it's a way of survival through our experience.  I had a re-patterning session yesterday and I dug up a lot of "stuff" than I thought I would. I knew it was there, and had been there for quite sometime. 

My pattern(s) is I'm not worthy and I don't belong.  For years (and I'm going back to middle school), I always struggled to belong to something or with a "group." I need(ed) community, acknowledgment, to be seen, to be heard.  During my middle schools years, it usually got me in trouble or feeling more unworthy.  Then there were years when this pattern didn't show up as much, but came back (which is what they do. They never really go away!). 

Lately, for me, there was a certain person who kept popping into my mind.  A person, who was my friend for a few years, but then seemed to fall out of my radar and, eventually moved away.  It was when every time I would think of this person, it brought back these patterns and feelings.  I would say to myself "what is that about?!"  It was those feelings of not belonging.  There were times hanging out with this person, I felt not worthy enough to hang out with them.  Yep, I felt like 12 or 13 years old again.  I know I was done with that.  Maybe that's because we went our separate ways? I don't know.

During my re-patterning session, it was amazing the mind chatter that came up.  I really started to acknowledge it, which had never been done.  It brought up some tears of anger and sadness I had kept buried for years.  It was finally becoming known.  It was given the space that it longed for.  I felt a sense of freedom just saying it, "Why can't I be popular?" "What's wrong with me?" "Why did she have to be such a bitch?"  Just typing them brings on some relief.  After saying it, I had a huge belly release of laughter.  I had tingling sensations that traveled down into my feet.  The energy moved and is still moving! Feelings of compassion began to enter through me.  I didn't feel scared or unsure of myself.  I felt love.

At the end of the session, my coach suggested a new pattern to replace the old ones. A positive affirmation to say to myself everyday.  We came up with, "I am perfect just the way I am." When I said it out loud, it felt good.  I felt empowered and liberated.  Again, I was amazed at how much space I felt in my body.  Those patterns were really taking up a lot of space.

What are your patterns? What things do you say about or to yourself?  Write them down and see if you can track them. When did you first start saying these things? What was happening in your life?

I know it's a lot to think about and feel.

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!

Hope everyone enjoys their weekend with whatever they do! Take time to celebrate something going well in your life (i.e. a person, experience). It can be anything, big and/or small.  


I'm celebrating freedom.  My freedom to do whatever I want to do this weekend.


:-)

Integrative Dentistry

I'm very intrigued by this new and innovative practice of Integrative Dentistry. It focuses on the whole person, not just their mouth, teeth, and gums.  It's also eco-friendly, in that the dentists use more sustainable materials such as composite materials (instead of mercury for fillings), use digital imaging as opposed to x-rays, which reduce radiation exposure. 

During my Holistic Health Program, I remember the teacher mentioning Integrative Dentistry and sharing her experience with it.  For some reason , I put it aside because my story was that going to the dentist is expensive (unless you have decent dental insurance), whether you have insurance or not.  But then my boss went through a number of dental procedures to remove the mercury fillings she had in her mouth for years. My boss is very sensitive to certain substances such as certain foods, supplements, and other products. She's also a type-1 diabetic and, recently, got over a long, big bout of candida.  She's overall a very healthy person, especially with her diet.  But there was a period of time, whenever she would get her teeth cleaned, a day or two after, she would experience heavy-duty detoxing symptoms.  Even a metallic taste in her mouth. She decided to go to a dentist, who was more aware of these new dental practices, and have the mercury-filled fillings replaced.  After the two separate procedures, again her body went through another detox and she supported herself during this time with the help from her nutritionist and new dentist.  Once her body detoxed, the next time she had a teeth cleaning, no more symptoms of nausea, fatigue and sluggishness. Also, no metallic taste in her mouth!  

The article I read below, it got me interested and aware of Integrative Dentistry.  Aware that if we have a healthy mouth, we'll have a healthy body, mind and spirit.  As a yoga practitioner, I'm always honoring my whole body wherever it's at with compassion and love.  I never really think of teeth, even though it seems obvious that they're included. But we clean our teeth differently than we wash our hair.  

A little summary of the article is below with the link to the full article.  I invite you to read it, if you've had different issues with your teeth and gums. 

(From Yoga Journal Daily Insight)

Open Wide, Say "Ahhh"

Integrative dentistry is a new phenomenon. Instead of focusing only on your plaque or toothache or gums, an integrative dentist pays attention to the big picture: What other health issues might relate to the state of your mouth? What chemicals are you absorbing while your teeth are being repaired? How's your mental state while you're sitting in the dental chair?

To ease patients' pain and fear, these dentists use complementary techniques such as meditation and massage. And they prefer using materials and procedures that do as little harm as possible to the earth and their patients; using composite fillings instead of mercury amalgam is one example. Integrative dentists also offer alternative remedies such as arnica for pain and inflammation of the mouth. By replacing X rays with more costly digital imaging, they expose the patient to 75 to 90 percent less radiation, get clearer views of the tooth, and eliminate the need for the chemicals used to process X rays.

If you wait awhile, integrative dentistry is likely to come to you. Until then, try taking dental health into your own hands by cultivating self-awareness: Approach your mouth with the same consciousness as your yoga practice. Floss regularly, use a soft toothbrush, and be attentive to your diet—avoid sticky, chewy, carb-rich foods.

Read the full articles:

• Smile, Naturally